Sitting here wondering what to do next

Old 01-28-2019, 05:47 PM
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Sitting here wondering what to do next

Clearly, I’m desperate. I’ve read all of the threads but never posted. So since I’m sitting here in a hotel room waiting for my brother to sober up somewhat, I thought I’d write. The back story is that my youngest brother has a severe addiction to alcohol. Detoxed a couple of times, rehab three times, left sober living, the whole 9 yards. He’s been sober now for a couple of months but relapsed a few times. This weekend, he left my mother’s house (where he was staying), got a hotel room nearby, and drank to a near coma. After receiving a text from him tonight, with his location and “help me”, I came to see how bad it was. He’s so drunk he can’t pass out, it seems. Very restless. My question is, do I leave him here and go home? What if something happens medically and he gets no help until they come to find out why he didn’t check out tomorrow morning? I’m so tired of this game. I don’t want to play it any more. He’s got a good job, a place to stay, and a family who loves him. Past events such as this resulted in my taking him to the ER and they sent him to mandatory detox the next day. He voluntarily went into rehab each time after that. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do at this point.
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Old 01-28-2019, 06:22 PM
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I'd first call his sponsor(if he has one) or anyone from AA and if that didn't work, I'd call the authorites. At least you'd know he's safe for the night. Yea..he may be pissed at first,but that's his own fault for putting himself and YOU in this position. Especially with the constant back/fourth,he has to truly know where he's at in his addiction and if he says he doesn't..he's lying. He called you for help,so let him be pissed off at you for calling in help for yourself with him.
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Old 01-28-2019, 07:43 PM
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Welcome to sober-recovery Carlynn. I hope we can provide some support and help.

I'd probably do what Dontremember suggests. He needs professionals.

Also start looking into some alanon groups and materials. The best thing you can do for him is take care of you.

Big big hug. This is beyond difficult.
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Old 01-28-2019, 08:11 PM
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Sorry you are in this predicament, it surely can't be easy.

I agree with DontRemember and Bekind, he needs professional help for sure and I would take him to the ER. If you absolutely feel you can't do that tonight, I wouldn't leave him there on his own and would try to get him to the ER as soon as you are able.

No, this is not your responsibility but at this stage he does need that help and leaving him there could be dangerous.

How you deal with this going forward is a different matter. Please keep us updated with how you get on.
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Old 01-29-2019, 06:42 AM
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Thanks for the advice, all. He has no sponsor. Has resisted getting one so far. I left the room about 11. My mother, who has a medical background, stayed with him for the night. They are supposedly headed to a doctor for his anti-anxiety meds this morning. I do attend al-alon, just not very regularly. I will be going tonight. I just feel like I’m always skirting the line between enabling and intervening if it’s a possible medical emergency. My other brother and I always wonder what we’ll do—if we know where he is and asks for help, should we let him possibly pass out and die on the floor or should we intervene? How far is too far when you let them experience the consequences of their behavior? I suppose it’s going to be an ongoing process and we’ll figure it out as we go.
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Old 01-29-2019, 07:55 AM
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While I appreciate that your mother has a medical background, if your brother is regularly putting himself in life-and-death situations, then professionals should be dealing with it. If you know where he is and he asks for help, call him an ambulance. If he is in serious trouble, he will get precisely the help he needs without emotions clouding anyone's decisions. If he isn't in serious trouble, and his cries are more of a plea for attention from you, then he will soon learn the consequences of crying wolf.
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Old 01-29-2019, 08:47 AM
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if someone you know is having a medical emergency of any sort, call 911. that's their job.

and also try to understand that your brother is living his live as he sees fit, however awfully he is doing it. you cannot possibly intervene 100% of the time. that stops you from living your own life. instead yours gets put on hold waiting for HIS next event.

for all your "help" and interventions to date, has it made one whit of difference....to him?

lastly, drinking while on anti anxiety meds is a recipe for disaster. the booze cancels out any positive effects from the meds, and the meds interact with the booze in a deadly combo.
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Old 01-29-2019, 09:11 AM
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Well, I'm glad that particular "crisis" is over.

Next time, as mentioned above, it would be a very good idea to leave it to the professionals.

After receiving a text from him tonight, with his location and “help me”
Should you receive another text from him with a call for help, that's when to call 911 and give them his location.

You can't help him, your Mother can't help him, he needs the kind of help that only other professionals can give. Now whether he chooses to pursue that help afterward, well that's 100 percent up to him.

You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
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Old 01-31-2019, 03:59 PM
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Plenty of great!!! advice here but I wanted to add that police do not have a constitutional duty to protect a person from harm. Other priorities take precedence, unfortunately.

Please have someone stay with him after calling 911 to ensure he is taken to a hospital/medical facility for care.
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Old 01-31-2019, 09:57 PM
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Originally Posted by starstarstar View Post
Plenty of great!!! advice here but I wanted to add that police do not have a constitutional duty to protect a person from harm. Other priorities take precedence, unfortunately.

Please have someone stay with him after calling 911 to ensure he is taken to a hospital/medical facility for care.
Yes, 911 is used to call an ambulance (police, ambulance, fire, basically any emergency situation).
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