Now he wants to buy a BAR!
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 24
Now he wants to buy a BAR!
Are you kidding me? He wants to buy a local bar in our town, go he halves with his friend. He thinks he can control his drinking and make a lot of money at this! He's never once walked into a bar and had 1 drink and left EVER! He's mad because I won't listen to his ideas and can't believe I don't support this!! It's $200,000! He's been to 2 counseling sessions to work on his drinking, both times he left those appointments he went to the bar. He said he drinks because he's mad at me, I never listen to his ideas...blah blah blah...
I just posted last week that I needed to leave... guess here is another reason...
Jen
I just posted last week that I needed to leave... guess here is another reason...
Jen
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
jen, I want to second the advice to see what you can do to protect yourself financially in case he decides to do an end-around and buy the bar in spite of your protests. It would really be unfortunate if you were saddled with a bunch of debt that you'd have to struggle for years to pay off...
My X had many grandiose ideas too, and I can only thank my lucky stars that I insisted we pay off all debts FIRST before incurring any new large expenses. If I'd given in, I'd have been stuck with a number of half-finished projects and a tremendous amount of money owed when we split. As it was, we divorced debt-free, and I am so very grateful for that. At least when I started over, it was with my head above water!
My X had many grandiose ideas too, and I can only thank my lucky stars that I insisted we pay off all debts FIRST before incurring any new large expenses. If I'd given in, I'd have been stuck with a number of half-finished projects and a tremendous amount of money owed when we split. As it was, we divorced debt-free, and I am so very grateful for that. At least when I started over, it was with my head above water!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Oh dear, this is a familiar storyline for me. The XA was a bartender, and he was always rambling on about how I NEEDED to purchase the bar he worked at.... well that would become the Fox in the hen house... in the state I reside, a DUI, and other offenses will prohibit you from obtaining a liquor license. Guessing laws vary state to state.
This situation reminds me of an old country song. “Going to hire a wino to decorate our home.” I can see the humor in the song, until you realize , holy hell that song was written about my life.... then not so funny....
This situation reminds me of an old country song. “Going to hire a wino to decorate our home.” I can see the humor in the song, until you realize , holy hell that song was written about my life.... then not so funny....
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
This must be the alcoholics dream come true (second would be drinking in moderation).
I'm going to guess this venture relies on your approval of some kind of financing (maybe an addition to your mortgage?). I hope so because it's a disaster of an idea, as you already know.
I hope this all works out for you jen.
I'm going to guess this venture relies on your approval of some kind of financing (maybe an addition to your mortgage?). I hope so because it's a disaster of an idea, as you already know.
I hope this all works out for you jen.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 24
I'm pretty sure he couldn't get the loan without me... I might encourage him to divorce, sell the house, and he can take his half and go and purchase his dream of a bar! Then I can start over with my life!
Jen
Jen
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Originally Posted by jen5508 
I'm pretty sure he couldn't get the loan without me... I might encourage him to divorce, sell the house, and he can take his half and go and purchase his dream of a bar! Then I can start over with my life!
Jen
Jen
Tell him you fully support his dream and that you have a wonderful way for him to get the money he needs.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Jen...….just a heads-up.....so that you can prepare yourself......Since he is blaming his drinking on you, now....that will continue into the future....even if you are smart enough to keep your hands completely off the crazy bar idea....he will blame you if it doesn't become the dream that he wants.....
Yes, do seek good professional financial counsel to protect yourself from his financial decisions...…
Due to his own disease and the denial, he will not be able o protect you or the children...so, it will be up to you.....
Yes, It does feel like a nightmare...I know. Go ahead and grieve the loss of the dream.....as you will need to do this, so that you can heal...eventually. That will be the way you can free yourself from this ongoing nightmare.....
You CAN have a new and different life, but, you will have to be the one to cause it to happen...…
Think of the millions of women, before you who have done so!
We all have more courage than we think...and, only realize it when courage is the only option left......
Yes, do seek good professional financial counsel to protect yourself from his financial decisions...…
Due to his own disease and the denial, he will not be able o protect you or the children...so, it will be up to you.....
Yes, It does feel like a nightmare...I know. Go ahead and grieve the loss of the dream.....as you will need to do this, so that you can heal...eventually. That will be the way you can free yourself from this ongoing nightmare.....
You CAN have a new and different life, but, you will have to be the one to cause it to happen...…
Think of the millions of women, before you who have done so!
We all have more courage than we think...and, only realize it when courage is the only option left......
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
my husband has had plenty of crazy ideas in his time. And some not so crazy. I went along with them, neither encouraging nor criticizing, just said yes, go for it. They all fizzled out and we didn't need to get in a fight over it. Just bar talk really, he wasn't able to make any of them actually happen.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
slowly watching Alcohol destroy our 20 years of marriage!
well the alcohol isn't doing it TO you, it's the consumer of the booze!
and just like the disease of alcoholism progresses, so does the destruction it causes. meaning the speed of the destruction is likely to pick up the pace and you'll look back on times like RIGHT NOW and wish you had made better, faster choices to get out of the chaos, while you had the chance.
i would strongly urge you to see a financial advisor and/or a divorce attorney so you know exactly what you are facing, all your options, the potential losses and get a plan in place. NEVER underestimate what the alcoholic partner is capable of...........NEVER.
well the alcohol isn't doing it TO you, it's the consumer of the booze!
and just like the disease of alcoholism progresses, so does the destruction it causes. meaning the speed of the destruction is likely to pick up the pace and you'll look back on times like RIGHT NOW and wish you had made better, faster choices to get out of the chaos, while you had the chance.
i would strongly urge you to see a financial advisor and/or a divorce attorney so you know exactly what you are facing, all your options, the potential losses and get a plan in place. NEVER underestimate what the alcoholic partner is capable of...........NEVER.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Amaranth
my husband has had plenty of crazy ideas in his time. And some not so crazy. I went along with them, neither encouraging nor criticizing, just said yes, go for it. They all fizzled out and we didn't need to get in a fight over it. Just bar talk really, he wasn't able to make any of them actually happen.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 146
My ex had the same idea. He saw himself as the proprieter of a bar such as Cheers (TV show in the 80's.) Absolutely ridiculous idea which, thankfully, never came to fruition. I agree with other posters - protect yourself financially (and every other way!!)
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