Oh man! First big test to stay sober!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 128
Oh man! First big test to stay sober!!
Just found out my boyfriend was on a singles site🙄. Drinking very briefly crossed my mind, but the AV can go faaarrr away!! No romantic relationship is worth my hard earned sobriety!! So even though I’m winning the battle, and still have no real urge to drink(soooo not worth it!!), I could use some positivity and encouragement from my sober friends!! Having a broken heart sucks😔
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
viewing life things that happen as TESTS of our sobriety is kind of a set up for reasons to drink. life just happens. sometimes good stuff, sometimes not so good stuff. but the universe is not deliberately manipulating situations to present you with a test.
i'm sorry for the recent revelations. as others suggested it's probably a good time to reassess the "relationship"??
i'm sorry for the recent revelations. as others suggested it's probably a good time to reassess the "relationship"??
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I've been there more than once. Not because of a singles site, but just the way break ups happen.
Now that I've been through it sober, I can just walk away with my broken heart.
I did drink while I was drinking still, but never sober.
I understand how hard it is not to just to get drunk, but what would that solve.
I think it's much better to go through this sober. And you sound determined not to drink, so great going there.
Broken hearts take care of themselves after a time, but it's no fun going through.
Best to you and sending good thoughts your way. Like you say, it's not worth losing your sobriety over.
Now that I've been through it sober, I can just walk away with my broken heart.
I did drink while I was drinking still, but never sober.
I understand how hard it is not to just to get drunk, but what would that solve.
I think it's much better to go through this sober. And you sound determined not to drink, so great going there.
Broken hearts take care of themselves after a time, but it's no fun going through.
Best to you and sending good thoughts your way. Like you say, it's not worth losing your sobriety over.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 128
Thanks guys!! I know life happens and I know 100% that drinking just adds fuel to the fire so no way am I going that route! But this plain sucks! He was a non drinker as well and really was supportive of my sobriety so this stings a little, he was my first relationship post divorce, so think it’s best to just focus on myself and my kids for now, and I’m so early in my sobriety that I need to focus on that as well and not dwell on a broken relationship. Just so hard to not take it personally, we got along so well. I never saw this coming😔. Just had a nice and relaxing bath and might just get a good night’s sleep tonight if I can! I will work through this, it will just make me stronger💪
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Amby, I'm glad you're getting through this and I'm sorry for your situation. At least, now, you know the truth. As you said, focus on you and your children and keep reading and posting.
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 141
Went through the exact same thing a month ago, I dumped her on the spot. We had only been dating a few months but she specifically told me she wasn't on there anymore. I checked and she had been active that week. As someone else said above, better to know now than later on. Blessing in disguise, helped me get sober as she was the 2nd vindictive girlfriend in a row mainly because I was drunk and careless / ignoring red flags.
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 33
Wow! U are so strong to be so adamant not to let this break ur sobriety! That’d definitely be hard for me. Good for u for recognizing ur self worth and not letting a man’s actions get u off course. Congrats, & please know I will remember this next time something happens in my life that’s hard. Taking inspiration from u! Stay strong 
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,382
Reminds me of Gary Stewart's classic country song "She's Acting Single, I'm Drinking Doubles". AmbyMarie, your approach of sticking strongly to your sobriety is a much better way to handle that cad single-acting bf issue of yours, I'd say.
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 128
We had a long talk about it and he broke down crying. It was ultimately just a FB group he was in before we got together but he was still on it at the beginning of our relationship but had left it a few months ago and had proof. I probably shouldn’t have snooped around looking for something🙄. So I’m cautious, but we are working through it. We are “Facebook official” if that makes any difference so not like he can play the singles card on Facebook since his relationship status is for all to see. Looks like my insecurities have followed me, still focusing on me and the kids first and still doing what it takes to keep forever sobriety! So taking it one day at a time so to speak, but feel a lot better having had an honest talk with him.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
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Originally Posted by SnazzyDresser 
Reminds me of Gary Stewart's classic country song "She's Acting Single, I'm Drinking Doubles". AmbyMarie, your approach of sticking strongly to your sobriety is a much better way to handle that cad single-acting bf issue of yours, I'd say.
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