Anustart

So I'm almost two-and-a-half years sober, but I recently started researching alcoholism again and found that in the months before I quit I matched all the symptoms of an end-stage alcoholic perfctly - I was even perilously close to alcoholic hepatitis - but once I stopped cold turkey, I didn't go through any physical withdrawals. Mental is a whole different story entirely, but nothing physical except for increased anxiety, and since my marriage was falling apart at the time, that's only to be expected. And ever since I realized that, my mind has been whispering that maybe I wasn't as bad as I thought, even though I know I was probably even worse than I allow myself to admit to this day, but the thoughts keep swirling all the same. Enough to bring me here after a long absence.

I'm not in danger of relapse or anything and I'm sorry if this is an odd post, but has anyone else had the same experience with quitting at end-level or know why I might have been spared the physical when so many aren't? Believe me, I'm nothing special. Thanks, everyone.

Snowydelrico

I think that’s the nature of addiction.
You will always be an addict and the thoughts of I will be ok to drink now will always be there in some form or another.
But as long as we alcoholics know that then that’s most of the battle won.
Did you ever try quitting before?
Maybe kindling hadn’t taken effect.
Well done on 2 and half years sober

Anustart

I had to look up kindling because I didn't know the term. Sadly in ten years I think my longest attempt to quit was two weeks before the BIG quit, so maybe it didn't.

The AV does still sneak up on me sometimes, but I know I can never drink again. Just the way it is.

Thanks!

AAPJ

Anustart; Thanks for the post. I personally would appreciate it if you would be kind enough to check in occasionally even if you do not come back as a SR forum regular. For me hearing from folks who have stepped away from the SR forums but are still sober is very encouraging.

Dee74

Hi and welcome back

I dunno - maybe you were an end stage alcoholic and you were just lucky - maybe you were an end stage alcoholic and you felt pretty rotten to begin with so you didn't notice the difference, or maybe you weren't an end stage alcoholic at all despite what the web MD sites say.

The important thing is not to doubt your condition. Abstinence is not the same thing as control.

I took my last drink in 2007 but if I took another drink tonight I fully believe and expect I'd be back in the addictive alcoholic madness again some time soon.

D

August252015

I copied Dee's entire post because it is spot on.

Nu - (sorry, I can't write your whole name bc I just see anus) I would describe myself as much like you, with the end stage, brink of cirrhosis end I reached. I will have 3yr sober on 2/21 and provided I keep working the AA-based and comprehensive "add on" things I do, will be 42 1/2 with only the probs of a now healthy woman of that age. I was given a yr, 18 mo if (my very similar to yours, possibly greater vodka habit) I didnt quit. I finally HEARD the msg and realized I didn't want to die at 40 and change.

What least always says comes to mind - gratitude. I can't tell you why I got truly blessed w my physical recovery but I do know that there's a reason or two why I'm still here. One is that I was going to be blessed with a wonderful, in recovery husband...another is that I get to choose to serve others by running a restaurant industry recovery group....and others are - - - ...

Mental health and what I call emotional sobriety are my keys to a healthy life, and what I believe precede any potential for relapse.

I also know that for me, to drink is indeed to die.

I do know of people who were fortunate like us who faced significant physical probs a few or so years into sobriety, including needing liver transplants. Not trying to scare you - I'd see my dr asap, though.

Glad you are here.

matrac

Not sure what you’re referring to in terms of end stage alcoholism, but I’m a nurse and I have seen people with long term alcoholism die from the complications of alcoholism such as cirrhosis and as a gauge of the seriousness we look at liver function tests, ammonia levels, kidney function, as cites, and blood clotting parameters to name a few. I have seen those who suffer from Wernicke’s encephalopathy and I have seen some die from fulminating pancreatitis and sepsis. Another, often forgotten symptom....traumatic injury around circumstances when alcohol i used! This is what I always thought of as end stage. Important to note though that alcohol cessation at any stage and even with organ failure can be life saving and well worth it.

Delilah1

I am another who was spared the severe physical effects of drinking, and for that I am just extremely grateful. At three years sober I would never want to be back to a place where alcohol invaded my thoughts continually throughout the fly where my evenings were spent popping a bottle of wine, and then negotiating whether or not it would be okay to have another.

I have no desire to ever drink again, but I also know that one drink could lead me right down the same spiral as before.

Sobriety is pretty darn amazing, why would I ever want to mess with that.

August252015

Matrac -
Here's one of plenty of articles you can find if you google end stage alcoholism-
https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/a...coholism/#gref

wehav2day

Nu, good move coming on here. I still come and at least read every day. I don’t dwell on the medical classification of where on the scale I was, personally I don’t see the point. Like you, it would probably be a little Avenue my Allie brain would use to create a little wiggle room to start thinking “I wasn’t so baddd...”

Yeah right. I wasn’t so bad... YET.
I hadn’t gotten a DUI or hit anybody with my car
I hadn’t lost my job
I hadn’t lost my partner
I hadn’t suffered health consequences

YET

I’m thoroughly convinced I was on the very edge of all of those things. Dumb luck, divine intervention, maybe I just quit in the nick of time.

I don’t want to chance it again. I’ve got a pretty good gig these days. A wife I love, a job I love, freedom. I look forward to my physical every year, cuz my doc says I have “a beautiful liver.” If looking forward to my doctor telling me I have a beautiful doesn’t convince me I’m an alkie who needs to stay clean... I’ll take the good results over bad consequences any day!

Keep it up man, you ve got this!

SoberCAH

Nu -

If you aren't "as bad as [you] thought", what is?

What are you thinking?

Do you think you need to go just a little bit further to make sure you truly use up as much of your liver as is humanly possible before you get sober?

What's the upside of that approach?

Because the downside is dying.

Or getting sober enough to qualify for a liver transplant, get the transplant and then take anti-rejection meds (which are by no means benign) for the rest of your life.

You are a very blessed person to be alcohol-free, as I am I might add.

And I had pretty much "red-lined" my liver also.

But I actually thought that I really should have had another beer before I drove out to the treatment center.

That thought plagued my mind while I was in treatment until someone, I forget who, mercifully disabused me of that ridiculous notion.

It sure sounds to me like you have drunk more than enough.

I'm not interested in dying and that's what drinking represents to me.

Hang around with us and please don't go back "out there" and try to drink any more.

MindfulMan

Drinking yourself to death is not a good way to go.

I watched two friends do it, and it easily could have been me. One mercifully had a heart attack, the other slowly destroyed his liver and went into multiple organ failure and died at 39.

listae

"I'm not interested in dying and that's what drinking represents to me."

Thanks SoberCah: I needed to be reminded of the simplicity of the decision to not pick up!