38 days - what next?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
38 days - what next?
Hello SR friends,
I'm now 38 days sober and am grateful and making progress. It's now a year since I was in rehab. I'm still having some mental health problems (schizophrenia) but the absence of alcohol has allowed the medication to work much better.
Here's what I've been doing to get this far:
- Seeing my alcohol counsellor fortnightly
- Seeing my mental health nurse fortnightly
- Seeing a psychotherapist fortnightly
- Swimming twice a week
- Cooking healthy food every day
- Studying for 30 plus hours a week
- Seeing my parents several times a week
- Making an effort to get on better with my housemates
- Visiting SR every few days
- Working on my relapse prevention plan
This is all well and good but I am now beginning to realise what is lacking...
- I feel I have wasted the last 21 years drinking (I'm now 41).
- My emotional intelligence and experience is very low.
- I have few friends.
- I'm not currently in paid employment and have burnt all my bridges with former colleagues and contacts.
- My anxiety levels are improved but still very high.
Reading the thread on 'emotional sobriety' has made me think that I need to work on more than 'not drinking' and try to become a better person as a whole.
I have tried AA in the past and might consider going back (it was of limited use while I was still drinking). Do you guys have any suggestions as to what should come next?
Thanks, Forwards.
I'm now 38 days sober and am grateful and making progress. It's now a year since I was in rehab. I'm still having some mental health problems (schizophrenia) but the absence of alcohol has allowed the medication to work much better.
Here's what I've been doing to get this far:
- Seeing my alcohol counsellor fortnightly
- Seeing my mental health nurse fortnightly
- Seeing a psychotherapist fortnightly
- Swimming twice a week
- Cooking healthy food every day
- Studying for 30 plus hours a week
- Seeing my parents several times a week
- Making an effort to get on better with my housemates
- Visiting SR every few days
- Working on my relapse prevention plan
This is all well and good but I am now beginning to realise what is lacking...
- I feel I have wasted the last 21 years drinking (I'm now 41).
- My emotional intelligence and experience is very low.
- I have few friends.
- I'm not currently in paid employment and have burnt all my bridges with former colleagues and contacts.
- My anxiety levels are improved but still very high.
Reading the thread on 'emotional sobriety' has made me think that I need to work on more than 'not drinking' and try to become a better person as a whole.
I have tried AA in the past and might consider going back (it was of limited use while I was still drinking). Do you guys have any suggestions as to what should come next?
Thanks, Forwards.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Congrats on 38 days and, even more, congrats on the clarity with which you seem to be approaching sobriety. Are you a reader? Jordan Peterson's book 12 Rules for Life, was incredibly helpful for me during the exact stage you are in, about 9 months ago for me.
I know what you are experiencing - and I think it was important for me (I'm also 41), so focus on self-analysis/improvement. NEVER losing sight of the fact that my No1 concern was always not drinking.
What steps can you take to get back to working?
I know what you are experiencing - and I think it was important for me (I'm also 41), so focus on self-analysis/improvement. NEVER losing sight of the fact that my No1 concern was always not drinking.
What steps can you take to get back to working?
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
With all that you have been going through and dealing with, the fact you made this list is a great sign your heading in the right direction.
You need to remember sober time helps heal many wounds but it doesn't come easy and it doesnt come quickly. Many want the change to happen tomorrow but sadly that is not going to happen.
Your anxiety will calm down over time, some have it calm in weeks but for me it took a year or so. I know if I start drinking again I will have to go through that hell again.
You need to remember sober time helps heal many wounds but it doesn't come easy and it doesnt come quickly. Many want the change to happen tomorrow but sadly that is not going to happen.
Your anxiety will calm down over time, some have it calm in weeks but for me it took a year or so. I know if I start drinking again I will have to go through that hell again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 252
Next would be do not take a drink today and tomorrow will be 39. Find a way to be positive. Be grateful for something or things. Be active. That's what it all boils down to for me. For years I over thought this whole thing and it always ended in a downward spiral. Today I keep it simple. Glad you reached out for help, that's also one of big, important things it took me years to be able to do.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 508
Congrats!
39 days for me. Till couple of days ago my near term goal was to get past 6 weeks, my previous longest sober stretch. I have felt great all these days.
Today when I was counting, I shifted the goal post to 50 days - half century in days being sober. This way I get past 6 weeks and have 7 weeks +, then would be 2 months etc. etc.
But I am going one day at a time. Baby steps and hopefully soon I would have miles of days and weeks behind me.
39 days for me. Till couple of days ago my near term goal was to get past 6 weeks, my previous longest sober stretch. I have felt great all these days.
Today when I was counting, I shifted the goal post to 50 days - half century in days being sober. This way I get past 6 weeks and have 7 weeks +, then would be 2 months etc. etc.
But I am going one day at a time. Baby steps and hopefully soon I would have miles of days and weeks behind me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Thanks guys. As regards employment I have been working on a couple of software development projects that I could maybe warm up and get going in return for some nominal pay. The responsibility would do me good. My IT skills are otherwise years out of date - hence the studying...
38 days sobriety is doing well (72 in a row is my record since leaving rehab). As you say, it really is one day at a time.
I'm interested in spiritual and emotional growth of some sort but I'm not really sure where to start. I'm also keen to start making amends but don't know if I'm strong enough yet... Thoughts?
38 days sobriety is doing well (72 in a row is my record since leaving rehab). As you say, it really is one day at a time.
I'm interested in spiritual and emotional growth of some sort but I'm not really sure where to start. I'm also keen to start making amends but don't know if I'm strong enough yet... Thoughts?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I would go back to AA, get a sponsor, work the steps, read the Big Book and the 12 and 12 and meet other folks like you (and me) who are simply trying to get and stay sober.
Congrats on your sober days.
I set a personal sobriety record every time I wake up in the morning.
I had to do the things I recommended above, though, to get and stay sober.
Congrats on your sober days.
I set a personal sobriety record every time I wake up in the morning.
I had to do the things I recommended above, though, to get and stay sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 271
Hi
Your doing great it’s normal to start finding it difficult after so many days.
Keep doing the positive active things you are doing like seeing your therapist, studying and swimming keep that up.
Try really hard to avoid negative thinking and avoid people and places that are likely to wind you up.
Personally I found AA very stressful. If you did not find it useful the first time then don’t start again as you may find people from AA ringing you up all the time.
Dont worrytoo mich about being unemployed a stressful job causing you th drink would not be worth it.
Make amends to yourself your the most important person.
Your doing great it’s normal to start finding it difficult after so many days.
Keep doing the positive active things you are doing like seeing your therapist, studying and swimming keep that up.
Try really hard to avoid negative thinking and avoid people and places that are likely to wind you up.
Personally I found AA very stressful. If you did not find it useful the first time then don’t start again as you may find people from AA ringing you up all the time.
Dont worrytoo mich about being unemployed a stressful job causing you th drink would not be worth it.
Make amends to yourself your the most important person.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Free
Posts: 902
Baby steps.
We are used to ‘quick fixes’ - that’s why we loved alcohol. Be gentle on yourself and your expectations. Life doesn’t instantly change and transform - we have to work through the years it took to get in bad shape in the first place.
I all but ruined my career. Pushed it to the brink. Even the smallest stress when first sober could rattle me at times.
I journaled every day so I could start believing in myself. That I could get through a bad day...and slowly I’ve built a new life. It’s taken time. Things worth doing always do.
You can can still make connections and network as you maintain sobriety. Volunteer, build a new circle of friends. I took lower paid jobs and I loved not having too much stress. Help out at a nursing home. Connect.
Welcome to a new life. The power is in your hands.
We are used to ‘quick fixes’ - that’s why we loved alcohol. Be gentle on yourself and your expectations. Life doesn’t instantly change and transform - we have to work through the years it took to get in bad shape in the first place.
I all but ruined my career. Pushed it to the brink. Even the smallest stress when first sober could rattle me at times.
I journaled every day so I could start believing in myself. That I could get through a bad day...and slowly I’ve built a new life. It’s taken time. Things worth doing always do.
You can can still make connections and network as you maintain sobriety. Volunteer, build a new circle of friends. I took lower paid jobs and I loved not having too much stress. Help out at a nursing home. Connect.
Welcome to a new life. The power is in your hands.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Well I'm just coming to the end of Day 41 and I continue to be grateful.
This evening was 'entertaining'... I live in a shared house of professionals (all currently male). One housemate was cooking with wine when I got home (I used to do that), another was drinking beer in the kitchen, another went out to buy a bottle of wine to share round, another reportedly came in at 2:30 last night and fell up the stairs (I used to do that as well). It's the weekend - you get the picture...
But I am happy to be sober. I'm finding that I'm a natural night owl and now that I have reclaimed my evenings I can focus and study from 8pm to 1am as my best time. This was lost to me when I was drinking.
Onwards with this next phase of growth... Thank you all, Forwards.
This evening was 'entertaining'... I live in a shared house of professionals (all currently male). One housemate was cooking with wine when I got home (I used to do that), another was drinking beer in the kitchen, another went out to buy a bottle of wine to share round, another reportedly came in at 2:30 last night and fell up the stairs (I used to do that as well). It's the weekend - you get the picture...
But I am happy to be sober. I'm finding that I'm a natural night owl and now that I have reclaimed my evenings I can focus and study from 8pm to 1am as my best time. This was lost to me when I was drinking.
Onwards with this next phase of growth... Thank you all, Forwards.
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