Notices

When the 2 pint catch up goes south!

Old 01-14-2019, 07:41 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 5
When the 2 pint catch up goes south!

I'm sure it's a very familiar scenario of the quick catch up with mates that leads to sillyness!

My biggest struggle is 95% of my friend circle is all on that vibe, it's almost impossible to pop out and have a pint without someone 'making the call' .... I m kind of at that stage where I feel sobriety is my only option! I'm weak!!

Has anyone on here managed to shift this unnecessary itch/habit without becoming a recluse?
Undrgd is offline  
Old 01-14-2019, 08:40 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I distanced myself from a lot of 'friends' when getting sober. Turns out a lot were only drinking buddies,as I had 'built' my life around my drinking(girlfriends included). I still have true/real friends that drink and a few drink too much,but our social interactions do not revolve solely around drink anymore.
DontRemember is offline  
Old 01-15-2019, 03:19 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 59
Welcome to SR

I had a couple years sober before a 3 year relapse and am back freshly on the wagon, so I'm not sure how useful my advice is, but I'll share anyway.

when I was in my 20s this was a big thing for me. Small town, nothing to do but drink. Consequently, all my social interactions were structured around the local pubs/drinking. Thursdays was the sports club, Fridays the rsl, Saturdays at the big pub, every other day at the little pub.

I quit once by just not leaving my house for a couple weeks and that caused some strife with a couple of my "close" friends (the two who were also alcoholics and using me to help justify their own behaviours, as I did to them, really). Once I started going out without drinking I found that the vast majority of people didn't care that I was sitting on a soda water. Country town, so they were happy as long as they were drinking.

Being sober around dunk people gets old quickly, though. I ended up leaving early or not going out and as a result ended up finding new people to hang out with, and new interests.

When I moved to the city I had a lot of friends who drank and it wasn't an issue at all that I didn't - they only knew me as a non drinker. I remember it being a kind of epiphany the first time I went out without drinking and realised that alcohol would not have improved the night in any way.
Torii is offline  
Old 01-15-2019, 03:28 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Originally Posted by Undrgd View Post
I'm sure it's a very familiar scenario of the quick catch up with mates that leads to sillyness!

My biggest struggle is 95% of my friend circle is all on that vibe, it's almost impossible to pop out and have a pint without someone 'making the call' .... I m kind of at that stage where I feel sobriety is my only option! I'm weak!!

Has anyone on here managed to shift this unnecessary itch/habit without becoming a recluse?
I had to completely change my circle of friends because my circle of friends drank and drugged like I did.

I'm not sure how many of them were actually friends tho - a few mates stuck by me and did the amazing thing of committing to not drinking around me, the rest drifted away.

I didn't sit at home like a recluse tho - I recommitted with old friends who I'd drifted away from when it became all about the drinking, and in time I made new friends who only knew me as a non drinker.

I avoided the pub and parties but I went on coffee dates, walks , picnics and movies, I went to art galleries and museums, I re-engaged in hobbies and interests I;d had before and I found new ones.

I call that process building up my sober muscles - no one starts lifting 300 pounds - you work up to it.

I probably put in a good 12 months of no alcohol related things in my life.

In time I found I was strong enough to hang around drinkers again - it was hard not to as a musician - but I don;t really enjoy doing that anymore unless I have to at a gig and then I tolerate it.

if a year sounds like an eternity consider I drank and drugged for nigh on 30 years...I think 12 months was a pretty good deal.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 01-15-2019, 05:29 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
The short answer to your question is yes. Freedom to do and go and be around people I truly like is a gift of my sobriety. I had to be willing to take the chance on an uncertain future in every way in order to see that there's no downside to living sober.

Are you ready to do what you need to do in order to get and stay sober? That's the real question, rather than what or who or where you are....those details, if you will, can get resolved once you decide what kind of life you want.

Best to you.
August252015 is offline  
Old 01-16-2019, 12:45 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 5
Thanks for your replies guys. I think for now I just need to avoid all social gatherings that involve the pub/club. Then from there I'll see if I can gradually re-introduce on a sober level.

1 thing I know is sobriety is the way forward for me. I've fallen into this habit of making some very poor decisions (drugs) when alcohol is involved.

I'll be keeping a good eye on this forum, particularly through any testing times I come across in my journey.
Undrgd is offline  
Old 01-16-2019, 04:59 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I think that's a solid thought process! I was what a lot of people might consider very conservative in how I approached the world, and as my dad would say "people, places and practices."

I didn't do much going out and about for about 100 days, except some meals with my parents and one trip with them to the beach for my 90 day weekend...started off w lunch and then dinner one on one with friends I knew were good for me, most of whom I was reconnecting with bc my drinking and choices led me far from them...took my first big out of town trip at 9 mo with my now husband - and we even made a couple of choices during that trip to leave a place w a long wait for dinner bc neither of us wanted to sit at the bar (he is in recovery too)....first party at 14 mo...wedding at 19....during the first two years was especially discerning about fam events... I CAN go anywhere and do anything now - but I have also learned that what I WANT to do is usually different than it was when I was drinking.

If you want to be sober permanently, like me, it was really important to make the next right choice which is often literal stuff early on, like not leaving the house at all! Anything that supports your choice not to drink.

It gets much easier, better- and a lot more fun. Hope you stick with us and build a solid, complete sober plan.
August252015 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:07 AM.