building a relationship with my husband
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
building a relationship with my husband
One day at a time. Self-love, meditation, prayer, counseling and whatever else God/Universe brings my way.
We live in separate places. Some days we may talk, text or leave a brief voicemail. Some days we don't. We both have own own stuff to take care of. Life is good. I'm learning to enjoy it fully.
He's in alcohol recovery counseling and AA. I'm a member of Al-anon.
#beyondme
#healingactions
We live in separate places. Some days we may talk, text or leave a brief voicemail. Some days we don't. We both have own own stuff to take care of. Life is good. I'm learning to enjoy it fully.
He's in alcohol recovery counseling and AA. I'm a member of Al-anon.
#beyondme
#healingactions
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Thank you to everyone who's been on this journey with me.
One day at a time, indeed. I have some concerns that came up a week ago.
I have some concerns cropping up again today.
His recovery is his.
One day at a time, indeed. I have some concerns that came up a week ago.
I have some concerns cropping up again today.
His recovery is his.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Mango, from all you've posted here it seems like your husband is a serial relapser.
I didn't want to respond to this thread and be discouraging, but with everything else happening in your life, it seems like dealing with him and his relapses is the last thing you need emotionally.
I wish him the best of course, but my concern here is what is best for you
:
I didn't want to respond to this thread and be discouraging, but with everything else happening in your life, it seems like dealing with him and his relapses is the last thing you need emotionally.
I wish him the best of course, but my concern here is what is best for you
:
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Thanks, Hawkeye, for the words, having my back and the hugs!
My husband has been a serial relapser and I'm aware of this. I'm allowing clarity, allowing guidance from my Higher Power, staying close to many healthy connections and enjoying life.
Ala-friends have kept me grounded. Early recovery can be full of a lot of things. Keeping an ease, sense of humor and letting go of everyone else's "stuff" gives me room to direct my thoughts, actions and life in ways that benefit myself and DS12.
My husband has been a serial relapser and I'm aware of this. I'm allowing clarity, allowing guidance from my Higher Power, staying close to many healthy connections and enjoying life.
Ala-friends have kept me grounded. Early recovery can be full of a lot of things. Keeping an ease, sense of humor and letting go of everyone else's "stuff" gives me room to direct my thoughts, actions and life in ways that benefit myself and DS12.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Many God signs along the way.
Prayer: God, please give me eyes to see, ears to hear and strength to embrace the illogical.
Meditation: I am worthy of a big, beautiful life.
#thankyougod
#lawofattraction
#celebratelife
Prayer: God, please give me eyes to see, ears to hear and strength to embrace the illogical.
Meditation: I am worthy of a big, beautiful life.
#thankyougod
#lawofattraction
#celebratelife
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
From dandylion on another thread:
you will have to do what you have got to do to protect your self and the children......even if you never thought you would have to go this route,,,,,
This is exactly where I've been and I'm glad for it!!!
Authenticity. Knowing my own truth. Stepping out of my confort zone. Seeing life in new ways.
Marriage-wise, taking care of myself is good care for for my marriage. More will be revealed. Life's a journey. Today I made a Mexican mocha - coffee, cream, vanilla, cocoa and a mix of spices. An Al-anon meeting, time with friends, self-care, life-care, planning on an open AA meeting this evening.
you will have to do what you have got to do to protect your self and the children......even if you never thought you would have to go this route,,,,,
This is exactly where I've been and I'm glad for it!!!
Authenticity. Knowing my own truth. Stepping out of my confort zone. Seeing life in new ways.
Marriage-wise, taking care of myself is good care for for my marriage. More will be revealed. Life's a journey. Today I made a Mexican mocha - coffee, cream, vanilla, cocoa and a mix of spices. An Al-anon meeting, time with friends, self-care, life-care, planning on an open AA meeting this evening.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
I like how the timing of all this works. The open AA meeting was "To Wives." discussion. How spouses, families and significant others have been affected. I passed. Listened. Saying, "Thank you, God."
Many double winners in the group. AA/Alanon. Separate yet often connected. Two very different perspectives.
Many double winners in the group. AA/Alanon. Separate yet often connected. Two very different perspectives.
Aside from addicts and alcoholics themselves, nobody suffers more than those forced to watch a loved one suffer. They sometimes blame themselves for their loved one’s disease, especially if they can identify past enablingbehaviors. Such people experience constant fear, depression, self-pity, and quite often resentments. They lie on behalf of their beloved addict or alcoholic. And when they aren’t trying to protect their loved one, they’re praying for this person to get better. At other times, they may lash out due to frustration. Chapter 8 of Alcoholics Anonymous (“To Wives”) speaks directly to those who understand such struggles.
“To Wives” doesn’t address wives alone, acknowledging that many husbands, parents, and other family members are all too familiar with the pain of watching a loved one struggle against the crippling disease of addiction.
aa reading guide to wives/
“To Wives” doesn’t address wives alone, acknowledging that many husbands, parents, and other family members are all too familiar with the pain of watching a loved one struggle against the crippling disease of addiction.
aa reading guide to wives/
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
As I remember where my husband has been at certain points in the past, and healthy actions I've been able to take, I'm doing a bit of information gathering this morning.
I'm familiarizing myself with where I've been, the tools I have - including reaching out to the mental health communities, making use of an Al-anon phone list (there is magic of life in these simple steps) and planning what I'm having for dinner tonight. Leaving a series of voicemails saying how I'm doing-- which requires me to honestly check in with how I'm doing-- and leave good wishes for others who have been through these things is very powerful.
Dinner tonight: loaded baked potato chowder. Good nutrition. A great focus and aroma.
The community my husband is living in, not far from where I grew up, has new community health programs that started recently. One is Native-based, which I often relate to in many ways. Simply knowing of available resources opens myself to more opportunities the Universe holds. Prayer and meditation help in opening my mind and heart.
DS30 and DS12 are near my husband's town. Awareness of what I can do, what I can't do and taking life one day at a time. I have an appointment there next week, and now some places to touch base with while I'm in the area. Staying in touch here and with Alanon friends helps keep my intents clear. This is beyond me.
I'm familiarizing myself with where I've been, the tools I have - including reaching out to the mental health communities, making use of an Al-anon phone list (there is magic of life in these simple steps) and planning what I'm having for dinner tonight. Leaving a series of voicemails saying how I'm doing-- which requires me to honestly check in with how I'm doing-- and leave good wishes for others who have been through these things is very powerful.
Dinner tonight: loaded baked potato chowder. Good nutrition. A great focus and aroma.
The community my husband is living in, not far from where I grew up, has new community health programs that started recently. One is Native-based, which I often relate to in many ways. Simply knowing of available resources opens myself to more opportunities the Universe holds. Prayer and meditation help in opening my mind and heart.
DS30 and DS12 are near my husband's town. Awareness of what I can do, what I can't do and taking life one day at a time. I have an appointment there next week, and now some places to touch base with while I'm in the area. Staying in touch here and with Alanon friends helps keep my intents clear. This is beyond me.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
it seems like dealing with him and his relapses is the last thing you need emotionally.
Hawkeye,
Thank you again for this.
I'm spending extra time meditating today.
Awareness of self-care first. The word "adventure" is also speaking to my heart.
Hawkeye,
Thank you again for this.
I'm spending extra time meditating today.
Awareness of self-care first. The word "adventure" is also speaking to my heart.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Mango......I would bet everything that I own that you will find enjoyable life adventures only after leaving the reaches of toxic and abusive people from your past.....a nd I am including your husband, in that.
You can still have certain feelings....and, even, a certain level of "relationship", without rejoining that person, again.....
You cannot nurture yourself while living under the thumb of another....
You can still have certain feelings....and, even, a certain level of "relationship", without rejoining that person, again.....
You cannot nurture yourself while living under the thumb of another....
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Hi dandylion,
Thank you for being here with me.
Long before now I was already nuturing myself in many ways. It was that nurturing that strengthened me in many ways. I became (am becoming) strong enough to face childhood trauma I didn't conciously know I'd lived through.
I have skills now in creating and enjoying safe environments, discerning what environments are safe - in a really different way than I've ever looked at them before- and walking through unsafe situations with my Higher Power when is needed.
Instead of guiding me away from war-zone type areas, sometimes my Higher Power guides me through them for a reason.
More will be revealed.
I've had many enjoyable life adventures and expect to have more today, and tomorrow. Life is very connected, good and there are many paths to healing.
#lawofattraction
#thankyougod
Thank you for being here with me.
Long before now I was already nuturing myself in many ways. It was that nurturing that strengthened me in many ways. I became (am becoming) strong enough to face childhood trauma I didn't conciously know I'd lived through.
I have skills now in creating and enjoying safe environments, discerning what environments are safe - in a really different way than I've ever looked at them before- and walking through unsafe situations with my Higher Power when is needed.
Instead of guiding me away from war-zone type areas, sometimes my Higher Power guides me through them for a reason.
More will be revealed.
I've had many enjoyable life adventures and expect to have more today, and tomorrow. Life is very connected, good and there are many paths to healing.
#lawofattraction
#thankyougod
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
A war-zone is not a home, however, and sometimes we spend so long in the trenches with the soldiers we fought, and fought with, we forget that there is a place of peace and perhaps other humans who may help us heal rather than our brothers-in-arms.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
The situation with my FOO, CPS and dealing with much loved family members who are angry with me for disengaging from dysfunctional enmeshment are the types of war zones God has been walking me through, for reasons that will continue to clarify somewhere along the way.
This is a war I deal with by meditation, prayer and taking things one moment at a time. Enjoyment of life, allowing all my feelings to flow and learning to direct my thoughts and feelings are really good things.
I allow inner peace in this moment, in this day, and have gratitude for this.
As for my husband, this too shall have more revealed, one day at a time. When he's in recovery he has my back and is a much different man than in his illness. Yesterday I spent a couple hours with someone who has both dementia and alcoholism in their family. We had a deep, good talk about many difficulties and also enjoyed many good things in our conversation.
This is a war I deal with by meditation, prayer and taking things one moment at a time. Enjoyment of life, allowing all my feelings to flow and learning to direct my thoughts and feelings are really good things.
I allow inner peace in this moment, in this day, and have gratitude for this.
As for my husband, this too shall have more revealed, one day at a time. When he's in recovery he has my back and is a much different man than in his illness. Yesterday I spent a couple hours with someone who has both dementia and alcoholism in their family. We had a deep, good talk about many difficulties and also enjoyed many good things in our conversation.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
I have an acquaintance who was unexpectedly dropped off in a war-zone with her family in a different country fairly recently. They had no choice but to walk through it to get to safety.
This is where the "war-zone" term speaks to my heart.
This is where the "war-zone" term speaks to my heart.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 128
Mango, I’m glad you connected with someone outside your family yesterday. Those moments can be precious. I have appreciated your support of my issues in the past, and I have an understanding of your situation. It’s important to find peace within, to take care of yourself more than any one else (this is the hardest thing of all for me), and at the same time it’s ok to have hope, I actually think that having compassion and hope can be very positive (and sometimes too hard to cope with and necessary to step away from). It’s all just not black and white. Just like life.
. Those moments can be precious. I have appreciated your support of my issues in the past, and I have an understanding of your situation. It’s important to find peace within, to take care of yourself more than any one else (this is the hardest thing of all for me), and at the same time it’s ok to have hope, I actually think that having compassion and hope can be very positive (and sometimes too hard to cope with and necessary to step away from). It’s all just not black and white. Just like life.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
