Tinkerbeau

Ive completely failed again, spent all weekend just drinking, not even leaving house, i hate myself so much, im just a sad lonely mess and i dont know what to do anymore. I dont want this to be my life any longer

Dee74

hate your condition, not yourself Tinkerbeau

You can absolutely change things - but it might take some short term discomfort and a little effort.

Where do you stand on going to something like AA?

D

Snowydelrico

A think most of us have been there tinkerbeau.
This affliction makes us do that.

Keep trying, don’t give up.
Try not only to dwell on it, what’s done is done.

Best wishes
Be easy on yourself

Tinkerbeau

I just dont know what to do i feel so lost

Taooo

You called yourself a sad lonely mess in the first post; maybe you need to find a way to meet people and make new friends? Don't hate yourself; addiction is a powerful thing.

Dee74

Coming here and posting instead of drinking has been the way out for many TB - gotta be worth a shot?


D

nez

Whenever I am traveling and get lost, I ask directions from people that are familiar with the area. I have found that same method yields good results when applied to my recovery journey as well.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you all foe your kind words, i need to beat this before it destroys me. I pray this is my last day 1

Stronger2017

Kaily

Sorry you are feeling so awful. I know exactly those feelings of hopelessness, loneliness and pure despair. The fear that things will never improve.

I am only early on on my sober journey - 82 Days. I was drinking all day everyday on my own, I tried to break the cycle many times but kept going back, it was like a pure compulsion that I just couldn't control.

What I am trying to say is YOU CAN do it. My life is still far from perfect and I would be lying if I said I don't still have lots of drinking thoughts but somehow I am slowly getting there.

I have been doing really long walks most days, I don't always feel like it but I make myself go. I come home exhausted. I eat dinner (and chocolate) before my AV convinces me to drink. Then I am tired and full. I go to bed ridiculously early to stop the AV getting twitchy again and the evening tends to drag on sitting alone. If I can't sleep I read a novel, nothing heavy just a feel good book.

I hope I have had my last relapse and I hope you have too. Good Luck.

PeacefulWater12

I recognise the feelings of hopelessness you share. I found spending time with fellows in a similar place to myself was a big help to move me forward.

Tinkerbeau

I think i will set up an accountability thread and post everyday, and try to connect more with others on here, as you are all so supportive. Ive had to call in sick to work as i feel so bad, just want to cry as have no idea why sitting in my bedroom drinking all weekend seemed a good idea, it discusts me that i did it, and no wonder i got no friends or relationship

wildflower70

Oh boy....this sounds so familiar. I would do the same thing, binge drink all weekend alone, have to call into work sick, and spend 2-3 days just trying to feel normal again. I've broke my cycle by beginning with the commitment to not drink. Do anything besides drink. And then it just became normal to not drink. In the first few months:

I watched a ton of movies, did a lot of reading, started baking again, and took naps whenever I could. I was just getting through.

Then I felt more clear (around 60 days), I was ready to get out more, start exercising in a group, shopping became fun again, I felt good.

At about 120 days I began to see how good my life really is, my work, where I live, the opportunities to make sober friends and have fun.

The point here is that this is a gradual journey, with some bumps and curves along the way. You're not always going to feel wonderful, you will get bored at first, the cravings will come and go, you may go through some emotional turbulence, and then you will begin to see and feel the changes that sobriety brings, and you will love it.

Start your journey today, Day 1, we are here to help you.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you wildflower, i am going to make that commitment, its so reassuring to know it can be done, i long for the day when not drinking becomes normal

wildflower70

That is awesome Tinker!! Be very proud of yourself for coming here, asking for help, and now making the commitment. Maybe set yourself up for a day of rest, a hot bubble bath, movies, popcorn, and a big hug.

I made a sign to hang on my fridge.."I'm ready for a new life." it helped

Tinkerbeau

Thanks wildflower, its so hard to not be harsh at myself for letting alcohol take over, but i know i need to let go of past to move on. I like the sign idea, i will make one.

Tonymblue

Don’t hate yourself. I’ve been there many times myself. Glad you’re making a proactive plan. You can do it.

Anna

Tinker, you cannot afford to hate yourself. If you do, you will likely end up drinking again. As Dee said, hate the alcoholism, but not yourself. Be kind to yourself. You are here seeking support and making plans to be accountable. That's good.

WaterOx

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I have known that feeling all too well.

sugarbear1

Get a sticky pad and write positive statements and place them around your home as reminders. Start a journal. Maybe try an AA meeting or SMART meeting or Women for Sobriety or some other recovery meeting? My struggles often come when I am thinking and not doing.

You are worth sobriety!!