Adult Alcoholic/Addict Siblings Threaten Mother
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Adult Alcoholic/Addict Siblings Threaten Mother
Two bothers have been active in alcoholism/addiction for over 40 years. They are both educated. They have never made an effort to get into recovery. My 84 year old mother has been realizing it is not her fault that they have chosen this path. It is a disease but it is also a choice. I gave her some great informative articles. She has been refusing to give them money and both brothers have individually threatened her, saying that she is to old and unfit to handle her own affairs. They are users and abusers who just want to get her out of the way so they can take her money. What a mind-boggling attitude of entitlement. Seems like they are showing their true colors. My mother is wealthy and she is very sharp and very active. I hope she realizes that no contact with them is really the only option. I am sure she must be appalled and feel violated. It is clear, and has been for a long time, that they are both dangerous and pose a real threat to the other family members in more ways than one.
I have been in AA since 93' with 1 relapse. I an now in my 8th year clean and sober. I have been in recovery for a long time and have been to many meetings. Meeting makers make it.
I have been in AA since 93' with 1 relapse. I an now in my 8th year clean and sober. I have been in recovery for a long time and have been to many meetings. Meeting makers make it.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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Have you spoken with your mother on how she feels about being threatened by them? It’s good she no longer gives them money, that you know of. And it’s good she is sharp and active. I’d bet since she is weather, she has her financial plans in place for when she passes.
Congrats on your 8th!!!!
Congrats on your 8th!!!!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Congratulations to you and your own sobriety!
I do hope you encourage your mom to see an attorney and protect her assets as it sounds like they could have some evil intentions in their minds.
Big hugs to you!
I do hope you encourage your mom to see an attorney and protect her assets as it sounds like they could have some evil intentions in their minds.
Big hugs to you!
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,252
I've seen similar aged adults treat/view their parents that way. So much so they were making plans for their inheritance years ago. And they blew a gasket when they found out the realities of the parent's finances. So much so they still berate their parents for the way they handled/invested their money 30 years ago-'should've used a stock broker or invested more in this etc'. I kid you not they are criticizing 30 plus year old decisions which actually were working until those same adult children started borrowing 10s of thousands of dollars and not repaying . And these parents are not well off.
If adult children are taking advantage of their senior parents there is probably more going on than chemicals. Not saying abuse or anything but many resent the parents for giving them everything they wanted. I see it here. Just one example is the adult alcoholic resents not being sent away to college like many of his friends for example but they were college material, he struggled to pass common subjects and failed/dropped numerous courses at the local community college. That's just the very tip of the iceberg. The sense of entitlement is his issue here as well and when he doesn't get what they want or desire they get VERY upset. And have the gall to equate themselves with people who have been abused or experienced real hardship. But disappointment is hardship to them. They can't or won't cope.
Sounds like these two 'children' think they missed out on somethings and feel entitled to get what they want either way. Or they just don't want the party to stop.
Also a warning depending on how long they've been trying to manipulate or con her that behavior is probably normal to them sadly along with being acceptable. She should continue not to enable. Make sure her will is iron clad and give power of attorney to someone much more honorable than them.
If adult children are taking advantage of their senior parents there is probably more going on than chemicals. Not saying abuse or anything but many resent the parents for giving them everything they wanted. I see it here. Just one example is the adult alcoholic resents not being sent away to college like many of his friends for example but they were college material, he struggled to pass common subjects and failed/dropped numerous courses at the local community college. That's just the very tip of the iceberg. The sense of entitlement is his issue here as well and when he doesn't get what they want or desire they get VERY upset. And have the gall to equate themselves with people who have been abused or experienced real hardship. But disappointment is hardship to them. They can't or won't cope.
Sounds like these two 'children' think they missed out on somethings and feel entitled to get what they want either way. Or they just don't want the party to stop.
Also a warning depending on how long they've been trying to manipulate or con her that behavior is probably normal to them sadly along with being acceptable. She should continue not to enable. Make sure her will is iron clad and give power of attorney to someone much more honorable than them.
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I would strongly recommend that your mother make sure her financial affairs are what she wants, power of attorney in place, will, etc.
These are difficult discussions to have with our parents, as they want to feel that they are in control and often don't want to share that information with their children.
At least, that's been the case in my family.
We tried to get my mother to make financial changes several years ago that would protect a lot of her income from being completely taken if she had to go into care.
She was extremely resistant, and we eventually gave up.
Now, if she ends up in care, it's likely her assets will go toward that.
We also stopped making cash available to her, as she would just give it to my addict sib.
He has his own money (not much, but enough to feed his alcohol addiction) but he would far rather use hers.
Of course.
These are difficult discussions to have with our parents, as they want to feel that they are in control and often don't want to share that information with their children.
At least, that's been the case in my family.
We tried to get my mother to make financial changes several years ago that would protect a lot of her income from being completely taken if she had to go into care.
She was extremely resistant, and we eventually gave up.
Now, if she ends up in care, it's likely her assets will go toward that.
We also stopped making cash available to her, as she would just give it to my addict sib.
He has his own money (not much, but enough to feed his alcohol addiction) but he would far rather use hers.
Of course.
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Both brothers are very self-entitled. The younger brother, in an angry and demanding attitude, told my mother that she owes it to him because of a hard childhood. He is also dyslexic altho he does have a college education paid for by our grandfather, a famous state politician. Our father was a raging alcoholic who caused extreme hardship in childhood. We lived in upper middle class suburbia, had food on the table, and went to the best public schools. We were somewhat poor in the midst of wealth and privilege.
The other brother went to law school and quit practicing law with four small children over 20 years ago. Since then he has been enabled by his wife and our mother and never provided for his family. Both brothers are physically, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt not to mention all the wreckage in their lives. My mother remarried in the 80s to a man who became very wealthy and she also inherited the estate of my grandfather, the politician. She is very conservative with money and smart. As of last year she has cut them both off financially when several people told her not to give them money because of their active alcoholism and addiction issues. The one brother (former attorney) is complaining that he had to do physical labor and says he deserves money because he is age 61 and says everything is hard. I really would prefer to have no contact, but I feel it is smart to stay apprised of the situation so as not to get blindsided later. Whatever their reasons are for being so self-entitled, it really doesn't matter because it's all delusional anyway. I am the oldest, a woman who has been like an outcast and a black sheep in the family. Now I am close with my mother again because in whatever time there is left on this earth, I want to have a bond with her. I am a survivor of multiple violent assaults by intruders in my past. I struggled with that for a long time. I told my mother that I am living proof that anyone can get clean and sober and that anyone can stay clean and sober. I came into AA in 93 and finally stopped drinking and drugging in 95. I attained double digit sobriety one day at a time, and was active in the fellowship and the program. I relapsed after a divorce and it was very, very bad. The last time I drank I was Baker Acted and almost died. My sobriety date is 4/20/11. These two brothers have also been abusive to me in the past to the point where my life was endangered. I consider them to be dangerous. They are a danger to themselves. I believe my mother made some changes in the will last year when she started getting a new perspective, realizing that their substance abuse issues are not her fault. I do not know the specific details of the will and that's the way it is at this time. The other day I told the one brother that our mother has it together and I pointed that a certain female Hollywood celebrity is 97 and still going strong. I am putting my foot down, and I think she is also, as it should be. I have my mother's back, and I want to make sure that no one ever takes advantage of her, especially active alcoholic/addict predator family members who have been using and abusing for over 4 decades.
How It Works - AA
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they the capacity to be honest.
The other brother went to law school and quit practicing law with four small children over 20 years ago. Since then he has been enabled by his wife and our mother and never provided for his family. Both brothers are physically, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt not to mention all the wreckage in their lives. My mother remarried in the 80s to a man who became very wealthy and she also inherited the estate of my grandfather, the politician. She is very conservative with money and smart. As of last year she has cut them both off financially when several people told her not to give them money because of their active alcoholism and addiction issues. The one brother (former attorney) is complaining that he had to do physical labor and says he deserves money because he is age 61 and says everything is hard. I really would prefer to have no contact, but I feel it is smart to stay apprised of the situation so as not to get blindsided later. Whatever their reasons are for being so self-entitled, it really doesn't matter because it's all delusional anyway. I am the oldest, a woman who has been like an outcast and a black sheep in the family. Now I am close with my mother again because in whatever time there is left on this earth, I want to have a bond with her. I am a survivor of multiple violent assaults by intruders in my past. I struggled with that for a long time. I told my mother that I am living proof that anyone can get clean and sober and that anyone can stay clean and sober. I came into AA in 93 and finally stopped drinking and drugging in 95. I attained double digit sobriety one day at a time, and was active in the fellowship and the program. I relapsed after a divorce and it was very, very bad. The last time I drank I was Baker Acted and almost died. My sobriety date is 4/20/11. These two brothers have also been abusive to me in the past to the point where my life was endangered. I consider them to be dangerous. They are a danger to themselves. I believe my mother made some changes in the will last year when she started getting a new perspective, realizing that their substance abuse issues are not her fault. I do not know the specific details of the will and that's the way it is at this time. The other day I told the one brother that our mother has it together and I pointed that a certain female Hollywood celebrity is 97 and still going strong. I am putting my foot down, and I think she is also, as it should be. I have my mother's back, and I want to make sure that no one ever takes advantage of her, especially active alcoholic/addict predator family members who have been using and abusing for over 4 decades.
How It Works - AA
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they the capacity to be honest.
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Now all three siblings have told my mother that she is unfit to handle her financial affairs as a result of her refusing to give them money. She has cut off the two alcoholic/addict brothers and my sister demanded the money to finance ivy league universities for her two children, which is several hundred thousand dollars. My sister somehow feels entitled to this money even tho she has 2 brothers who have been cut off and have no money because thy are bankrupted by drugs and alcohol. My mother was outraged at the entitlement. It's their fathers responsibility. Now my mother is done with their drama and afraid they might be trying to take advantage of her, even possible legal shenanigans. My mother is in Florida at her winter home and her invalid husband is gravely ill. She is seriously considering staying in Florida to avoid my sibs in Chicago area. They threatened to take away her rights so they could get to her money. Unbelievable. Women's rights are human rights. Human rights are women's rights.
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In addition to that my one brother has a 29 year old son who went back home to my brother's house from Montana because he has become to dysfunctional with drugs and alcohol that he can no longer take care of himself. My brother reached a point where he just decided that he didn't want take care him anymore and tried to foist him on our mother. This kid has serious issues, needs long term treatment and more. No matter what his problems are this is not my mother's problem to deal with. She said she did not want any visitors but he is still trying. I am supposed to have no contact with him but he is causing so much wreckage that it just seems safer and smarter to keep apprised.
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Hi Briar, well they are certainly good at creating drama.
I hope your Mother has, or will, seek the help of a good lawyer. First of all to maintain that she is quite capable, secondly if she is feeling threatened. She may want to take legal action such as a restraining order(s).
I hope your Mother has, or will, seek the help of a good lawyer. First of all to maintain that she is quite capable, secondly if she is feeling threatened. She may want to take legal action such as a restraining order(s).
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Oh, Briar, I am sorry! I hope that your mother will contact an attorney of her own to protect herself from all of this! At this point in her life, she should be able to relax and enjoy all that she has worked to achieve--not worry about the circling vultures.
Hang in there! And vent here any time!
Hang in there! And vent here any time!
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My mother is sharp and highly functional. She plays tennis several times a week. From what I understand, it is a long and expensive process to attempt to prove an elderly person is unfit to handle their finances. Experts would have to testify in court. Seems like this is an unlikely scenario. But she is old and afraid of them now and this is extremely abusive. My mother is wealthy, it seems like she would have her legal ducks in a row. This is not an appropriate subject for me to bring up, especially with sibs crossing boundaries like this. I wouldn't be surprised if she changed her will since their atrocious behavior. Now they have shown their true colors and all they care about is the money. They are terrible people. I am a women who has survived multiple violent assaults in my life and they never even cared. I am a feminist and I do not support people who seek to take away the human rights of women.
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BSkye, does she have a lawyer who can handle her affairs?
I suggest she seek advice now, while she's still sharp of mind, to lay out her wishes quite clearly and put in place mechanisms to enforce them, independent of your brothers.
I suggest she seek advice now, while she's still sharp of mind, to lay out her wishes quite clearly and put in place mechanisms to enforce them, independent of your brothers.
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If they're in addiction mode just like many other lies and delusions 'mother is unfit' is another one. The problem is if they can pay or incentivize a lawyer of their own their case will proceed. It might eventually be tossed but she'll have to go through the process as a senior citizen.
As many have stated at least consult a lawyer and if/when they start proceedings a quick response might do as much as legal counter measures. Many addicts and alcoholics don't have patience and if this turns into multi year process I don't see perseverance because they already shown they don't want to work.
And that sense of entitlement is extremely difficult to break. I've seen family feeling entitled to a life or things only the rich can afford with any regularity yet they pursued it into bankruptcy among other things.
As many have stated at least consult a lawyer and if/when they start proceedings a quick response might do as much as legal counter measures. Many addicts and alcoholics don't have patience and if this turns into multi year process I don't see perseverance because they already shown they don't want to work.
And that sense of entitlement is extremely difficult to break. I've seen family feeling entitled to a life or things only the rich can afford with any regularity yet they pursued it into bankruptcy among other things.
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Originally Posted by thequest 
If they're in addiction mode just like many other lies and delusions 'mother is unfit' is another one. The problem is if they can pay or incentivize a lawyer of their own their case will proceed. It might eventually be tossed but she'll have to go through the process as a senior citizen.
As many have stated at least consult a lawyer and if/when they start proceedings a quick response might do as much as legal counter measures. Many addicts and alcoholics don't have patience and if this turns into multi year process I don't see perseverance because they already shown they don't want to work.
And that sense of entitlement is extremely difficult to break. I've seen family feeling entitled to a life or things only the rich can afford with any regularity yet they pursued it into bankruptcy among other things.
As many have stated at least consult a lawyer and if/when they start proceedings a quick response might do as much as legal counter measures. Many addicts and alcoholics don't have patience and if this turns into multi year process I don't see perseverance because they already shown they don't want to work.
And that sense of entitlement is extremely difficult to break. I've seen family feeling entitled to a life or things only the rich can afford with any regularity yet they pursued it into bankruptcy among other things.
He has not practiced law in over 25 years because he preferred the addiction/alcoholism lifestyle.
As a result he never provided for his family. He does some work doing video depositions.
He is emotionally and physically bankrupt. His life is circling the drain.
If he tries any legal games he will certainly end up with nothing.
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