Total Abstinance
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 271
Total Abstinance
There is no such thing as moderation for me it has to be total abstinence from now on.
i have felt every negative emotions and anxiety there is today. I will use this pain to get me sober.
maintaining sobriety is really hard for a person like me, alcohol is cunning baffling and powerful.
The concentration and effort required to stay sober and resist powerful urges is massive. It waits until your at your most vulnerable Taft split second of vulnerability then it gets you and causes what I have Ben through today.
i have felt every negative emotions and anxiety there is today. I will use this pain to get me sober.
maintaining sobriety is really hard for a person like me, alcohol is cunning baffling and powerful.
The concentration and effort required to stay sober and resist powerful urges is massive. It waits until your at your most vulnerable Taft split second of vulnerability then it gets you and causes what I have Ben through today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 421
I couldn't agree more.
I've tried moderation many times. It might "work" for awhile, but eventually, it isn't moderation anymore, and eventually something bad happens. The guilt, anger, depression, regret, feels heavier and heavier every time. We convince ourselves the bad things will stop, we've learned our lesson, we can handle a couple drinks and still enjoy the feeling. That is the complacency of the addict and we (I) fall victim to the comfort.
It's good you recognize your limitations, now to follow up with a plan to assist you when those feelings come back.
I've tried moderation many times. It might "work" for awhile, but eventually, it isn't moderation anymore, and eventually something bad happens. The guilt, anger, depression, regret, feels heavier and heavier every time. We convince ourselves the bad things will stop, we've learned our lesson, we can handle a couple drinks and still enjoy the feeling. That is the complacency of the addict and we (I) fall victim to the comfort.
It's good you recognize your limitations, now to follow up with a plan to assist you when those feelings come back.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
I’m glad for you that you’ve had enough. There’s a big bright sober world out there. I’ve seen it and it’s not perfect, but it’s 1000 times better than drinking hell.
Your pain and shame will only sustain your sobriety for 2-3 days, a week tops. I say this as someone who swore off alcohol many times, in all sincerity, whilst hungover. Only to go back to drinking when I felt “better.” That’s no way to live, and it took me many moons to break that cycle.
Nows the time to search for a plan. Do something FOR your recovery, not just against drinking. Talk to a hotline, go to an aa meeting, call a doctor, call a therapist, call a friend outside of your drinking circle.
You can start anywhere, just start somewhere. So after the discomfort wears off, it’s not just you and your feelings. We have a way of convincing ourselves to drink when we are stuck in our own heads, especially early on.
You can do this.
Your pain and shame will only sustain your sobriety for 2-3 days, a week tops. I say this as someone who swore off alcohol many times, in all sincerity, whilst hungover. Only to go back to drinking when I felt “better.” That’s no way to live, and it took me many moons to break that cycle.
Nows the time to search for a plan. Do something FOR your recovery, not just against drinking. Talk to a hotline, go to an aa meeting, call a doctor, call a therapist, call a friend outside of your drinking circle.
You can start anywhere, just start somewhere. So after the discomfort wears off, it’s not just you and your feelings. We have a way of convincing ourselves to drink when we are stuck in our own heads, especially early on.
You can do this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 271
I have been sober for several months and then be hit with a sudden compulsion to drink.
There was a woman in AA who had a 6 month relapse after 7.5 years sober.
It it gets easier with time is not necessarily the case. That’s what I mean by having to be on your guard 24 hours a day. That split second vulnerability can have decanting consequences.
There was a woman in AA who had a 6 month relapse after 7.5 years sober.
It it gets easier with time is not necessarily the case. That’s what I mean by having to be on your guard 24 hours a day. That split second vulnerability can have decanting consequences.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 462
I'm really glad you've come to this realization, attempting moderation leads to a miserable life. Personally, I think that more time and effort goes into moderating than just drinking without limits plus it's generally a pointless exercise because more often than not you will fail at it and feel worse than ever.
Total abstinence is the only way, as for sudden compulsions to drink I don't think there is anything sudden about it. Most people tend to have a few days or weeks building up to these events that's why it's so important to work on your sobriety and be conscious of how you feel everyday so that you can nip it in the bud before it becomes a binge. The good news is that they pass and you don't have to give into them, relapse is not a forgone conclusion.
Make a plan that will enable you to get sober and stick to it
Good luck!
Total abstinence is the only way, as for sudden compulsions to drink I don't think there is anything sudden about it. Most people tend to have a few days or weeks building up to these events that's why it's so important to work on your sobriety and be conscious of how you feel everyday so that you can nip it in the bud before it becomes a binge. The good news is that they pass and you don't have to give into them, relapse is not a forgone conclusion.
Make a plan that will enable you to get sober and stick to it
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
That’s great HC! I’m so glad I took the chance to get sober when I did. I also relapsed a while back after a number of years sober. I guess I wasn’t focused on my recovery and what I was doing didn’t work anymore. You can do this HC🙂
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi HC,
I can only share my experience.
It did get easier with time - but I used everything I had at my disposal - urge surfing, finding support and using it, 'playing the tape through', building a recovery action plan.
If I did was grit my teeth and white knuckle my way through (like I did so many times before) then it probably wouldn't have gotten easier and the likelihood would be that one day I'd crack.
I was determined that wasn't going to happen.
Be vigilant by all means - I think we need to be - but things can and do get better in recovery I promise
D
Originally Posted by Highercall 
I have been sober for several months and then be hit with a sudden compulsion to drink.
There was a woman in AA who had a 6 month relapse after 7.5 years sober.
It it gets easier with time is not necessarily the case. That’s what I mean by having to be on your guard 24 hours a day. That split second vulnerability can have decanting consequences.
There was a woman in AA who had a 6 month relapse after 7.5 years sober.
It it gets easier with time is not necessarily the case. That’s what I mean by having to be on your guard 24 hours a day. That split second vulnerability can have decanting consequences.
It did get easier with time - but I used everything I had at my disposal - urge surfing, finding support and using it, 'playing the tape through', building a recovery action plan.
If I did was grit my teeth and white knuckle my way through (like I did so many times before) then it probably wouldn't have gotten easier and the likelihood would be that one day I'd crack.
I was determined that wasn't going to happen.
Be vigilant by all means - I think we need to be - but things can and do get better in recovery I promise
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,973
Hi HC, It does get easier with time. But you do have to stay focused on sobriety everyday and not give in to urges. Can you come up with a replacement for alcohol when you have those urges, and make it a habit?
It doesn’t just get easier. Life also gets better
It doesn’t just get easier. Life also gets better
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
For me, I had to truly want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Not easy, but simple. I finally got to the point where I hated myself so much I was ready to end it. 
I got desperate and took a chance on sobriety. It was hard at first and the desire to drink "just one" to "take the edge off" had to be overruled. I did anything to distract myself when I was having cravings to drink. My best move was to walk my dogs when I felt the compulsion to drink. It used up time and wore out the craving. The dogs and I were very happy with this arrangement.
The best thing I ever did to strengthen my sobriety was to practice gratitude every day. It was hard at first cause I was still in early recovery and was still depressed much of the time. Gratitude changed my whole life. And it made living sober a whole new ball game. It can make you happier too.
Give it a try. All you've got to lose is your misery.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
I got desperate and took a chance on sobriety. It was hard at first and the desire to drink "just one" to "take the edge off" had to be overruled. I did anything to distract myself when I was having cravings to drink. My best move was to walk my dogs when I felt the compulsion to drink. It used up time and wore out the craving. The dogs and I were very happy with this arrangement. The best thing I ever did to strengthen my sobriety was to practice gratitude every day. It was hard at first cause I was still in early recovery and was still depressed much of the time. Gratitude changed my whole life.
And it made living sober a whole new ball game. It can make you happier too. Give it a try. All you've got to lose is your misery.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
What's your game plan? Seems posting while in the 'regret/anxiety moments/stage' after drinking hasn't been working for ya,just like it didn't work for me. "AA lady with 6mo sober drank"..means nothing. yea..people drink again,as that's their choice, if they choose. I had to take control of MY life and own MY stuff/work, to get sober.
You are the only person in control of your drinking/not drinking. It's really that simple. Sure there's support at AA(insert any recovery method including here),BUT it's up to you.
You are the only person in control of your drinking/not drinking. It's really that simple. Sure there's support at AA(insert any recovery method including here),BUT it's up to you.
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