Reminiscing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Reminiscing
I was having a conversation last night, where I was talking about my "old days" and all the funny, wacky,hilarious situations I got my self in. Boy I was a handful 😂😂.
Even though I hold those memories dear, I had to remind myself,the fun stopped.
I would never want to change those times, because it shaped who i am now.
I had the little pang of regret knowing that I could never go back, which made me quite sad.
Again I had to remind my self of the mornings I woke up head to toe in bruises, not knowing how they got there, or in fact how the hell I got home.
And how the fun times turned quite dark, quite quickly.
The blackouts,complete memory loss.
Just another reminder that for me, I can not drink.
So I'm happy to keep the fun memories, but i have to 100% keep hold of the dark times
I sometimes wonder "what now?" But it's early days, I don't look to far ahead. I concentrate on here an now.
So for today "I won't drink" I dont want to 😄
As always sending much love and strength to all those trying to get through the day.
🙏💖
Even though I hold those memories dear, I had to remind myself,the fun stopped.
I would never want to change those times, because it shaped who i am now.
I had the little pang of regret knowing that I could never go back, which made me quite sad.
Again I had to remind my self of the mornings I woke up head to toe in bruises, not knowing how they got there, or in fact how the hell I got home.
And how the fun times turned quite dark, quite quickly.
The blackouts,complete memory loss.
Just another reminder that for me, I can not drink.
So I'm happy to keep the fun memories, but i have to 100% keep hold of the dark times
I sometimes wonder "what now?" But it's early days, I don't look to far ahead. I concentrate on here an now.
So for today "I won't drink" I dont want to 😄
As always sending much love and strength to all those trying to get through the day.
🙏💖
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Doris- you have to be careful about reminiscing it can be a step towards relapse. I am going to share the relapse ladder with you. I know your doing good but I just want to caution you about it. 
THE RELAPSE LADDER
There are steps to relapse you just don't wake up and decided to start using again. Here are 9 steps to be aware of, starting from the bottom of the ladder.
1. Happy Memories (past, what used to be)
2. I Wasn't That Bad (rationalization)
3. Stopping Treatment or Isolation (1st negative action in the relapse process)
4. High Risk Situations (going back to the old people, places and things )
5. Emotional Imbalance (the loss of coping skills that allow anger, frustration, pain to get the best of you)
6. Fantasizing (desiring an out, looking for quick relief from step 5)
7. Getting Ready to Use (the plan)
8. Acquire
9. Relapse
THE RELAPSE LADDER
There are steps to relapse you just don't wake up and decided to start using again. Here are 9 steps to be aware of, starting from the bottom of the ladder.
1. Happy Memories (past, what used to be)
2. I Wasn't That Bad (rationalization)
3. Stopping Treatment or Isolation (1st negative action in the relapse process)
4. High Risk Situations (going back to the old people, places and things )
5. Emotional Imbalance (the loss of coping skills that allow anger, frustration, pain to get the best of you)
6. Fantasizing (desiring an out, looking for quick relief from step 5)
7. Getting Ready to Use (the plan)
8. Acquire
9. Relapse
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Hey Doris,
I do find myself occasionally reminiscing about the past but whenever i do that i have to remind myself that alcohol wants me dead and that's a fact.
I can classify my drinking as fun, fun with problems and then just problems. I'm not sure when it crossed into that final stage but you know what it doesn't matter. I know that going forward whenever i drink my life WILL become unmanageable. You can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber as they say. ; )
Good Luck!
Garrison
I do find myself occasionally reminiscing about the past but whenever i do that i have to remind myself that alcohol wants me dead and that's a fact.
I can classify my drinking as fun, fun with problems and then just problems. I'm not sure when it crossed into that final stage but you know what it doesn't matter. I know that going forward whenever i drink my life WILL become unmanageable. You can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber as they say. ; )
Good Luck!
Garrison
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Originally Posted by Midwest1981 
Doris- you have to be careful about reminiscing it can be a step towards relapse. I am going to share the relapse ladder with you. I know your doing good but I just want to caution you about it.
THE RELAPSE LADDER
There are steps to relapse you just don't wake up and decided to start using again. Here are 9 steps to be aware of, starting from the bottom of the ladder.
1. Happy Memories (past, what used to be)
2. I Wasn't That Bad (rationalization)
3. Stopping Treatment or Isolation (1st negative action in the relapse process)
4. High Risk Situations (going back to the old people, places and things )
5. Emotional Imbalance (the loss of coping skills that allow anger, frustration, pain to get the best of you)
6. Fantasizing (desiring an out, looking for quick relief from step 5)
7. Getting Ready to Use (the plan)
8. Acquire
9. Relapse
THE RELAPSE LADDER
There are steps to relapse you just don't wake up and decided to start using again. Here are 9 steps to be aware of, starting from the bottom of the ladder.
1. Happy Memories (past, what used to be)
2. I Wasn't That Bad (rationalization)
3. Stopping Treatment or Isolation (1st negative action in the relapse process)
4. High Risk Situations (going back to the old people, places and things )
5. Emotional Imbalance (the loss of coping skills that allow anger, frustration, pain to get the best of you)
6. Fantasizing (desiring an out, looking for quick relief from step 5)
7. Getting Ready to Use (the plan)
8. Acquire
9. Relapse
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
I kind of want to second what Midwest said. Addiction Voice loves to remind us how “fun” our addictions were.
I have to be careful with reminiscing or unintentionally romanticizing the blackout drinking of my past. I can’t do that anymore, I did it for years. For me — I just don’t find them funny anymore.
Also I’ve reframed slightly — I don’t think I am the successful person I am today because of heavy drinking. I’m that person in spite of it — and there’s a lot more I could’ve done had I kept my mind and body focused in those formative years. There’s no use beating myself up about it, but I’m not going to sugarcoat it anymore either.
Anyways — none of that was meant to be critical of your post — it just got me thinking. I’ve spent many years looking “fondly” on my past drinking — even defensively, glazing over the danger and sickness and celebrating the parts that were “fun.” But it’s only 1 percent of the story that’s retold over campfires and dinner parties.
I’ve developed a more sober view of those years.
I have to be careful with reminiscing or unintentionally romanticizing the blackout drinking of my past. I can’t do that anymore, I did it for years. For me — I just don’t find them funny anymore.
Also I’ve reframed slightly — I don’t think I am the successful person I am today because of heavy drinking. I’m that person in spite of it — and there’s a lot more I could’ve done had I kept my mind and body focused in those formative years. There’s no use beating myself up about it, but I’m not going to sugarcoat it anymore either.
Anyways — none of that was meant to be critical of your post — it just got me thinking
. I’ve spent many years looking “fondly” on my past drinking — even defensively, glazing over the danger and sickness and celebrating the parts that were “fun.” But it’s only 1 percent of the story that’s retold over campfires and dinner parties. I’ve developed a more sober view of those years.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
The memories of my debauched youth are pleasant and nostalgic. I was a binge-drinker and drug abuser, yes, but so were my friends. It was all in a social environment and recreational in nature. I didn't drink alone and I kept it to weekends for the most part.
As I approached my 30th birthday, things started to change. I was drinking more frequently and drinking alone. Then problems started cropping up. Issues at work. Problems in relationships. Legal and financial matters hit me hard. The memories past age 30 aren't so wistful. Shame and regret is all that comes up.
I wasted my 30's. But I hear 40 is the new 30!
As I approached my 30th birthday, things started to change. I was drinking more frequently and drinking alone. Then problems started cropping up. Issues at work. Problems in relationships. Legal and financial matters hit me hard. The memories past age 30 aren't so wistful. Shame and regret is all that comes up.
I wasted my 30's. But I hear 40 is the new 30!
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I agree with Midwest. At the rehab it was referred to as “Euphoric Recall” and does play a part on climbing aboard the relapse train. The three main stages of relapse are Emotional Relapse followed by Mental Relapse ending with Physical Relapse. Euphoric recall straddles both emotional and mental stages, in the emotional stage you are not thinking about picking up at all, you believe you are strong and have no intention of ever using again, no way, never! That is what makes the stages of relapse tricky as you can’t sometimes tell until you are in the later stages that your actually boarding the train.
You’re doing great so far Doris so don’t take the above as any kind of criticism, just make sure you understand why you are thinking and feeling what you are feeling so you can deal with it in a healthy way and don’t ignore any signs along the way! xx
You’re doing great so far Doris so don’t take the above as any kind of criticism, just make sure you understand why you are thinking and feeling what you are feeling so you can deal with it in a healthy way and don’t ignore any signs along the way! xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Originally Posted by Canuck76
The memories of my debauched youth are pleasant and nostalgic. I was a binge-drinker and drug abuser, yes, but so were my friends. It was all in a social environment and recreational in nature. I didn't drink alone and I kept it to weekends for the most part.
As I approached my 30th birthday, things started to change. I was drinking more frequently and drinking alone. Then problems started cropping up. Issues at work. Problems in relationships. Legal and financial matters hit me hard. The memories past age 30 aren't so wistful. Shame and regret is all that comes up.
I wasted my 30's. But I hear 40 is the new 30!
As I approached my 30th birthday, things started to change. I was drinking more frequently and drinking alone. Then problems started cropping up. Issues at work. Problems in relationships. Legal and financial matters hit me hard. The memories past age 30 aren't so wistful. Shame and regret is all that comes up.
I wasted my 30's. But I hear 40 is the new 30!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 500
I was a handful too. When someone asked me if they could make me a drink, I would say yes, and they would reply "a regular sized drink, or a Chris sized drink?". Chris sized drink contained about 5oz a liquor...
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I understand what you are saying, Doris. Those carefree times in my early 20's, when I could drink on nights out with friends, laughing the night away, having the time of my life -- I can think back fondly on those times. Alcohol was OK for me then. It was part of socializing, and didn't get me in any trouble. I enjoy those memories.
At first when I got sober I had some sadness that I could never return to those times of being able to drink like that. But really - it had been a couple of decades since that was a possibility at all, and the fun was really more about being young and with few responsibilities than it was about alcohol back then. No one can reclaim that. No matter how hard we try as we get older. I think a lot of us chase that feeling right to the bottom of a bottle, at least I did. Always looking for the fun. I was social drinker, in that I didn't drink alone at home.
At some point, I don't know when, I crossed a line and drinking was much more of a problem than it was fun. It was years before I was able to hit a bottom deep enough for me to be desperate enough to quit. I don't want to ever try to recapture the fleeting fun that came with drinking. It's just not worth it. It'll never be the same as it was when I was 23, and I'm really ok with that. I'm glad I had those days. I can remember those times fondly, and at the same time, realize I can't (and don't want to) go back.
At first when I got sober I had some sadness that I could never return to those times of being able to drink like that. But really - it had been a couple of decades since that was a possibility at all, and the fun was really more about being young and with few responsibilities than it was about alcohol back then. No one can reclaim that. No matter how hard we try as we get older. I think a lot of us chase that feeling right to the bottom of a bottle, at least I did. Always looking for the fun. I was social drinker, in that I didn't drink alone at home.
At some point, I don't know when, I crossed a line and drinking was much more of a problem than it was fun. It was years before I was able to hit a bottom deep enough for me to be desperate enough to quit. I don't want to ever try to recapture the fleeting fun that came with drinking. It's just not worth it. It'll never be the same as it was when I was 23, and I'm really ok with that. I'm glad I had those days. I can remember those times fondly, and at the same time, realize I can't (and don't want to) go back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Originally Posted by MLD51
I understand what you are saying, Doris. Those carefree times in my early 20's, when I could drink on nights out with friends, laughing the night away, having the time of my life -- I can think back fondly on those times. Alcohol was OK for me then. It was part of socializing, and didn't get me in any trouble. I enjoy those memories.
At first when I got sober I had some sadness that I could never return to those times of being able to drink like that. But really - it had been a couple of decades since that was a possibility at all, and the fun was really more about being young and with few responsibilities than it was about alcohol back then. No one can reclaim that. No matter how hard we try as we get older. I think a lot of us chase that feeling right to the bottom of a bottle, at least I did. Always looking for the fun. I was social drinker, in that I didn't drink alone at home.
At some point, I don't know when, I crossed a line and drinking was much more of a problem than it was fun. It was years before I was able to hit a bottom deep enough for me to be desperate enough to quit. I don't want to ever try to recapture the fleeting fun that came with drinking. It's just not worth it. It'll never be the same as it was when I was 23, and I'm really ok with that. I'm glad I had those days. I can remember those times fondly, and at the same time, realize I can't (and don't want to) go back.
At first when I got sober I had some sadness that I could never return to those times of being able to drink like that. But really - it had been a couple of decades since that was a possibility at all, and the fun was really more about being young and with few responsibilities than it was about alcohol back then. No one can reclaim that. No matter how hard we try as we get older. I think a lot of us chase that feeling right to the bottom of a bottle, at least I did. Always looking for the fun. I was social drinker, in that I didn't drink alone at home.
At some point, I don't know when, I crossed a line and drinking was much more of a problem than it was fun. It was years before I was able to hit a bottom deep enough for me to be desperate enough to quit. I don't want to ever try to recapture the fleeting fun that came with drinking. It's just not worth it. It'll never be the same as it was when I was 23, and I'm really ok with that. I'm glad I had those days. I can remember those times fondly, and at the same time, realize I can't (and don't want to) go back.
thank you 🙏💖
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
It's sad for me to consider. Even the carefree, fun and wild memories are now colored with the knowledge of what was to come. In fact I can now see clearly that the demon was always with me, waiting, watching, encouraging me to get close as I could to oblivion. I wish it was different, I don't like to look back in sadness, alas.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
I went through a phase of feeling nostalgic for the good times & I felt very sorry for myself. I even got emotional when driving by my favorite drinking spots. Like you, I had to remind myself of the danger I often put myself in. We always tend to remember the fun part - and I wish I'd kept a journal of all the terrible messes I got myself into. Great post, Doris. 
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 179
I still have to turn off Bohemian Rhapsody whenever it comes on the radio, because it'e now my Embarrassing Drunk Karaoke Memory of Extreme Cringing (ok, memories). I'm glad, too, to have things I like be ruined by memories of my being a drunken fool. I'm glad I didn't lose things I loved more, and it's great motivation to stay the course.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Originally Posted by Lipstuck
I'm glad I didn't lose things I loved more, and it's great motivation to stay the course.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Originally Posted by Doris47
I was having a conversation last night, where I was talking about my "old days" and all the funny, wacky,hilarious situations I got my self in. Boy I was a handful 😂😂.
Even though I hold those memories dear, I had to remind myself,the fun stopped.
I would never want to change those times, because it shaped who i am now.
I had the little pang of regret knowing that I could never go back, which made me quite sad.
Again I had to remind my self of the mornings I woke up head to toe in bruises, not knowing how they got there, or in fact how the hell I got home.
And how the fun times turned quite dark, quite quickly.
The blackouts,complete memory loss.
Just another reminder that for me, I can not drink.
So I'm happy to keep the fun memories, but i have to 100% keep hold of the dark times
I sometimes wonder "what now?" But it's early days, I don't look to far ahead. I concentrate on here an now.
So for today "I won't drink" I dont want to 😄
As always sending much love and strength to all those trying to get through the day.
🙏💖
Even though I hold those memories dear, I had to remind myself,the fun stopped.
I would never want to change those times, because it shaped who i am now.
I had the little pang of regret knowing that I could never go back, which made me quite sad.
Again I had to remind my self of the mornings I woke up head to toe in bruises, not knowing how they got there, or in fact how the hell I got home.
And how the fun times turned quite dark, quite quickly.
The blackouts,complete memory loss.
Just another reminder that for me, I can not drink.
So I'm happy to keep the fun memories, but i have to 100% keep hold of the dark times
I sometimes wonder "what now?" But it's early days, I don't look to far ahead. I concentrate on here an now.
So for today "I won't drink" I dont want to 😄
As always sending much love and strength to all those trying to get through the day.
🙏💖
Ah Doris I sometimes find myself looking back into the past with my rose-tinted glasses on. It takes me a while to realise the bad outweighed the good and I have to constantly remind myself of that.
All the parties and encounters. The clubs, the lifestyle. All of that looks good through the rose-tinted glasses.
Sniffing cocaine out of the carpet of the tiny box room I lived in at 9am on a Tuesday morning was not.
It's funny how the addict's mind has very selective memory.
Natom
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I don't admitting that I had a great time when I was young. And drinking and drugging was a part of it. I have great memories of some of the fun, and dumb things I did. Personally, I don't see a problem looking back to those days and get a laugh out of it, and how lucky I was to get through it without any real consequence. But things change. I've changed. There's things I did back then that I would never consider doing it now. My partying days have been over for a long time, and I'm thankful for it. I'm just not the same person I was back then. John
Walk on
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 68
I had great times when I was younger drinking and smoking weed, but somewhere along the way it turned into something sinister.
I'll look at certain memories and laugh, truthfully not because I miss them but because I think "what a stupid ******** I was"... and not in a good way. I know I couldn't enjoy those times now as the last few years getting smashed on binges were always ruined by the deep rooted thought telling me "I failed again... I need to stop but I can't".
It's fun when you don't realize the damage it's doing to your mental health, your relationships and all the things you are sacrificing. If I could go back I would replace all those times with something better. I don't think "getting smashed and having a mad one" is big or clever at all now. Great times at the time because I was oblivious to what life COULD have of been.
I'll look at certain memories and laugh, truthfully not because I miss them but because I think "what a stupid ******** I was"... and not in a good way. I know I couldn't enjoy those times now as the last few years getting smashed on binges were always ruined by the deep rooted thought telling me "I failed again... I need to stop but I can't".
It's fun when you don't realize the damage it's doing to your mental health, your relationships and all the things you are sacrificing. If I could go back I would replace all those times with something better. I don't think "getting smashed and having a mad one" is big or clever at all now. Great times at the time because I was oblivious to what life COULD have of been.
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