Highercall

nez

I also struggled to understand why I drank. Looking for the answer damn near killed me. It definitely brought me to death's door. For me, the turning point came when I turned my focus from why I drank, to how to be sober.

Jules714

I drank because I didn't want to feel. I didnt want to deal. To celebrate. To commiserate.
and as Nez said finally it brought me to deaths door. Physically at last. My emotions were gone long before.
Your physical symptoms are not those of a normal drinker. The health decline is rapid and scary. I hope you will seek medical advice on how to approach detox for your level of consumption.
I also love what Nez said about focusing on recovery. Pour yourself into that. It gets so much better.
Feel better,
Jules

least

You don't have to understand why you drink. You only have to know how to stop drinking. One day your luck will run out. I hope you get sober before you get to that point.

ReadyAtLast

What least said.

don't waste energy worrying about trying to undestand why you drink. Put it into your plan for stopping drinking. What do you plan to do ?congrats on day 1 sober. ☺

Dee74

I'm sorry to see you struggling HC and sorrier still to see you dismiss your current situation as 'reasonably good' and 'functioning'.

I'm sorry mostly because I've been there.

I kept drinking so long as I could too .

I put more effort into my continuing to drink that I did into me stopping drinking and finding recovery.

At the time I guess I hoped that I could keep drinking heavily and one day I'd find some mythical alcoholic balance and my drinking would one day not be a problem for me and all those negative consequences would magically cease.

Of course what really happened was the drinking and the consequences got worse and worse.

I'd grab onto ideas but never make a concerted effort to follow them through. Not drinking was hard. Drinking was easy.

Doing nothing, or very little, for my recovery meant the default, drinking, won out every time.

You've had a lot of suggestions over your time here - but none of us can make you take those suggestions.

I wish I'd stopped ten years before I did.
I really hope you decide to stop soon too.

There's a real HC in there somewhere fighting to come out.

D

lessgravity

Wrote this to you a few weeks ago:

lessgravity , 01-29-2019 07:07 AM
I open your thread knowing "I binged..." will be in the first couple sentences. I say this as someone who was no better at getting sober for a long time as well. But I was also told, and finally listened - post before you drink next time.

Same old man. Why not post before you drink this time?

No one is coming to save you.

Healthyandsober

We are in the same boat. it will get worst i know but can't stop i have stopped before but now the will scape me.

i read a thread today that was closed of someone talking about how bad his life was impacted by his alcoholic love one.

stop lying to yourself you are not managing somewhere somehow you are hurting people with your behaviors no matter how isolated you are. also work will caught up with you you will fail.

but again i am in the same boat unsuccessfully trying to keep this show when i know the show is over.

i wish to God we stop ... cause it will get ugly

Delilah1

The physical and mental benefits of sobriety are so worth it. If you're sober today, this is day one, and can be your last day one. Each day sober will get little easier, you can do this.