RedAndy

Now on my 3rd attempt at sobriety with 40 days under my belt this time, and feeling on a nice calm level at present

Since Nov 15 when I finally admitted I truly had a problem and reached out for help to the local drug and alcohol team and found my way to SR I have had 20 months and 8 months sober time both ended in relapses of 5 months that on each occasion got worse and more problematic definitely progressing further down the scale in each relapse.

Learned a lot in those first two stints and have returned to AA which I immersed myself in for those 8 months last year doing a meeting a day since the 2nd of Jan and finding I have picked back up where I left when I was in a good place working the programme last year.

FYI, AA definitely wasn’t for me the first time I gave it a go in early 2016, so glad I opened my mind and didn’t continue with the contempt I once showed to everything prior to true investigation.

The change for me this time to the previous occasions - “ACCEPTANCE” - I’ve known for a long time and admitted without doubt that I was an alcoholic l, my drinking career was chaotic to say the least but could not accept it, having a real problem that others could and I can’t - a constant inner battle in sobriety and fighting it and whilst talking a good game not being truly honest as to how I felt, with others and most of all with myself that I really wanted to drink.

We all have our own paths and I firmly believe I needed the 2 relapses to make me wake up and finally accept I am an alcoholic and cannot drink successfully and despite previous lingering desires to try again this truly has left me since I have surrendered and accepted the fact that it no longer works for me and never will.

Clinging to that as I have done previously only holds me in more pain as it’s a desperate place to be in sobriety which left me on the verge of suicide in July last year having attempted the same whilst drinking in Oct 17.

Having so many good people around me in AA and on SR has been a huge help in my recovery and so glad I found my way back, I also realise that helping others is a crucial part of what is required to keep me sober and focused.

For anyone struggling, make a plan, find your path, use whatever tools you find help you - keep going and never give up - there is a life to be lived without alcohol or other substances, one day at a time, life does get better.

thomas11

Great to see you again RA. I completely agree that acceptance is the final hurdle, and things get much easier once we accept our condition. We can then move forward. Congrats on your sober time.

RedAndy

Thanks mate, good to see you are still around.

Knowing it is one thing but acceptance feels completely different, a sense of being free from the torment but knowing the power it holds given half the chance.

red3215

You are absolutely right. It can be very discouraging to keep slipping up, vowing to stay sober, then slipping up again. And again and again. Giving up isn't an option, though.
I tried AA 3 times and it didn't work for me but it definitely is helpful to be around others who have been down the same dark path of alcoholism and understand what you're going through. I still go to meeting sometimes.
Congrats on your sobriety .

Hawkeye13

I'm glad to see you back Andy and it sounds like you've learned a lot from the relapses--better tools means better success

MissPerfumado

Hi RedAndy

I couldn't agree more - we all have our own paths. The important thing is to ultimately get and stay sober.

I like what you've said here and I feel anyone who has relapsed and restarted on sobriety should take heart from this. There should be something different when you are recommitting to sobriety - there should be another lesson or lessons learned from the previous relapse(s), another tool or tools in the armoury.

I worry when people commit to sobriety with a feeling that it's a matter of time before they fall back on drinking, just because it's happened before. That's why we always ask and get asked here: what can you do different this time?

In your case, I think this wonderful feeling of surrender and absolute acceptance is what did it for me. I really knew I had no choice and I gave up fighting. A feeling of relief washed over me the second I gave up and I will never forget it. I was sitting in my doctor's office and I had just confessed the true extent of my problem, and a sensation of surrender - followed immediately by the second sensation of relief - washed over me.

At that very point the battle was over and I got my life back.

SoberCAH

Thanks, MP, for reminding me of the sense of relief I felt in the treatment center when, after many demoralizing defeats and personal and professional embarrassments, I finally accepted the fact that I could no longer drink without losing everything in my life that was important to me.

I felt like I was in the bottom of a well.

There was no fight left in me.

All I could do was listen and do as told.

RA, we're very happy you are here with us.

Your prior failures with alcohol, including relapses, constitute your story.

We all have one.

As they say in the program, none of us got in here on a winning streak.

From what you revealed in the original post, you're certainly one of us.

Welcome.

RedAndy

Thanks for all the replies and kind words.

At a really powerful meeting earlier today, the knowledge, wisdom and understanding in the rooms is something else, makes you realise just how fortunate we are to have made the steps into active recovery, whichever path is chosen - how many simply never find any sort of help with their alcoholism or addictions.

Truly grateful to be a sober recovering alcoholic today.

Dee74

Great thread Andy - thanks
Congrats on your sober time too

D

Wholesome

It took me like 10 years of trying and failing before I finally got it right.

Never ever give up.