The Curse
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
tony you're doing really well. I get it though-it feels like boredom, that numbness, restlessness, what shall I do feeling? For me it's just breaking old habits and making new ones. in time it does become normal and no longer feels like boredom.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Hi tony, what first feels like boredom becomes peace and productivity. You finally get to accomplish all those dreams your addictions held you back from. You can live a productive healthy life that in six months, a year people think wow Tony you really have it all. Best of luck and thank you for your support.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Turn to gratitude. 
Being grateful can change your life and make you happier.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Being grateful can change your life and make you happier. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 424
I totally relate. Very newly sober here—so bored, can’t moderate, etc. I’m on my fourth serious quit. I can never make it past 90 days.
My philosophy of late is that if I can give 25 years of my life to drinking and only being an absolute mess at the end of those 25 years, I should at least give the next 25 years to sobriety and see if I come out any better.
Keep not drinking and thank you for the post.
My philosophy of late is that if I can give 25 years of my life to drinking and only being an absolute mess at the end of those 25 years, I should at least give the next 25 years to sobriety and see if I come out any better.
Keep not drinking and thank you for the post.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Sobriety is only boring if you allow it to be so.
There are tons of things to do that are fun and interesting and don't involve alcohol. Give it some time and hopefully you will be able to come up with some fun things to do.
There are tons of things to do that are fun and interesting and don't involve alcohol. Give it some time and hopefully you will be able to come up with some fun things to do.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Given the way you chose to construct your syllogism, you're right.
But there are billions of people on the planet that for whatever reason don't self intoxicate and it is worse than sad to imagine that ,that means life is so bleak for for so many.
Perhaps you need to check your premises and redefine some terms. I'd suggest starting with the concept 'sobriety' and whatever connotations you associate with it.
I find life at times boring, but that is on me really since I have the freedom to actively pursue other avenues and sometimes don't apply the effort.
Sobriety , for me, just means not self intoxicating and is a part of 'life' but by no means the entire kit and caboodle.
You may find or reason yourself to seeing that you current feeling is a result of less than optimal framing. Even then , it may not stop the feeling , but a different frame could in time soothe that out, no ?
But there are billions of people on the planet that for whatever reason don't self intoxicate and it is worse than sad to imagine that ,that means life is so bleak for for so many.
Perhaps you need to check your premises and redefine some terms. I'd suggest starting with the concept 'sobriety' and whatever connotations you associate with it.
I find life at times boring, but that is on me really since I have the freedom to actively pursue other avenues and sometimes don't apply the effort.
Sobriety , for me, just means not self intoxicating and is a part of 'life' but by no means the entire kit and caboodle.
You may find or reason yourself to seeing that you current feeling is a result of less than optimal framing. Even then , it may not stop the feeling , but a different frame could in time soothe that out, no ?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Drinking myself to sleep night after night was boring. At one time, I thought I was killing the boredom with alcohol. After I got sober, the boredom lessened to a point where I was seldom bored. And the good thing about being sober is that I do have the wherewith-all to get up and do something that I had been putting off. Even if those things are not as exciting as a roller coaster, at least I'm not bored, and when I finish the task, it's always pleasing. One more thing is off the to do list.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by dwtbd 
Given the way you chose to construct your syllogism, you're right.
But there are billions of people on the planet that for whatever reason don't self intoxicate and it is worse than sad to imagine that ,that means life is so bleak for for so many.
Perhaps you need to check your premises and redefine some terms. I'd suggest starting with the concept 'sobriety' and whatever connotations you associate with it.
I find life at times boring, but that is on me really since I have the freedom to actively pursue other avenues and sometimes don't apply the effort.
Sobriety , for me, just means not self intoxicating and is a part of 'life' but by no means the entire kit and caboodle.
You may find or reason yourself to seeing that you current feeling is a result of less than optimal framing. Even then , it may not stop the feeling , but a different frame could in time soothe that out, no ?
But there are billions of people on the planet that for whatever reason don't self intoxicate and it is worse than sad to imagine that ,that means life is so bleak for for so many.
Perhaps you need to check your premises and redefine some terms. I'd suggest starting with the concept 'sobriety' and whatever connotations you associate with it.
I find life at times boring, but that is on me really since I have the freedom to actively pursue other avenues and sometimes don't apply the effort.
Sobriety , for me, just means not self intoxicating and is a part of 'life' but by no means the entire kit and caboodle.
You may find or reason yourself to seeing that you current feeling is a result of less than optimal framing. Even then , it may not stop the feeling , but a different frame could in time soothe that out, no ?
People say “be grateful”. Fine. I get that. We can all be grateful to one extent or another. But I have a lot to be regretful and bitter about too. Terrible things. Things I had zero control over. So being grateful has to be put into the context of ones whole life and not just some illusionary cherry pick of the good bits.
Some say “being bored is a state of context/mind/scenario” etc. That can feel like a pithy piece of non-advice too. “No s**t Sherlock. If it was as easy a booking a bungee jump to make me happy I would be hurtling off a cliff with an elastic rope round my ankle already”
And lastly I wasn’t talking for the whole world that doesn’t drink. Just for me. But I didn’t make that clear so I’ll accept those comments as “guilty as charged”
I’m working as hard as I can at sobriety. I’m reading, posting, keeping fit, being mindful, working hard, socialising.... as much as I can muster.
But I’m struggling and I feel that no matter what I do at the moment won’t make me even close to being happy.
No choice but to soldier on.
JT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
exactly how much effort are you putting in to your sobriety and your life?
if you're bored, ain't no one else's fault.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Tony just reading your most recent post. Do you think you are depressed? Will seeing your GP help at all do you think? I take a mild anti depressant which helps hugely My GP upped my dosage today, hopefully just temporarily. Might it be worth seeing your GP. Following your posts you do everything 'right' You eat well, exercise loads, meditate etc. so just wondering if you might be depressed.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Originally Posted by JustTony
My post is a snapshot of my frame of mind right now. As is your reply. I am pretty sure the construct of your emotional state and view of the world would have been expressed differently when you started out on your recovery journey.
People say “be grateful”. Fine. I get that. We can all be grateful to one extent or another. But I have a lot to be regretful and bitter about too. Terrible things. Things I had zero control over. So being grateful has to be put into the context of ones whole life and not just some illusionary cherry pick of the good bits.
Some say “being bored is a state of context/mind/scenario” etc. That can feel like a pithy piece of non-advice too. “No s**t Sherlock. If it was as easy a booking a bungee jump to make me happy I would already be hurtling off a cliff with an elastic rope round my ankle already”
And lastly I wasn’t talking for the whole world that doesn’t drink. Just for me. But I didn’t make that clear so I’ll accept those comments as “guilty as charged”
I’m working as hard as I can at sobriety. I’m reading, posting, keeping fit, being mindful, working hard, socialising.... as much as I can muster.
But I’m struggling and I feel that no matter what I do at the moment won’t make me even close to being happy.
No choice but to soldier on.
JT
People say “be grateful”. Fine. I get that. We can all be grateful to one extent or another. But I have a lot to be regretful and bitter about too. Terrible things. Things I had zero control over. So being grateful has to be put into the context of ones whole life and not just some illusionary cherry pick of the good bits.
Some say “being bored is a state of context/mind/scenario” etc. That can feel like a pithy piece of non-advice too. “No s**t Sherlock. If it was as easy a booking a bungee jump to make me happy I would already be hurtling off a cliff with an elastic rope round my ankle already”
And lastly I wasn’t talking for the whole world that doesn’t drink. Just for me. But I didn’t make that clear so I’ll accept those comments as “guilty as charged”
I’m working as hard as I can at sobriety. I’m reading, posting, keeping fit, being mindful, working hard, socialising.... as much as I can muster.
But I’m struggling and I feel that no matter what I do at the moment won’t make me even close to being happy.
No choice but to soldier on.
JT
I totally get what you're saying, and I understand how hard it is to live with and feel the emotional responses to your 'situation', I remeber feeling similar.
But at some point , given you have decided to remain abstinent, organically the idea of 'not drinking' will recede , the fact will become an almost trivial aspect of life.
Learning about AVRT( great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular recovery forum) really helped me to see how to live comfortably with latent desire. Without that perspective I can see how I would probably have kept myself firmly rooted on the precipice and in a daily struggle between two opposing modes of existence drinker or nondrinker. Making a Big Plan cemented my footing and gave me solid frame to see my way to a faster place of calm, being 'fanatically' resolute is amazingly freeing and has its own emotional rewards.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
Tony just reading your most recent post. Do you think you are depressed? Will seeing your GP help at all do you think? I take a mild anti depressant which helps hugely My GP upped my dosage today, hopefully just temporarily. Might it be worth seeing your GP. Following your posts you do everything 'right' You eat well, exercise loads, meditate etc. so just wondering if you might be depressed.
I've never taken medication for my emotional states - I've never wanted to. I don;t feel one way or another about people that do. I just have never wanted that for me. Well.... I say I have never taken medication. I don't suppose I am counting the 20 to 25 bottles of wine I used to drink a week?
I've never received counselling either. Not even when the very worst things happened to me and those I loved. Again... maybe that's the way I'm wired. Maybe I like my own pity party?
I dunno?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
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Originally Posted by dwtbd
Learning about AVRT( great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular recovery forum) really helped me to see how to live comfortably with latent desire. Without that perspective I can see how I would probably have kept myself firmly rooted on the precipice and in a daily struggle between two opposing modes of existence drinker or nondrinker. Making a Big Plan cemented my footing and gave me solid frame to see my way to a faster place of calm, being 'fanatically' resolute is amazingly freeing and has its own emotional rewards.
Thanks.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by JustTony
I don't know RAL.
I've never taken medication for my emotional states - I've never wanted to. I don;t feel one way or another about people that do. I just have never wanted that for me. Well.... I say I have never taken medication. I don't suppose I am counting the 20 to 25 bottles of wine I used to drink a week?
I've never received counselling either. Not even when the very worst things happened to me and those I loved. Again... maybe that's the way I'm wired. Maybe I like my own pity party?
I dunno?
I've never taken medication for my emotional states - I've never wanted to. I don;t feel one way or another about people that do. I just have never wanted that for me. Well.... I say I have never taken medication. I don't suppose I am counting the 20 to 25 bottles of wine I used to drink a week?
I've never received counselling either. Not even when the very worst things happened to me and those I loved. Again... maybe that's the way I'm wired. Maybe I like my own pity party?
I dunno?
Maybe see your GP anyway - it helps to talk and can't do any harm? I feel so much better for seeing mine this morning yet I can't quite put my finger on why.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
first...you used "pithy" and i love that!
second...in my mind it wasn't about blaming others, it was about owning one's own state of being. i believe BORED is a mindset. some of that is directly due to the withdrawal of alcohol from the system....while yes it's a depressant, it also acts as a "stimulant" or panacea for just about everything.
so anhedonia is common in early recovery. where everything is kind of EH. it's not permanent. it's just part of the process. and it's not going to be like that bungee jump.
there's also a darn good reason why it says in the Big Book of AA "trudging the road to happy destiny". life takes work, living a good life takes work. the more we put in, the more we get out.
second...in my mind it wasn't about blaming others, it was about owning one's own state of being. i believe BORED is a mindset. some of that is directly due to the withdrawal of alcohol from the system....while yes it's a depressant, it also acts as a "stimulant" or panacea for just about everything.
so anhedonia is common in early recovery. where everything is kind of EH. it's not permanent. it's just part of the process. and it's not going to be like that bungee jump.
there's also a darn good reason why it says in the Big Book of AA "trudging the road to happy destiny". life takes work, living a good life takes work. the more we put in, the more we get out.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by WeThinkNot
Hi Tony,
Are you familiar with PAWS? If you're still early in your recovery it is possible you are suffering from symptoms. I'm at 21 1/2 months sobriety and I am just barely starting to feel "right" again.
Are you familiar with PAWS? If you're still early in your recovery it is possible you are suffering from symptoms. I'm at 21 1/2 months sobriety and I am just barely starting to feel "right" again.
Honestly? There is no way I will survive for the best part of two years feeling like this. Kudos that you are fighting that fight after so long. I really admire you for it. I'm not strong enough to feel like this in October 2020.
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