I can't fly
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
I can't fly
Just wanted to write a post to say how much I am thoroughly enjoying sobriety. Day 814 today so no special milestone and nothing spectacular is happening today. It’s just a normal day. And I’m loving it. It occurred to me on this normal day that when I was drinking, I never loved normal days. Normal days were just something to get through until the magical moment arrived and I could start to drink. And once I started drinking, it wouldn’t be long before I was forgetting everything and blacking out. And then I’d wake up on the next normal day…a day already ruined by shame, regret and fear…. and I’d rush to get through that day… rush towards the magical moment when I could start to drink…
When I was drinking, I was never fully present. Ever. Normal days… special days…. even my precious drinking time…. I was never really there. Ironic that when I decided to quit drinking, my biggest fear was missing out!
Now that I am present all the time, sobriety has opened my eyes to the wonders of the world. The wonders that are there all the time … inside every normal day. In addition, sobriety has opened my mind. When I first stopped drinking, I couldn’t bear watching other people drink. I felt so jealous. Why were they allowed to enjoy a glass of wine? Why couldn’t I? Slowly my perspective has changed. Now when I see moderate drinkers drinking, I feel exactly the same way as I do when I watch birds flying through the sky. Earlier on during this normal day, I watched a flock of birds flying in formation. It was spectacular. I thought, ‘Wow! That’s amazing. How incredible that the birds can fly like that’. I didn’t think, ‘That’s not fair. Why can they fly and I can’t? I want to fly. Actually, you know what? I think I’m going to try to fly. Even though I can’t fly and I know I can’t fly and I know it will never end well, I’m going to try to fly because it’s not fair that they can fly and I can’t.’
Bit of a daft analogy but it explains how I view moderate drinkers now. In simple terms, they can do something that I can’t. And that’s just the way it is. Perhaps the greatest gift of sobriety is the ability to shift my focus from what I can’t do and think about all the things I can. I may not be able to drink or fly but I can run and write and love my family and walk my dog and learn about the world and try my best. And maybe it’s this shift of focus that enables me to express gratitude for this wonderful, normal day and for the joy of feeling so incredibly free.
Free as a bird.
When I was drinking, I was never fully present. Ever. Normal days… special days…. even my precious drinking time…. I was never really there. Ironic that when I decided to quit drinking, my biggest fear was missing out!
Now that I am present all the time, sobriety has opened my eyes to the wonders of the world. The wonders that are there all the time … inside every normal day. In addition, sobriety has opened my mind. When I first stopped drinking, I couldn’t bear watching other people drink. I felt so jealous. Why were they allowed to enjoy a glass of wine? Why couldn’t I? Slowly my perspective has changed. Now when I see moderate drinkers drinking, I feel exactly the same way as I do when I watch birds flying through the sky. Earlier on during this normal day, I watched a flock of birds flying in formation. It was spectacular. I thought, ‘Wow! That’s amazing. How incredible that the birds can fly like that’. I didn’t think, ‘That’s not fair. Why can they fly and I can’t? I want to fly. Actually, you know what? I think I’m going to try to fly. Even though I can’t fly and I know I can’t fly and I know it will never end well, I’m going to try to fly because it’s not fair that they can fly and I can’t.’
Bit of a daft analogy but it explains how I view moderate drinkers now. In simple terms, they can do something that I can’t. And that’s just the way it is. Perhaps the greatest gift of sobriety is the ability to shift my focus from what I can’t do and think about all the things I can. I may not be able to drink or fly but I can run and write and love my family and walk my dog and learn about the world and try my best. And maybe it’s this shift of focus that enables me to express gratitude for this wonderful, normal day and for the joy of feeling so incredibly free.
Free as a bird.
LoveHateMerlot
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 68
I LOVE THIS, kenton! Perfectly said! I am less than a month sober. This morning I could not wait to jump out of bed, so eager to truly LIVE in the moment and embrace being present today. It's a normal day for me as well, but each day is special when you are sober.
Thanks for sharing
Thanks for sharing
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,524
Mostly my same exact thoughts, kenton. Fear of missing out literally cost me decades of a normal life. Trapped in an anesthetized state - never fully enjoying my surroundings or relationships. I'm so thankful we've been set free. Thank you for a wonderful, heartfelt post. 
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Kev,
In my world, there are no normal drinkers. There are just levels of addiction.
Someone that drinks 2 times a year, maybe a half a glass of wine each time is a level 1 drinker. Someone that drinks 1.5 liter of vodka a day is a level 100.
I swear that any time I see folks drinking I see glassy eyes and a sadness. Booze is a cnS depressant. It cant make a person more alive. It makes a person closer to death.
If all the folks that drank took 5 Minutes to really learn more about booze, they would give it up. But, the addiction is too immediate and strong. Add to that booze is legal. It is almost impossible to resist.
The govt makes money hand over fist on taxes etc. from cradle to grave on every drinking American. They make more on severe addicts than they do on level 1 drunks. They probably prefer the level 100s.
It is purely administrative and beurcratic. The fringes are the ones that make the news..e.g. DUI, domestic, rehab etc.
The rest just die earlier. That is a win for the govt as well. They don't have to pay them social security as long and they still tax their funeral.
Pretty simple really. It is nothing personal. It is statistical and scientific.
Thanks.
In my world, there are no normal drinkers. There are just levels of addiction.
Someone that drinks 2 times a year, maybe a half a glass of wine each time is a level 1 drinker. Someone that drinks 1.5 liter of vodka a day is a level 100.
I swear that any time I see folks drinking I see glassy eyes and a sadness. Booze is a cnS depressant. It cant make a person more alive. It makes a person closer to death.
If all the folks that drank took 5 Minutes to really learn more about booze, they would give it up. But, the addiction is too immediate and strong. Add to that booze is legal. It is almost impossible to resist.
The govt makes money hand over fist on taxes etc. from cradle to grave on every drinking American. They make more on severe addicts than they do on level 1 drunks. They probably prefer the level 100s.
It is purely administrative and beurcratic. The fringes are the ones that make the news..e.g. DUI, domestic, rehab etc.
The rest just die earlier. That is a win for the govt as well. They don't have to pay them social security as long and they still tax their funeral.
Pretty simple really. It is nothing personal. It is statistical and scientific.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 958
A very helpful, vivid, and constructive post Kenton! I'm on day 24 and it definitely helped to learn from your words about focusing on what we can now have because of sobriety than on the fact that other people drink and we can't drink. Even with 24 days, my body feels so much cleaner. It is easier to get out of bed; think, write; read; process questions; see; smell; and be a kinder person. So, yes we are gaining way more than we are missing out. Congratulations on 814 days! Woo hoo!
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