Trying something different
Walk on
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 68
Trying something different
Hey guys.
I'm a 29 year old male, I've drank alcohol heavily and smoked weed since I was 16, but for the last 3 and a half years it has become a serious problem.
I now realize I can't drink any alcohol or smoke any cannabis without triggering a binge. I've just finished a 2 week binge in which I'm now 5kg heavier. I wake up and even though my lungs feel disgusting I immediately roll a joint and smoke it before I've even gotten dressed. I'll then spend the day smoking and drinking and sleeping, maybe I will wake up at 4 or 5am by accident, in which case I'll just start smoking and drinking again.
I smoke a ridiculous amount of weed, to the point of no longer enjoying the joint but wanting to finish it any way so I'll force myself through any dry heaving or gagging. I got angry last night and threw all my weed and tobacco away in an my outside bin.... a few hours later I got it back out and smoked what was smokeable and not totally covered in bin food. Sounds disgusting but I needed to get stoned to relax and it was ALL i could think about. I spent the night smoking weed and drinking and I wasnt enjoying it but I still did it anyway because I knew otherwise I would have no peace.
I keep managing to quit for maybe 2 or 3 weeks max before I end up getting stressed and caving in to drink/smoke even though I know I shouldn't, then my eating habits, my hygeine and responsibility all go to hell. My most recent and successful sober period was 15 days, and at first I got a bottle of rum but emptied it into the sink knowing where drinking it would lead me, however the next day the stress continued and I ended up deciding I just wanted to feel "ok" for one night.... but one night turned into 2 weeks of non stop smoking from waking until sleeping coupled with alcohol.
This stuff never used to a problem, but now I find myself using drugs/alcohol at work when I really shouldn't (and its a miracle I have not been caught).
In the last 2 years my depression has really been getting to me, to the point of having to fight the urge my body felt to simply step in front of an incoming underground train.
I believe if I quit now I will last a few weeks but zi am terrified I will end up forgetting why I quit and just restart again with the logic "ok this time i will try to control it"
I am so sick of ruining my life and I want to quit more than anything, the last 3 years I consistently relapsed into a binge after 2 or 3 weeks max. I am really hoping having a support network like this forum will help me. I know now that a single joint or beer will ALWAYS result in me being heavily depressed, putting on weight and being embarassed/ashamed, smoking and drinking all day/night and neglecting all of my other responsibilities. I really do hate myself for being weak enough to binge again, I was on target and making it and then I had a tough day and threw in the towel.
I'm a 29 year old male, I've drank alcohol heavily and smoked weed since I was 16, but for the last 3 and a half years it has become a serious problem.
I now realize I can't drink any alcohol or smoke any cannabis without triggering a binge. I've just finished a 2 week binge in which I'm now 5kg heavier. I wake up and even though my lungs feel disgusting I immediately roll a joint and smoke it before I've even gotten dressed. I'll then spend the day smoking and drinking and sleeping, maybe I will wake up at 4 or 5am by accident, in which case I'll just start smoking and drinking again.
I smoke a ridiculous amount of weed, to the point of no longer enjoying the joint but wanting to finish it any way so I'll force myself through any dry heaving or gagging. I got angry last night and threw all my weed and tobacco away in an my outside bin.... a few hours later I got it back out and smoked what was smokeable and not totally covered in bin food. Sounds disgusting but I needed to get stoned to relax and it was ALL i could think about. I spent the night smoking weed and drinking and I wasnt enjoying it but I still did it anyway because I knew otherwise I would have no peace.
I keep managing to quit for maybe 2 or 3 weeks max before I end up getting stressed and caving in to drink/smoke even though I know I shouldn't, then my eating habits, my hygeine and responsibility all go to hell. My most recent and successful sober period was 15 days, and at first I got a bottle of rum but emptied it into the sink knowing where drinking it would lead me, however the next day the stress continued and I ended up deciding I just wanted to feel "ok" for one night.... but one night turned into 2 weeks of non stop smoking from waking until sleeping coupled with alcohol.
This stuff never used to a problem, but now I find myself using drugs/alcohol at work when I really shouldn't (and its a miracle I have not been caught).
In the last 2 years my depression has really been getting to me, to the point of having to fight the urge my body felt to simply step in front of an incoming underground train.
I believe if I quit now I will last a few weeks but zi am terrified I will end up forgetting why I quit and just restart again with the logic "ok this time i will try to control it"
I am so sick of ruining my life and I want to quit more than anything, the last 3 years I consistently relapsed into a binge after 2 or 3 weeks max. I am really hoping having a support network like this forum will help me. I know now that a single joint or beer will ALWAYS result in me being heavily depressed, putting on weight and being embarassed/ashamed, smoking and drinking all day/night and neglecting all of my other responsibilities. I really do hate myself for being weak enough to binge again, I was on target and making it and then I had a tough day and threw in the towel.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Welcome to SR Taooo, this is a great place for support and congratulations for making the decision to start working towards a better sober life for yourself, it’s hard but so worth it!
Have a look around and maybe check out the urge surfing info, getting a good plan in place with some tips and tools on what you will do when the craving hits is a good start. You could also join the class of January thread for others like yourself who have made the decision this month to give a sober life a shot!
One thing that was helpful for me early on was to write out all the bad things I could remember that I did while using, how it made me feel, the consequences I faced from using. I also wrote out how I felt deep down, I suffered with a lot of depression and anxiety from drinking too. It’s easy to forget a few weeks down the line how bad you felt and the old “I can moderate” or “just one won’t hurt” thoughts start to take over. I can then go back and re-read what I wrote and it gives me a boost of strength to keep on the right path.
Also, post as much as you want and need to, having others that understand and chew the fat with was invaluable to me in the first few months and I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for the support of the wonderful community here.
Great decision and look forward to reading more from you! x
Have a look around and maybe check out the urge surfing info, getting a good plan in place with some tips and tools on what you will do when the craving hits is a good start. You could also join the class of January thread for others like yourself who have made the decision this month to give a sober life a shot!
One thing that was helpful for me early on was to write out all the bad things I could remember that I did while using, how it made me feel, the consequences I faced from using. I also wrote out how I felt deep down, I suffered with a lot of depression and anxiety from drinking too. It’s easy to forget a few weeks down the line how bad you felt and the old “I can moderate” or “just one won’t hurt” thoughts start to take over. I can then go back and re-read what I wrote and it gives me a boost of strength to keep on the right path.
Also, post as much as you want and need to, having others that understand and chew the fat with was invaluable to me in the first few months and I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for the support of the wonderful community here.
Great decision and look forward to reading more from you! x
Walk on
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by MantaLady 
Welcome to SR Taooo, this is a great place for support and congratulations for making the decision to start working towards a better sober life for yourself, it’s hard but so worth it!
Have a look around and maybe check out the urge surfing info, getting a good plan in place with some tips and tools on what you will do when the craving hits is a good start. You could also join the class of January thread for others like yourself who have made the decision this month to give a sober life a shot!
One thing that was helpful for me early on was to write out all the bad things I could remember that I did while using, how it made me feel, the consequences I faced from using. I also wrote out how I felt deep down, I suffered with a lot of depression and anxiety from drinking too. It’s easy to forget a few weeks down the line how bad you felt and the old “I can moderate” or “just one won’t hurt” thoughts start to take over. I can then go back and re-read what I wrote and it gives me a boost of strength to keep on the right path.
Also, post as much as you want and need to, having others that understand and chew the fat with was invaluable to me in the first few months and I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for the support of the wonderful community here.
Great decision and look forward to reading more from you! x
Have a look around and maybe check out the urge surfing info, getting a good plan in place with some tips and tools on what you will do when the craving hits is a good start. You could also join the class of January thread for others like yourself who have made the decision this month to give a sober life a shot!
One thing that was helpful for me early on was to write out all the bad things I could remember that I did while using, how it made me feel, the consequences I faced from using. I also wrote out how I felt deep down, I suffered with a lot of depression and anxiety from drinking too. It’s easy to forget a few weeks down the line how bad you felt and the old “I can moderate” or “just one won’t hurt” thoughts start to take over. I can then go back and re-read what I wrote and it gives me a boost of strength to keep on the right path.
Also, post as much as you want and need to, having others that understand and chew the fat with was invaluable to me in the first few months and I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for the support of the wonderful community here.
Great decision and look forward to reading more from you! x
I feel like monday I will struggle as thats always the slowest most boring day of the week and always my day off work with my girlfriend. I was thinking of maybe going to try out a yoga class monday or do something to pass the time. The hardest times are the quietest times. I get bored incredibly easily and the things I used to enjoy for entertainment I now find boring. Nothing appeals unless I am stoned.
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