Day 34 - Is this how it will be ? Always running away?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
Day 34 - Is this how it will be ? Always running away?
Hey all.
I'll try to be as descriptive as I can.
I work at a Company where there are free beers on Fridays. Today, like every Friday, we stay with colleagues. Just that I did not drink (I didn't stay long).
This was hard as hell. I'm going to be completely honest. I will go to AA from tomorrow on because there is no chance I will recover this way or by myself.
However, is this how is going to be from now on ?. Listen don't get me wrong, whatever it works is fine. Even if its AA. But to be completely honest, I do not want to run away forever whenever there is alcohol around.
Also, I can't stress this enough: I don't what either AA nor the people of AA to become all my life. This is not the point of sobriety. Being addicted to AA is also as bad as been addicted to alcohol (No offense).
I don't want to spend my life listening to podcasts (Which I do and I like) about alcoholism, go to AA in my free time and read alcoholism books on the weekends. I don't want this.
I want to be sober to be able to live normally.
Just needed to rant. thanks
I'll try to be as descriptive as I can.
I work at a Company where there are free beers on Fridays. Today, like every Friday, we stay with colleagues. Just that I did not drink (I didn't stay long).
This was hard as hell. I'm going to be completely honest. I will go to AA from tomorrow on because there is no chance I will recover this way or by myself.
However, is this how is going to be from now on ?. Listen don't get me wrong, whatever it works is fine. Even if its AA. But to be completely honest, I do not want to run away forever whenever there is alcohol around.
Also, I can't stress this enough: I don't what either AA nor the people of AA to become all my life. This is not the point of sobriety. Being addicted to AA is also as bad as been addicted to alcohol (No offense).
I don't want to spend my life listening to podcasts (Which I do and I like) about alcoholism, go to AA in my free time and read alcoholism books on the weekends. I don't want this.
I want to be sober to be able to live normally.
Just needed to rant. thanks
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 462
Hi Hope and welcome
In answer to your question no, it won't be like this forever but it did take me several months of complete avoidance before I even went into a bar. Like it or not we can't live "normally", to succeed in never drinking again you do need to be conscious that your sobriety is precious and needs to be protected, whether that means listening to podcasts, reading sober literature, meditating daily/weekly whatever works for you.
Personally, going to join my colleagues in a free for all even as a spectator would not have worked for me in the beginning, I don't think I would enjoy that even after 8 months sober. You do need to make changes in your life to begin with to remove the temptation until you are able to handle it.
Good luck
In answer to your question no, it won't be like this forever but it did take me several months of complete avoidance before I even went into a bar. Like it or not we can't live "normally", to succeed in never drinking again you do need to be conscious that your sobriety is precious and needs to be protected, whether that means listening to podcasts, reading sober literature, meditating daily/weekly whatever works for you.
Personally, going to join my colleagues in a free for all even as a spectator would not have worked for me in the beginning, I don't think I would enjoy that even after 8 months sober. You do need to make changes in your life to begin with to remove the temptation until you are able to handle it.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Hey hope,
Everyone runs their Sobriety to their comfort level.
Me:
I come here often to read what people are going through and I dont often post (anymore)
I go to AA occasionally, like once a month is my average. I like to check in, be around other alcoholics just like me as I have no one around me who truly understands.
I can be around people who are drinking but I really choose not to be. I am just not a fan of the crowd, the repeat stories, etc...
I am also 16 months sober. In the beginning, I was here ALL the time, I went to AA once a week and I found a hobby (painting) to ease my mind and meditate. I waited until I have comfortable enough with myself, my sobriety before being around people who are drinking.
I also will leave ANY situation that I am not comfortable in, period. I will also back out of plans if at moments beforehand I am feeling like this isn't a good idea, I will bail and I will be honest as to why. I have done this many times. My life, no one else's. If they do not understand, that is not my problem and I will reevaluate that relationship another time if I feel I need to. My mental health (sobriety) comes before all so nothing else has to suffer like my son, my job, finances, ME!
I was at a county fair on a date and he smelled so bad of beer that I gave it 25 mins before leaving... I don't like the smell and he was a dishonest person about his own consumption, that was a line I do not allow to be crossed.
I found what works for me.
You will find what works for you. Give it time, you are super fresh with a TON of emotions (maybe not) and other things going on.
Blessings,
DC
Everyone runs their Sobriety to their comfort level.
Me:
I come here often to read what people are going through and I dont often post (anymore)
I go to AA occasionally, like once a month is my average. I like to check in, be around other alcoholics just like me as I have no one around me who truly understands.
I can be around people who are drinking but I really choose not to be. I am just not a fan of the crowd, the repeat stories, etc...
I am also 16 months sober. In the beginning, I was here ALL the time, I went to AA once a week and I found a hobby (painting) to ease my mind and meditate. I waited until I have comfortable enough with myself, my sobriety before being around people who are drinking.
I also will leave ANY situation that I am not comfortable in, period. I will also back out of plans if at moments beforehand I am feeling like this isn't a good idea, I will bail and I will be honest as to why. I have done this many times. My life, no one else's. If they do not understand, that is not my problem and I will reevaluate that relationship another time if I feel I need to. My mental health (sobriety) comes before all so nothing else has to suffer like my son, my job, finances, ME!
I was at a county fair on a date and he smelled so bad of beer that I gave it 25 mins before leaving... I don't like the smell and he was a dishonest person about his own consumption, that was a line I do not allow to be crossed.
I found what works for me.
You will find what works for you. Give it time, you are super fresh with a TON of emotions (maybe not) and other things going on.
Blessings,
DC
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
No, it's not always going to be this way. 
When you have more sober time, you'll find that you're not always thinking of drinking/not drinking.
Just because it's an effort now doesn't mean it will always be this way.
I would suggest adding gratitude to your recovery program. Practice gratitude every day and see if that improves things.
When you have more sober time, you'll find that you're not always thinking of drinking/not drinking. Just because it's an effort now doesn't mean it will always be this way.
I would suggest adding gratitude to your recovery program. Practice gratitude every day and see if that improves things.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 421
For me, no. It's gotten much easier with time.
I would white knuckle through the beginnings of sobriety, feeling the way you do. I'd think about drinking all the time, then talk myself out of drinking all the time. I'd get angry, and then want to use that as a reason to drink, and repeat. It was awful.
I can go weeks without thinking about drinking, or if I do, it's gone as quick as it was there.
It does get easier with time, and your resources you rely heavily on now won't be needed as much.
The way Dreamcatcher lined it out is very accurate for myself as well.
SR has been my stepping stones for sobriety. I used to spend hours a day here, reading and posting. Now I can check in briefly as my own personal reminder, to hopefully help somebody, and I'm back on my way.
I would white knuckle through the beginnings of sobriety, feeling the way you do. I'd think about drinking all the time, then talk myself out of drinking all the time. I'd get angry, and then want to use that as a reason to drink, and repeat. It was awful.
I can go weeks without thinking about drinking, or if I do, it's gone as quick as it was there.
It does get easier with time, and your resources you rely heavily on now won't be needed as much.
The way Dreamcatcher lined it out is very accurate for myself as well.
SR has been my stepping stones for sobriety. I used to spend hours a day here, reading and posting. Now I can check in briefly as my own personal reminder, to hopefully help somebody, and I'm back on my way.
Walk on
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by SaturatedSeize 
For me, no. It's gotten much easier with time.
I would white knuckle through the beginnings of sobriety, feeling the way you do. I'd think about drinking all the time, then talk myself out of drinking all the time. I'd get angry, and then want to use that as a reason to drink, and repeat. It was awful.
I can go weeks without thinking about drinking, or if I do, it's gone as quick as it was there.
It does get easier with time, and your resources you rely heavily on now won't be needed as much.
The way Dreamcatcher lined it out is very accurate for myself as well.
SR has been my stepping stones for sobriety. I used to spend hours a day here, reading and posting. Now I can check in briefly as my own personal reminder, to hopefully help somebody, and I'm back on my way.
I would white knuckle through the beginnings of sobriety, feeling the way you do. I'd think about drinking all the time, then talk myself out of drinking all the time. I'd get angry, and then want to use that as a reason to drink, and repeat. It was awful.
I can go weeks without thinking about drinking, or if I do, it's gone as quick as it was there.
It does get easier with time, and your resources you rely heavily on now won't be needed as much.
The way Dreamcatcher lined it out is very accurate for myself as well.
SR has been my stepping stones for sobriety. I used to spend hours a day here, reading and posting. Now I can check in briefly as my own personal reminder, to hopefully help somebody, and I'm back on my way.
I'm so glad to hear it gets easier.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Maybe you would find a program other than AA that would feel more suitable to you. I think it's important to find something you are comfortable with. And, maybe try to give AA a fair chance?
I haven't felt like I was running away from people who were drinking. But, I did find that I definitely did not want to spend time with people and activities, where drinking was the main purpose. I changed in early recovery and I changed some of the people and activities I was involved with.
I haven't felt like I was running away from people who were drinking. But, I did find that I definitely did not want to spend time with people and activities, where drinking was the main purpose. I changed in early recovery and I changed some of the people and activities I was involved with.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 221
I'm hoping we're able to get to a point of not running away because if not what kind of life would that be.
I've never been able to say no to a drink and I haven't been in the social situation yet when people are drinking around me and I'm sober. Definitely don't think I'm ready to deal with that yet.
I've never been able to say no to a drink and I haven't been in the social situation yet when people are drinking around me and I'm sober. Definitely don't think I'm ready to deal with that yet.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
That is a very tough situation, I don’t think I could get through. Could you plan an after work workout? Yoga class? Can’t drink and do yoga.... it’s like being invited for cake and you’re a diabetic or steak dinner after work and you’re a vegetarian. Many people have dietary issues and we have alcohol ones. I would avoid the Friday drinks or find a delicious mocktail. I also use the excuses, I’m not drinking till I reach my goal weight, I’m on antibiotics, I just feel sick every time I drink.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 449
Just as everyone else has said, still very early days for you if you were in rehab, you would be about quarter of the way through
You don't have to constantly read about alcohol now but maybe be a bit patient with staying on Friday's around alcohol at such an early stage? I mean there will be plenty more to come once you are ready, right?
if you were in rehab, you would be about quarter of the way through You don't have to constantly read about alcohol now
but maybe be a bit patient with staying on Friday's around alcohol at such an early stage? I mean there will be plenty more to come once you are ready, right?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I stayed away from alcohol for a long time until I was sure nothing or noone could sway me. Now I can be around drinkers - and I often have to be as a musician - and thoughts of drinking never enter my mind.
I had to work hard to get to this point tho and that took time and effort..
Even after all the hard work tho, I'm still not sure an after work free beers thing is something I'd want to be at.
Not running away, just offers me nothing based on how I now run my life
you're in very early recovery Hope - I think it's fine to make things easier for yourself until you get some of those 'sober muscles'
D
I had to work hard to get to this point tho and that took time and effort..
Even after all the hard work tho, I'm still not sure an after work free beers thing is something I'd want to be at.
Not running away, just offers me nothing based on how I now run my life
you're in very early recovery Hope - I think it's fine to make things easier for yourself until you get some of those 'sober muscles'
D
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