Just a message of gratitude for this forum, I almost daily have a read to keep myself in touch with the madness and get inspired from people like wpainter who I heard might have died.
This site was a great source of inspiration and back up when I was feeling all alone with these feelings that I couldn’t describe. The blackness of the drinking , the depression , the hole in the soul I kept feeding with the wrong stuff.
It’s been a rocky ride , I struggle with my mental health, I’ve experimented with phenibut, to combat my social anxiety. It made me better just like alcohol for a short time, but the cole down was horrific and caused a lot of stress in my home.
The doc has been prescribed beta blockers so that’s who I will listen to, I have rejected anti depressants as I don’t want to rely on anything and I have seen a change in people who have taken them, like a character transplant but, I’m not knocking them, I just find they’re not for me at this moment. I will try keeping myself well with doing stuff I’ve been told to and also taking my beta blocker when I think I’m gonna sweat and get over anxious and ruin my day with questioning why it happened.
i think I’m learning to accept the anxiety and learning to live with it and manage it, but it’s not been easy. It’s definitely a reason why I drank and used.
I have recovery meetings nearby and good friends and gf who I can talk to now . My life’s transformed for the better , I haven’t totalled a car or been to jail in many years. My work is going good, I am consistent and I can try raise my kids in a decent way even though that’s a challenge in its own.
What im saying is the struggle is real, whatever you are going through takes courage to do sober and it’s not easy. But together, we can.

Thanks a lot.
You do a lot of good service Dee, and thanks for your honesty and sharing straight from the hip.