73 day itch
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 125
73 day itch
In the spirit of “telling on myself”, I have found myself thinking the past few weekends about perhaps having a glass of vino. I know it’s AV and I am doing cost benefit analysis, thinking of all I have to lose, considering how much crazy better I feel now that I’m alcohol free, but it concerns me that I’m toying with the idea. This is how I’ve gone back to drinking in the past. After I start again I can look back and see that it was building up inside of me and I didn’t do enough to fight it. I have 100 days in my sight and keep telling myself to just get there and then I’ll start another 100 days... kinda like training for a run. Just get to that next mark.
Ugh... any good advice or experiences to share? Sometimes I feel like telling AV to just F off, I rode the wave and it subsided, but I really am concerned.
Thanks!
Ugh... any good advice or experiences to share? Sometimes I feel like telling AV to just F off, I rode the wave and it subsided, but I really am concerned.
Thanks!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by serenitynowplz 
In the spirit of “telling on myself”, I have found myself thinking the past few weekends about perhaps having a glass of vino.
Thinking about drinking is one thing, drinking another. If you are committed to never drinking again, then yes, tell the AV to F-off.
And if you are thinking about moderation...don't.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
The thoughts that come to us during times of urges, are lies. That never changes because drinking wrecks our lives....simple truth. Remind yourself those tempting statements like only one or two, I can control my drinking now......lies. We are here because one turns into 10 and we spiral out control. So when the urges come, have a plan. I would create a list of things that “needed to get done”. It was simply to keep my mind busy and purposed. It worked.
I can also tell you that around 100 days, I had a week from hell. The urges were terrible, but I thought about sobriety and what I valued by being sober.
The first 100 days + were lots of work, I never want to do that again, so I stay sober.
Stay strong.
SF
I can also tell you that around 100 days, I had a week from hell. The urges were terrible, but I thought about sobriety and what I valued by being sober.
The first 100 days + were lots of work, I never want to do that again, so I stay sober.
Stay strong.
SF
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 67
Reading relapse stories on SR really helped me serenitynow. Being reminded of the consequences and the reality of drinking has done the trick so far because it’s never been one drink for me - it’s drinking too much and feeling the pain the next day and then the obsession with alcohol gets fired up again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,964
Hi serenity, this has happened to me on many occasions and caused so many relapses when I wasn’t prepared and had stopped practicing my sobriety on a daily basis. Every time this happened, the relapse was worse than the last (maybe not initially but didn’t take too long to be back where I was).
The last time I started having these urges was about 1-1/2 years into sobriety. Things had been peaceful in my life for a while. But then, bam! Stress at home started to hit me. I went through an on/off struggle with this for a few months. What I did? I came back to SR and every time I felt urges, I would post or at least read here. I went back to my therapist. I started journaling actively again.
I was already in the daily habit of doing exercise and yoga. But I needed something to help me in these moments. I needed to get back to being mindful again. I needed replacement thoughts and behaviors to help me when I felt intense stress and urges. I have sort of a formula I follow in no particular order. I will imagine my last two bad drunk episodes in vivid detail, the horrible physical sensations, the vomiting, the emotional low I felt. I made a list of affirmations that I think of when I feel weak: “when things go wrong, don’t go with them”, “I always have the power to choose my responses”. “This too shall pass.” I imagine waves and clouds passing over and recognize this is how our feelings and life events are too. Everything passes. I come here to SR to talk myself out of it. I go for drives or a walk if I can get out of the house. Or, I lay down and listen to a meditation app with my ear buds
Another thing that has worked for me is to just put it off. Put it off for another hour, another day. Just keep putting it off. Then it passes completely and I no longer have the urge.
Fortunately, recently I havent been having urges at all, even in situations that used to trigger me. This is evidence that things do pass and we do get stronger. But I have known people sober for 5 years, even 10 years or more, who will occasionally go through these urge feelings. The key is to not ever let yourself get complacent.
I’m just a couple days from my two year soberversary and there is no way I’m turning back now!
Yes, tell that AV to F off!
The last time I started having these urges was about 1-1/2 years into sobriety. Things had been peaceful in my life for a while. But then, bam! Stress at home started to hit me. I went through an on/off struggle with this for a few months. What I did? I came back to SR and every time I felt urges, I would post or at least read here. I went back to my therapist. I started journaling actively again.
I was already in the daily habit of doing exercise and yoga. But I needed something to help me in these moments. I needed to get back to being mindful again. I needed replacement thoughts and behaviors to help me when I felt intense stress and urges. I have sort of a formula I follow in no particular order. I will imagine my last two bad drunk episodes in vivid detail, the horrible physical sensations, the vomiting, the emotional low I felt. I made a list of affirmations that I think of when I feel weak: “when things go wrong, don’t go with them”, “I always have the power to choose my responses”. “This too shall pass.” I imagine waves and clouds passing over and recognize this is how our feelings and life events are too. Everything passes. I come here to SR to talk myself out of it. I go for drives or a walk if I can get out of the house. Or, I lay down and listen to a meditation app with my ear buds
Another thing that has worked for me is to just put it off. Put it off for another hour, another day. Just keep putting it off. Then it passes completely and I no longer have the urge.
Fortunately, recently I havent been having urges at all, even in situations that used to trigger me. This is evidence that things do pass and we do get stronger. But I have known people sober for 5 years, even 10 years or more, who will occasionally go through these urge feelings. The key is to not ever let yourself get complacent.
I’m just a couple days from my two year soberversary and there is no way I’m turning back now!
Yes, tell that AV to F off!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Sere,
I still have anxiety and frustrations that I used to drink over.
Therefore they may be considered trigger or cravings.
It was hell for the first 6 months or so.
I ate when I craved. Goin on a diet is not conducive to quitting drinking.
My sodium and cholesterol levels went up for well over a year.
Thanks.
I still have anxiety and frustrations that I used to drink over.
Therefore they may be considered trigger or cravings.
It was hell for the first 6 months or so.
I ate when I craved. Goin on a diet is not conducive to quitting drinking.
My sodium and cholesterol levels went up for well over a year.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 462
I considered it a few times mostly when I was hungry and the thought suddenly popped up. First couple of times I let it sit there and carried on thinking about it, remembering how drinking made me feel etc etc which was no help whatsoever. These days I acknowledge it then I push it aside and think about something else. Giving it power will only make it worse.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 241
Playing the tape forward has been a helpful tool for me. Each time my av tells me it won’t be a big deal to have just a little drink, I play forward what will actually happen after that one little harmless drink. I have plenty of experience to play on, and that one drink always always always leads me back into total alcoholism. And each time the path was shorter and shorter. I don’t want to see what one little drink will do to me again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi serenitynowplz - great advice here.
Thinking about drinking is one thing...acting on it is another. You did the right thing to come here and rat that thought out.
Nothing makes the monsters under the bed disappear faster than shining a light on them.
73 days is that difficult time - long enough to forget the worst of the bad stuff and not quite long enough perhaps to see the full benefits of recovery yet.
Apart from posting here a little what else are you doing for your recovery, SNP?
D
Thinking about drinking is one thing...acting on it is another. You did the right thing to come here and rat that thought out.
Nothing makes the monsters under the bed disappear faster than shining a light on them.
73 days is that difficult time - long enough to forget the worst of the bad stuff and not quite long enough perhaps to see the full benefits of recovery yet.
Apart from posting here a little what else are you doing for your recovery, SNP?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 125
Thank you so much for all the replies. Every one rang true with me. Shining a light in monsters under the bed... that’s perfection!
I think the biggest unanswered question for me is from Dee asking what I’m doing daily for my sobriety. I don’t really know so I guess that’s not good enough.
I’m focusing on my health... have been working out at orange theory since November and it’s a great way to commit tongettingbup early in the morning and not drinking the night before. I can’t work out and drink... never could.
I’m def playing the awful stuff over and over in my head and remind myself that something will absolutely happen again. Maybe not immediately... but it absolutely will. Along those same lines I’m focused on everything I have to lose and how much better my relationships are now. I’m seeing which friends want to be with me for me, and which ones just want me to drink with them.
I’m reading a lot. Fave right now is this naked mind. Reminds me that there is absolutely nothing good that can come from drinking.
I can’t temember which one of you said that the AV is worse when we give it power but it’s so true. It’s like the story of which wolf do you want to feed.
I recognize that it comes down to loving myself enough to not want to do anything that could hurt me... to make my life one that I would never want to jeopardize.
Any other daily recommendations? I’m so grateful for this site. Thank you to everyone who keeps it going. Truly a lifesaver. ❤️
I think the biggest unanswered question for me is from Dee asking what I’m doing daily for my sobriety. I don’t really know so I guess that’s not good enough.
I’m focusing on my health... have been working out at orange theory since November and it’s a great way to commit tongettingbup early in the morning and not drinking the night before. I can’t work out and drink... never could.
I’m def playing the awful stuff over and over in my head and remind myself that something will absolutely happen again. Maybe not immediately... but it absolutely will. Along those same lines I’m focused on everything I have to lose and how much better my relationships are now. I’m seeing which friends want to be with me for me, and which ones just want me to drink with them.
I’m reading a lot. Fave right now is this naked mind. Reminds me that there is absolutely nothing good that can come from drinking.
I can’t temember which one of you said that the AV is worse when we give it power but it’s so true. It’s like the story of which wolf do you want to feed.
I recognize that it comes down to loving myself enough to not want to do anything that could hurt me... to make my life one that I would never want to jeopardize.
Any other daily recommendations? I’m so grateful for this site. Thank you to everyone who keeps it going. Truly a lifesaver. ❤️
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
If you've never read this link before it's a great place to start SNP 
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Fearlessat50
...had stopped practicing my sobriety on a daily basis. Every time this happened, the relapse was worse than the last (maybe not initially but didn’t take too long to be back where I was).
The last time I started having these urges was about 1-1/2 years into sobriety. Things had been peaceful in my life for a while. But then, bam! Stress at home started to hit me. I went through an on/off struggle with this for a few months. What I did? I came back to SR and every time I felt urges, I would post or at least read here. I went back to my therapist. I started journaling actively again.
I was already in the daily habit of doing exercise and yoga. But I needed something to help me in these moments. I needed to get back to being mindful again. I needed replacement thoughts and behaviors to help me when I felt intense stress and urges. I have sort of a formula I follow in no particular order. “I always have the power to choose my responses”. “This too shall pass.”
Another thing that has worked for me is to just put it off. Put it off for another hour, another day. Just keep putting it off. Then it passes completely and I no longer have the urge.
But I have known people sober for 5 years, even 10 years or more, who will occasionally go through these urge feelings. The key is to not ever let yourself get complacent.
The last time I started having these urges was about 1-1/2 years into sobriety. Things had been peaceful in my life for a while. But then, bam! Stress at home started to hit me. I went through an on/off struggle with this for a few months. What I did? I came back to SR and every time I felt urges, I would post or at least read here. I went back to my therapist. I started journaling actively again.
I was already in the daily habit of doing exercise and yoga. But I needed something to help me in these moments. I needed to get back to being mindful again. I needed replacement thoughts and behaviors to help me when I felt intense stress and urges. I have sort of a formula I follow in no particular order. “I always have the power to choose my responses”. “This too shall pass.”
Another thing that has worked for me is to just put it off. Put it off for another hour, another day. Just keep putting it off. Then it passes completely and I no longer have the urge.
But I have known people sober for 5 years, even 10 years or more, who will occasionally go through these urge feelings. The key is to not ever let yourself get complacent.
For me, the parts about not getting complacent and keeping what I'd call an optimistic vigilance about my whole life and its backdrop of recovery is essential. I too self-correct if I dip below two meetings a week- or find myself using tools to excess like my "send myself to bed early" or "take a big nap" technique, like a nap from 3-6, a quick hello to my husband (forget dinner) and back to bed at 7.
Yesterday was very stressful to me, and that's the second day this week that I have lost it in some form at my sweet (also in recovery), awesome husband - and there were two days I used every tool in my whole capacity to NOT to do that, and succeeded. Clearly, I've got some changes to make today.
Glad you are here- perhaps look at things you can change JFT...I know for me, here at 1101 days, sometimes "enough" victory for one day is still going to bed sober with a mental list of 5 things I am grateful for in my sober life. And no losing it over things big or small (which, ahem, most of my probs fall into that latter category even the ones that are factually large).
Keep going and making the next right choice for your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 498
Good morning all,
I should have read this thread last night!!!!! I had wine - I was at my parents house cleaning out the shed and garage for most of the afternoon (they passed away last year) and I was tired mentally and physically and came home, sat on the sofa - my wife was having a glass of wine - usually I don't care, but I let my guard down and had no response or couldn't muster a response to the craving, I know better and I need to do better, wish I could bottle how I feel and pop it open next time.....oh well - I will save this thread to read - thank you serenity, this was a good read.
I should have read this thread last night!!!!! I had wine - I was at my parents house cleaning out the shed and garage for most of the afternoon (they passed away last year) and I was tired mentally and physically and came home, sat on the sofa - my wife was having a glass of wine - usually I don't care, but I let my guard down and had no response or couldn't muster a response to the craving, I know better and I need to do better, wish I could bottle how I feel and pop it open next time.....oh well - I will save this thread to read - thank you serenity, this was a good read.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Magellan - glad you came back this morning. What are your plans today, other than not drinking?
And Serenity - you did not ask but since you indicate being open to plan suggestions - here are the 5 things I do every morning. I'm an Aa person so adjust as you will, but I trust you will get the gist.
1 Ask myself HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) - this is usually about the day before (how I ate, did I exercise and such) and how I slept (like we've been talking about on another thread, I have serious problems with it) and right now, the state of my recovering back
2 Visit SR - I often do this as the last thing so I can dawdle as long as I like!
3 I read the same pages of the Big Book - 84-88 (these include a daily inventory of how I am doing at life, essentially), and 417-418 which boil down to acceptance and that I'm not in control of [ ]
4 I read the daily meditation from Friar Richard Rohr of the CAC - you can join the list for daily/weekly/monthly- as my traditional Christian upbringing has expanded into more spiritual study of different forms of Christianity and other wisdom traditions
5 A shared Bible app with my husband- we pick whatever topic is a good fit at the time
I have done this exact thing ever morning since my first sponsor started me on those pages when I was 3-4 mo sober.
Glad you are here and keep going!
And Serenity - you did not ask but since you indicate being open to plan suggestions - here are the 5 things I do every morning. I'm an Aa person so adjust as you will, but I trust you will get the gist.
1 Ask myself HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) - this is usually about the day before (how I ate, did I exercise and such) and how I slept (like we've been talking about on another thread, I have serious problems with it) and right now, the state of my recovering back
2 Visit SR - I often do this as the last thing so I can dawdle as long as I like!
3 I read the same pages of the Big Book - 84-88 (these include a daily inventory of how I am doing at life, essentially), and 417-418 which boil down to acceptance and that I'm not in control of [ ]
4 I read the daily meditation from Friar Richard Rohr of the CAC - you can join the list for daily/weekly/monthly- as my traditional Christian upbringing has expanded into more spiritual study of different forms of Christianity and other wisdom traditions
5 A shared Bible app with my husband- we pick whatever topic is a good fit at the time
I have done this exact thing ever morning since my first sponsor started me on those pages when I was 3-4 mo sober.
Glad you are here and keep going!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
wish I could bottle how I feel and pop it open next time.....oh well
when you start feeling like you deserve a drink is the time to start reading old posts (or other peoples posts) and reacquainting yourself with the reality. Yeah it's an effort and it might leave you a part of you annoyed at not getting that fix ....but it will be easier the next time.
Posting here for help is a good idea too.
We can help - but only if you let us know you're in trouble
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 498
Originally Posted by Dee74
We can help - but only if you let us know you're in trouble
D
D
It is slow going - reading here has given me a perspective I haven't let in before (very happy I remembered my login...haha)The "moderation" posts are extremely helpful! I've had a tough year - not because of drinking but because of everything that happens in life (I'm not complaining as I am a very blessed person - God continues to provide for me and my family abundantly) - I have continued to use alcohol to get me through some of the valleys but it only makes things much less productive and I have been drinking more frequently and in greater quantities. I know if I continue my ending won't be good and the abundance that I have will go away - sure I romanticize about how nice a glass of wine would be but then remember that it will not be just one glass.
Right now reading is very good and I have some threads saved to re-read and have some stop gap measures to help avoid a Saturday repeat - just glad I'm back and that the thought of never drinking is not scary but welcome - of course as I type "never drinking" it seems like mission impossible!
Sorry for the ramble, thanks for your help
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