Buckley3

Not a question. A statement.

It helps to have one. I think it might even be necessary. And for some reasons you may at first not expect.

It's about more than just what are you going to do when the AV sneaks up on you, or when you make that first venture into a trigger rich environment.

It's essential in helping the mind in general avoid the trap of anxiety, worry, guilt, etc. Thoughts and self-loathings or self-pity or self-reflection that drift untethered to anything specific or concrete in our day to day lives that matter... and leave us feeling out of control, helpless, victimized.

Of late I've been working on dealing with my tendencies toward self-pity by first recognizing when I'm feeling it and quickly asking myself...'ok, so what's your plan.' It's working.

It's not ok to just wallow and splash around in untethered, nebulous thoughts of victim hood. It's toxic, entirely not useful, and will sabotage anything I try to do to treat myself with dignity and respect.

I challenge that if for large periods of time I or we find ourselves wallowing in self pity without responding to it with 'what's my plan then?' or 'so what then?' or 'what one or two things can I do today to move forward?' then maybe the truth we have to admit to ourselves is we don't want to get well. That we are as addicted to self pity as we are anything. That we use self pity to get a payoff of sympathy from others, or to make excuses for ourselves and set ourselves up to give permission to fail.

It doesn't matter if you achieve your plan. What matters is that you have one. That you try. That you put that foot in front of the other... and then you do it again, and again, and again.

The longer I'm sober the more I'm endeared to LessGravity's quote "No one is coming to save me" because no one is.

Look in the mirror. What's your plan? Come down out of the void, the ether. Act.

-B

Delilah1

Buckley, as always, your post is spot on! This is a great post for anyone struggling to read. I think one of the most powerful sentences is "What are one or two things I can do today?" This is where it starts, and it starts with one positive decision at a time. This post needs to keep bumping up today!!

Hope you have a great day Buckley!!!

Canuck76

I am only 6 days sober and just came out of the acute withdrawal stage. Right now my plan is to not drink one day at a time. I will go to an AA meeting everyday. Things look pretty hopeless for me now. I suppose the time to map out a long term plan will come. I will not drink today and I will begin to clean my apartment which is literally a garbage dump.

Delilah1

Canuck, that's a great start. Pick one room, and clean that. If you have time clean another. If you read back through Buckley's posts he faced a really challenging situation, owned it, and made one great decision after another. If you have some time today take a peek at his early posts.

Also, tomorrow you get to start posting in how many weeks sober you are!

You are doing this. Things will start to change one day at a time.

❤️Delilah

lessgravity

Always on the look out for one of your posts Buck.

Totally agree - self-pity may be your obstacle/pattern, I know that mine is procrastination - and they are both properly defeated by action.

Imperfect action is that I am reminding myself about these days. That action you wait on and dwell in your self-pity, or for me in this anxiety creating, self-defeating putting off of things - that action defeats our complexes.

The plan too - with my work lately, which is going well (ONLY b/c I am sober, I'm at my core convinced of this), I find that pulling out the calendar at night, the day before is such a strengthening thing - making a plan. I feed the procrastination demon/wolf by not making a plan. A plan, an imperfect one, is all the action that's needed.

Guener

I really don't have anything to add to what has been said here, other than I've been dealing some with the self-pity and some with procrastination, mostly the latter.

It is a heartening topic to consider over my lunch hour.

PurpleKnight

Great post Buckley!!

SoberCAH

Great job, Canuck.

Going to AA, and working the program, is a great plan.

I haven't had a drink since I started doing that and I have been sober for a pretty good while now.

Keep us posted and congrats on your 6 days.

Finalround

Thank you Buck. Perfect timing for me to read this. Haven't been drinking in past 4 months but I've been feeling stale in my plan and routine of late. No time for self loathing tho, I got sh%t to do.

Thanks again. And congrats on your sober journey. It truly is inspiring.

Dee74

I'd add the caveat that it's not enough to simply have a plan - you need to 'action' it as well... to use business-speak.

It may not get you where you want to be first time out, but the beauty of a plan is it can be rejigged rebuilt and redrawn

Thanks Buckley
D

Buckley3

Perfect. Clean your room. It's the little things like that - building from the inside out, from what we have the power to make good - that gets you there. And then you realize there's not really a 'there.' Things stabilize. If you are willing to let go you will find it easier to enjoy the simplicity of life... life without self inflicted pain. And then it's just living and no turning back.

It's a game of base hits, not home runs. Little by little, every day or every other day. In 30 days you really have something.

Embrace the suck. You aren't alone. And you aren't a monster for it. Plenty of us and others have screwed our lives up royally. It's an opportunity to grow.

Thanks for your comments. You are the person I hope can take something from my experience and build on.

Best to you-

B

ClearPath64

Late to the party here, but couldn't pass up the opportunity to congratulate you on one year. Your insights have been extremely helpful to me and I wanted to thank you.

Suzieq17

Great post. I kept quitting and everyone kept asking me “What my plan was?” I never understood. And every time I went back to drinking.

This time I quit, I had a plan. Focus on sobriety, don’t worry about gaining weight, regulate my mood with holistic methods, get a therapist. And so far, it is working for me.

Thanks so much for the post. Having a plan is crucial.