Gemini1967

Hi... I'm back and hopefully fully accepting my alcoholism for the final time. I had 15 months sober and was so happy. Really happy for the first time in a long time. My son went away to camp for 3 weeks and I thought I could moderate, that was in July. since then I have not been able to stay sober for more than 6 weeks if that. Hospitalised and medically detoxed 2 times. All because I refuse to accept I can't drink. I am back to AA meetings but I am scared I will deceive myself again. I have put myself and my children through hell. I need to accept. Any advise? Thanks so much.

gettingsmarter

I had to finally accept that I have no control over my drinking when I start and can never drink again. Thats the only way I have been able to quit. You have to "play the tape forward" when you think about having a drink. We know what it leads to eventually. It is a merry go round that you don't have to be on.
Be honest with yourself in the deepest part of who you are that your really done for good. Drinking is no longer an option.

Ustacallmelola

When we let our addictive voice take over, we are doomed. We will never be able to moderate. That is our addiction lying to us. I quit smoking 18 years ago and never went back. I know I could never have just one cigarette, ever. I hope one day to be able to get enough sober time to be able to apply the same principle. One is too many, and a thousand is never enough.

Jules714

"All because I refuse to accept I can't drink"
~You

"You always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself."
~Glinda the Good Witch
​​​​​​Merry old land of Oz.

​​​​​​Welcome back. Accept it. The only advice I have.
You got this. You've done this. You know it is so much better. Maybe one more thing...Don't beat yourself up with "since July". Live and let live. Emphasis on the living.
Good job posting too.

Jules

Hevyn

I'm really glad you're back to give it another go, Gemini. Sometimes we need further proof that we have no control once that first drink hits us. I know I did. I hope you'll read & post here often - the constant reminder of the hell we put ourselves through really helps me. We just have to acknowledge that it's never going to be fun or relaxing - there's only misery at the bottom of that glass or bottle.

Dee74

Welcoem back Gemini

I think you could do a lot worse than become a regular poster here again. Post daily or more than daily. Make recovery a daily priority

Why not join our Class of February support thread?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...pt-1-a-10.html
D

Anna

I think you really do need to fully accept that you can no longer drink alcohol, ever. You had 15 months of sobriety so you know how to do this.

Zebra1275

Welcome back.

Lenono17

You’re definitely not alone in a situation like this, so many of us have done the same thing. When I first quit I had a little over a year myself, and I somehow thought maybe a few beers would be alright. I justified that if I didn’t touch the hard stuff then I would be ok, but I quickly found out that as an alcoholic four beers turned into 20 beers within a month. And it’s tough when you’ve had some time and you feel like you’ve thrown all the good work away, it’s hard to get it under control when that guilt takes a hold of you again. My relapse showed me that I couldn’t take my sobriety for granted and for the first time I realized I am truly incapable of ever being able to drink responsibly. I know you can get through this, you’ve already proven you can before!

Gemini1967

Thanks everyone for your posts. I am committed to this, for myself and for my family. I need to be sober. Xx