Soul searching 😱😱😱
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Soul searching 😱😱😱
Today has been a thinking day, I don't like thinking, but I have to do it.........
My mind is jumping all over the place, from one thing to another, jumbled up thoughts. Rational an irrational 😨
Trying to figure out triggers, but sometimes there is no trigger. It just hits out of the blue.
I feel deflated, exhausted, emotional, detached.
Last night I gave in to drinking 😭. An for me to admit that is a huge thing. I feel as if I've let everyone down, and I don't deserve any kind words.
But I have to be honest if I'm to get anywhere.
I go for so long then boom................
I need to get to the bottom of it, the root causes.
The beginning of last night post I was sober, by the end of it I was smashed.
I'm deeply ashamed, and I have the usual creeping feelings
But to get it off my chest is a relief that's for sure.
I've just got give my head a wobble,
Get back on that bus, an put everything I have into getting better
So day 1 again 😨
Sorry for going on again. much love to everyone 🙏💖
My mind is jumping all over the place, from one thing to another, jumbled up thoughts. Rational an irrational 😨
Trying to figure out triggers, but sometimes there is no trigger. It just hits out of the blue.
I feel deflated, exhausted, emotional, detached.
Last night I gave in to drinking 😭. An for me to admit that is a huge thing. I feel as if I've let everyone down, and I don't deserve any kind words.
But I have to be honest if I'm to get anywhere.
I go for so long then boom................
I need to get to the bottom of it, the root causes.
The beginning of last night post I was sober, by the end of it I was smashed.
I'm deeply ashamed, and I have the usual creeping feelings
But to get it off my chest is a relief that's for sure.
I've just got give my head a wobble,
Get back on that bus, an put everything I have into getting better
So day 1 again 😨
Sorry for going on again. much love to everyone 🙏💖
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
It's common to go through those feelings after drinking of not coming back here and letting everyone know. But you did and that's most important.
Don't make excuses for it but take responsibility for it. Posting means you really want to succeed. Keep that in mind.
Don't make excuses for it but take responsibility for it. Posting means you really want to succeed. Keep that in mind.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Doris47 
I need to get to the bottom of it, the root causes.
The beginning of last night post I was sober, by the end of it I was smashed.
The beginning of last night post I was sober, by the end of it I was smashed.
Perhaps counseling or psychiatric help?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
You didn't let anyone down. And of course you deserve kindness.
If music triggers you, don't listen to triggering music for a while. Music isn't your life....find music that soothes and hold off on the stuff that makes you overly emotive.
Pandora's box can also wait. The past is just that. Its over. Reacting to it as if it's happening in the present doesn't change anything. The past can't hurt you. Feelings can't hurt you.
I drink because I'm an alcoholic. Learning to cope with life without it takes time. Baby steps.
If music triggers you, don't listen to triggering music for a while. Music isn't your life....find music that soothes and hold off on the stuff that makes you overly emotive.
Pandora's box can also wait. The past is just that. Its over. Reacting to it as if it's happening in the present doesn't change anything. The past can't hurt you. Feelings can't hurt you.
I drink because I'm an alcoholic. Learning to cope with life without it takes time. Baby steps.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
Hi Doris. Really glad you're here.
I agree with the others and think that in spite of your (very normal) feelings, you are here because you want to get better and that's all anyone could ask for at this point.
PS: I was recently in your shoes and here I am 30 days since my last drink, feeling as good as ever. Things have a way of changing. You've proven that to yourself already
I agree with the others and think that in spite of your (very normal) feelings, you are here because you want to get better and that's all anyone could ask for at this point.
PS: I was recently in your shoes and here I am 30 days since my last drink, feeling as good as ever. Things have a way of changing. You've proven that to yourself already
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Originally Posted by WaterOx
Hi Doris. Really glad you're here.
I agree with the others and think that in spite of your (very normal) feelings, you are here because you want to get better and that's all anyone could ask for at this point.
PS: I was recently in your shoes and here I am 30 days since my last drink, feeling as good as ever. Things have a way of changing. You've proven that to yourself already
I agree with the others and think that in spite of your (very normal) feelings, you are here because you want to get better and that's all anyone could ask for at this point.
PS: I was recently in your shoes and here I am 30 days since my last drink, feeling as good as ever. Things have a way of changing. You've proven that to yourself already
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Doris, I'm glad you're back.
My suggestion is to come up with a specific plan to use when you feel that way again. It might be to come here to SR, to go out for a walk, call a friend, whatever you think will work. You're right, thinking and dealing with underlying issues is an important part of recovery. And, it's not easy. It's usually painful, but necessary. Journaling might help you or maybe you'd consider therapy.
My suggestion is to come up with a specific plan to use when you feel that way again. It might be to come here to SR, to go out for a walk, call a friend, whatever you think will work. You're right, thinking and dealing with underlying issues is an important part of recovery. And, it's not easy. It's usually painful, but necessary. Journaling might help you or maybe you'd consider therapy.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Pat on the back for Owning up.
Does no good being dishonest with yourself.
Maybe try a different approach this time.
Are there any facilities near you that can help you with a program.
I could have had free acupuncture, yoga, mindfulness classes etc all curtesy of NHS.
Just putting things like that in place sometimes gets your head in the right place.
All about the ACTION
No shame in doing what you did.
Trying to give up the booze, where’s the shame in that!?
Does no good being dishonest with yourself.
Maybe try a different approach this time.
Are there any facilities near you that can help you with a program.
I could have had free acupuncture, yoga, mindfulness classes etc all curtesy of NHS.
Just putting things like that in place sometimes gets your head in the right place.
All about the ACTION
No shame in doing what you did.
Trying to give up the booze, where’s the shame in that!?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Originally Posted by Snowydelrico
Pat on the back for Owning up.
Does no good being dishonest with yourself.
Maybe try a different approach this time.
Are there any facilities near you that can help you with a program.
I could have had free acupuncture, yoga, mindfulness classes etc all curtesy of NHS.
Just putting things like that in place sometimes gets your head in the right place.
All about the ACTION
No shame in doing what you did.
Trying to give up the booze, where’s the shame in that!?
Does no good being dishonest with yourself.
Maybe try a different approach this time.
Are there any facilities near you that can help you with a program.
I could have had free acupuncture, yoga, mindfulness classes etc all curtesy of NHS.
Just putting things like that in place sometimes gets your head in the right place.
All about the ACTION
No shame in doing what you did.
Trying to give up the booze, where’s the shame in that!?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
"Trying to figure out triggers, but sometimes there is no trigger. It just hits out of the blue. "
All addiction is caused by one underlying emotion: intolerable, helplessness. When one feels helpless, they feel trapped, powerless and out of control.
Reasons for abusive drinking are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness (about whatever in my life makes me feel overwhelmingly trapped).
Addictive behavior is never random. People behave the way they do for a reason. You can't get addicted to a substance or behavior that you have not learned does something for you. In my experience, addictions always serve an emotional purpose and that purpose is to regain control over intolerable helpless feelings to circumstances in life that are very important to me.
I find that when I take direct healthy action, the addictive urge almost always vanishes! This sounds like magic but it makes sense because having acted more directly, I no longer need a substitute behavior of drugs. This direct healthy action could be simply facing your helpless circumstances, talking to a person or channeling your actions into a less destructive manner. Humans always attempt to regain control when they feel helpless and trapped! Exercise, reading a book or doing something fun, (besides drugs), can change the mood and regain control. Something that is of, "High value," to you!
You can do it too when new values and thinking trump your drinking.
All addiction is caused by one underlying emotion: intolerable, helplessness. When one feels helpless, they feel trapped, powerless and out of control.
Reasons for abusive drinking are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness (about whatever in my life makes me feel overwhelmingly trapped).
Addictive behavior is never random. People behave the way they do for a reason. You can't get addicted to a substance or behavior that you have not learned does something for you. In my experience, addictions always serve an emotional purpose and that purpose is to regain control over intolerable helpless feelings to circumstances in life that are very important to me.
I find that when I take direct healthy action, the addictive urge almost always vanishes! This sounds like magic but it makes sense because having acted more directly, I no longer need a substitute behavior of drugs. This direct healthy action could be simply facing your helpless circumstances, talking to a person or channeling your actions into a less destructive manner. Humans always attempt to regain control when they feel helpless and trapped! Exercise, reading a book or doing something fun, (besides drugs), can change the mood and regain control. Something that is of, "High value," to you!
You can do it too when new values and thinking trump your drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Doris, i used to think that i absolutely needed to know the root causes of my drinking in order to stop.
that turned out not to be so, but did "allow" me to keep drinking.
knowing/understanding /accepting the root causes helped me with changing my way of living to one that makes drinking again a non-issue, but it was not necessary in order to stop.
in fact, the clarity i needed to understand better couldn't come until quite a while after i stopped.
the important thing at the beginning was to put my energy into the actions that would keep me sober.
that turned out not to be so, but did "allow" me to keep drinking.
knowing/understanding /accepting the root causes helped me with changing my way of living to one that makes drinking again a non-issue, but it was not necessary in order to stop.
in fact, the clarity i needed to understand better couldn't come until quite a while after i stopped.
the important thing at the beginning was to put my energy into the actions that would keep me sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Lots of good advice here Doris - especially the part about not putting the cart before the horse.
Turns out I didn't need to know why I drank in order to stop - I just needed to stop - and ask for help when I found myself in trouble.
Once you're securely sober you'll get a lot further with the 'why' than you will if you keep drinking.
If you find yourself drinking and posting again... ask for help - it really does work
D
Turns out I didn't need to know why I drank in order to stop - I just needed to stop - and ask for help when I found myself in trouble.
Once you're securely sober you'll get a lot further with the 'why' than you will if you keep drinking.
If you find yourself drinking and posting again... ask for help - it really does work
D
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