The definition of insanity...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 202
The definition of insanity...
...is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Everyday that I drink and use, I say it's going to be my last. I promise myself that this is it, the last day, but the next day it's the same story all over again. I hope that writing this down and someone hopefully reading it will be enough motivation and make this real enough that tomorrow will be different.
I'm an addict, I know these words to be true, yet somehow I convince myself daily that I've got it all under control, and that I'm just blowing off steam.
I've only had a few days of sobriety since sometime in 2016. Before that day, I had just over 3 years clean and sober. I had become complacent in my recovery though. I quit going to meetings, quit posting in forums, and quit calling my sober friends to hang out. I had a couple of bad days at work in a row, then a fight with my wife, and that was all the excuse I needed to get back out there. Drinking tall boys in my car at 8 am. Of course initially nothing too bad happened, but as anyone knows, a relapse is like a snowball rolling down a hill, it gathers speed and gets bigger and bigger.
I am going to get sober again though. I haven't drank or used in 20 hours. I'm going to start posting here again, and I'm going to a meeting tonight. Today is day one! Thanks for taking the time to read this. Blessings.
- BT
I'm an addict, I know these words to be true, yet somehow I convince myself daily that I've got it all under control, and that I'm just blowing off steam.
I've only had a few days of sobriety since sometime in 2016. Before that day, I had just over 3 years clean and sober. I had become complacent in my recovery though. I quit going to meetings, quit posting in forums, and quit calling my sober friends to hang out. I had a couple of bad days at work in a row, then a fight with my wife, and that was all the excuse I needed to get back out there. Drinking tall boys in my car at 8 am. Of course initially nothing too bad happened, but as anyone knows, a relapse is like a snowball rolling down a hill, it gathers speed and gets bigger and bigger.
I am going to get sober again though. I haven't drank or used in 20 hours. I'm going to start posting here again, and I'm going to a meeting tonight. Today is day one! Thanks for taking the time to read this. Blessings.
- BT
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome back.
I can understand your situation. When I look back on it, I never needed a reason to drink.
Anything. Rain, drink. Sunny, drink. Tuesday, drink. Ad Infinium.
My morning drink, at eight am, was shooters of whiskey on the two block walk back from the liquor store. Real social drinking. Then beer all day and night until I passed out.
Congratulations on day one and going to a meeting tonight. That's a great start.
You had three years, so you know you can do it. I believe you can do it.
I am, and I was a very bad drunk. I now have ten years sober. One day at a time.
Best to you, my friend. And stick around here, you'll find a lot of support.
I can understand your situation. When I look back on it, I never needed a reason to drink.
Anything. Rain, drink. Sunny, drink. Tuesday, drink. Ad Infinium.
My morning drink, at eight am, was shooters of whiskey on the two block walk back from the liquor store. Real social drinking. Then beer all day and night until I passed out.
Congratulations on day one and going to a meeting tonight. That's a great start.
You had three years, so you know you can do it. I believe you can do it.
I am, and I was a very bad drunk. I now have ten years sober. One day at a time.
Best to you, my friend. And stick around here, you'll find a lot of support.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 211
Thanks for sharing this BigTeddy. I can relate to much of what you wrote.
Someone posted before saying how the addiction is waiting in the dark doing push-ups, as we live our sober lives. So effing true! One of my friends at work had 13+ years sober & slipped, but he got back on track recently. Complacency got me many years ago as well, when I had some time behind me.
Starting over again sucks, I know (I'm at just 24 days) but I've learned a lot from my past & from all the folks on here. SR helps tons.
Best of luck to you!
-Z
Someone posted before saying how the addiction is waiting in the dark doing push-ups, as we live our sober lives. So effing true! One of my friends at work had 13+ years sober & slipped, but he got back on track recently. Complacency got me many years ago as well, when I had some time behind me.
Starting over again sucks, I know (I'm at just 24 days) but I've learned a lot from my past & from all the folks on here. SR helps tons.
Best of luck to you!
-Z
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 964
It's very helpful to read your post. I have repeated "insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results" so many times...while being caught in alcoholic daily drinking and trying to stop. Alcoholism I believe is sometimes categorized as a mental health issue as well. For me, it was a cycle of unconscious irrational and destructive behavior while my AV kept telling me it was completely "normal" to drink a bottle of wine every night.
Congratulations on day 1! Will you be joining a class?
Congratulations on day 1! Will you be joining a class?
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Big t,
Definitely insanity.
Knowing what booze does to me yet still feeling like i could fall into the same ways.
I think, for what...a buzz...a few minutes of euphoria...that will be tainted because of all I have learned.
My big boy pants are fully up, double belted, with suspenders. Hanging tough until I die of something other than booze addiction.
I have suffered worse than today's cravings.
Thanks.
Definitely insanity.
Knowing what booze does to me yet still feeling like i could fall into the same ways.
I think, for what...a buzz...a few minutes of euphoria...that will be tainted because of all I have learned.
My big boy pants are fully up, double belted, with suspenders. Hanging tough until I die of something other than booze addiction.
I have suffered worse than today's cravings.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 202
Day 2 is almost in the books. I'm home after a very long day at work, where, of course, lots of things went wrong and I was pretty stressed most of the day. I was able to deal with it without getting high or having beer for lunch, which seems like a small thing but I'm pretty proud of it. I miss the feeling of pride that comes from dealing with a problem instead of running away from it and getting high or drunk as soon as possible.
I'm just looking forward to getting some rest tonight, hopefully. I didn't sleep very well last night, and when I did finally fall asleep, I had bad dreams that woke me up a few times. That confused feeling of waking in a cold sweat is not very much fun. The anxiety lingers even after I realize that I'm in my own bed and everything is ok. Anyways, I feel as though I'm rambling now, so I hope everyone has had a good day/night. I'll check back in tomorrow for day 3. Blessings.
- BT
I'm just looking forward to getting some rest tonight, hopefully. I didn't sleep very well last night, and when I did finally fall asleep, I had bad dreams that woke me up a few times. That confused feeling of waking in a cold sweat is not very much fun. The anxiety lingers even after I realize that I'm in my own bed and everything is ok. Anyways, I feel as though I'm rambling now, so I hope everyone has had a good day/night. I'll check back in tomorrow for day 3. Blessings.
- BT
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