Too good to be true.....or don't question it?
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Too good to be true.....or don't question it?
Just something I'm wondering about in last few days.
I blocked ex on new year's day and haven't heard anything since and I feel good about it. Almost feels too good if you know what I mean. I've been addicted and obsessed with him for nearly a couple of years so how can I just stop like this and be ok?
I talked with s friend last night and she said it wasn't just what he did new year's Eve that finished it for me, that was just the final nail in a long drawn out coffin. It's been incremental.
Im questioning how easily and strongly I have quit him. Shouldn't I be in more sadness, more pain, more up and down, but I don't seem to be. I know sounds crazy! I seem to be.......ok. He's not occupying my thoughts anywhere near as much just every now and then, and when he does Crop up it just makes me angry.
I hope I'm not in denial or not dealing with things but I thought I'd throw it out there to see if this can be normal or others have experiencex this feeling of being done and meaning it! I know I have huge amounts of self worth work to do but that's for me now.
Been on a few dates also with a really kind person which has also helped take my mind off of him. This guy rarely drinks, can you believe it, and loves conversation, playing music and runs his own business.
Be interesting to hear your thoughts. Am I ok lol??? (Very codependent question).
I blocked ex on new year's day and haven't heard anything since and I feel good about it. Almost feels too good if you know what I mean. I've been addicted and obsessed with him for nearly a couple of years so how can I just stop like this and be ok?
I talked with s friend last night and she said it wasn't just what he did new year's Eve that finished it for me, that was just the final nail in a long drawn out coffin. It's been incremental.
Im questioning how easily and strongly I have quit him. Shouldn't I be in more sadness, more pain, more up and down, but I don't seem to be. I know sounds crazy! I seem to be.......ok. He's not occupying my thoughts anywhere near as much just every now and then, and when he does Crop up it just makes me angry.
I hope I'm not in denial or not dealing with things but I thought I'd throw it out there to see if this can be normal or others have experiencex this feeling of being done and meaning it! I know I have huge amounts of self worth work to do but that's for me now.
Been on a few dates also with a really kind person which has also helped take my mind off of him. This guy rarely drinks, can you believe it, and loves conversation, playing music and runs his own business.
Be interesting to hear your thoughts. Am I ok lol??? (Very codependent question).
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The day you stop wondering about it, will be the day you are over him. He is still occupying your thoughts; maybe not as much as before, but he's still there. The day you feel absolutely nothing...no questions, no sorrow, no anger, no anxiety...nothing, will be when you are truly done.
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Originally Posted by Glenjo99 
Am I ok lol??? (Very codependent question).
Thing is, this stuff isn't linear as you know. You have been angry at him before, is this different?
I only have 1 ex I have never spoken to again and never will (the narc). Don't want to, don't need to - just don't care.
Now, I went through anger in letting go of any good feelings about him, which I've mentioned before. First it was - omg should I stop talking to him (which I forced myself to do for my own good). I REALLY realized what an ass he was, he showed me and that could not be ignored. I then I started kind of forcing myself to be angry and that was tremendously helpful, to me. Eventually I dropped that when I realized it wasn't really serving a purpose anymore and I wasn't really feeling it, because I just didn't care anymore.
So when I say probably, that's why, if you have been feeling angry when thinking about him, I think that's a good step! Hang on to that, it seems like a normal reaction.
When you are done with it, then you can let it go and see how you feel. The difference this time is that your anger before was short-lived and you would go back to thinking how grand it was at times, I think you are past that from what you have said.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Probably?
Thing is, this stuff isn't linear as you know. You have been angry at him before, is this different?
I only have 1 ex I have never spoken to again and never will (the narc). Don't want to, don't need to - just don't care.
Now, I went through anger in letting go of any good feelings about him, which I've mentioned before. First it was - omg should I stop talking to him (which I forced myself to do for my own good). I REALLY realized what an ass he was, he showed me and that could not be ignored. I then I started kind of forcing myself to be angry and that was tremendously helpful, to me. Eventually I dropped that when I realized it wasn't really serving a purpose anymore and I wasn't really feeling it, because I just didn't care anymore.
So when I say probably, that's why, if you have been feeling angry when thinking about him, I think that's a good step! Hang on to that, it seems like a normal reaction.
When you are done with it, then you can let it go and see how you feel. The difference this time is that your anger before was short-lived and you would go back to thinking how grand it was at times, I think you are past that from what you have said.
Thing is, this stuff isn't linear as you know. You have been angry at him before, is this different?
I only have 1 ex I have never spoken to again and never will (the narc). Don't want to, don't need to - just don't care.
Now, I went through anger in letting go of any good feelings about him, which I've mentioned before. First it was - omg should I stop talking to him (which I forced myself to do for my own good). I REALLY realized what an ass he was, he showed me and that could not be ignored. I then I started kind of forcing myself to be angry and that was tremendously helpful, to me. Eventually I dropped that when I realized it wasn't really serving a purpose anymore and I wasn't really feeling it, because I just didn't care anymore.
So when I say probably, that's why, if you have been feeling angry when thinking about him, I think that's a good step! Hang on to that, it seems like a normal reaction.
When you are done with it, then you can let it go and see how you feel. The difference this time is that your anger before was short-lived and you would go back to thinking how grand it was at times, I think you are past that from what you have said.
For now I'll use it to move on and hopefully drop it as you say. That said when I'm not thinking about him I'm in pretty good spirits. However, this is not linear as is good to be reminded of.
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Originally Posted by suki44883
The day you stop wondering about it, will be the day you are over him. He is still occupying your thoughts; maybe not as much as before, but he's still there. The day you feel absolutely nothing...no questions, no sorrow, no anger, no anxiety...nothing, will be when you are truly done.
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Originally Posted by Mango212
Sounds like you're learning a lot of good things about law of attraction and enjoying good feelings. The rest will shake out.
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I'd say just go with it too! It sounds like you're focusing your thoughts and energy on more of what you want for yourself which is really positive.
Over the summer you did a lot of grieving - of course you were hopeful to hear from him too - but there was a lot of sorrow and sadness being expressed, and lots of self-reflection work being done... so it seems to me that you've now reached a point where you realise that exhausting thoughts and focussing on him no longer serves you.
So you're feeling more and more like your true you (someone who is self-confident and balanced) and so you're naturally attracting people who are similar.
I think any doubtful thinking that arises is just old habitual thoughts you've been so used to thinking in relation to him. And in time will wear off.
x
Over the summer you did a lot of grieving - of course you were hopeful to hear from him too - but there was a lot of sorrow and sadness being expressed, and lots of self-reflection work being done... so it seems to me that you've now reached a point where you realise that exhausting thoughts and focussing on him no longer serves you.
So you're feeling more and more like your true you (someone who is self-confident and balanced) and so you're naturally attracting people who are similar.
I think any doubtful thinking that arises is just old habitual thoughts you've been so used to thinking in relation to him. And in time will wear off.
x
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Originally Posted by alwayscovering
Don't question it and just go with it. I know when I'm done, I'm done. I tell people all the time "Please don't underestimate my ability to act like you don't exist."
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Originally Posted by Surfbee
I'd say just go with it too! It sounds like you're focusing your thoughts and energy on more of what you want for yourself which is really positive.
Over the summer you did a lot of grieving - of course you were hopeful to hear from him too - but there was a lot of sorrow and sadness being expressed, and lots of self-reflection work being done... so it seems to me that you've now reached a point where you realise that exhausting thoughts and focussing on him no longer serves you.
So you're feeling more and more like your true you (someone who is self-confident and balanced) and so you're naturally attracting people who are similar.
I think any doubtful thinking that arises is just old habitual thoughts you've been so used to thinking in relation to him. And in time will wear off.
x
Over the summer you did a lot of grieving - of course you were hopeful to hear from him too - but there was a lot of sorrow and sadness being expressed, and lots of self-reflection work being done... so it seems to me that you've now reached a point where you realise that exhausting thoughts and focussing on him no longer serves you.
So you're feeling more and more like your true you (someone who is self-confident and balanced) and so you're naturally attracting people who are similar.
I think any doubtful thinking that arises is just old habitual thoughts you've been so used to thinking in relation to him. And in time will wear off.
x
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Hi Glenjo,
As we gain awareness, the more fun this gets!
"The body heals with play, the mind heals with laughter, and the spirit heals with joy."
While I was at the airbnb vacation home in November I was naturally in my element and attracting people, places and energy that was absolutely wonderful. The resort area and local communities have a positive, healthy and very connected vision.
This cabin I'm at now is different. It has a much different energy with the landlord (confused, irritable, welcoming and changable), past lessons for me to learn from, and the communities around it, where my husband and I have lived and worked for many years. This area has been my home and I'm seeing it in new ways. What I've been attracting here has been wobbly. I'm meant to be here right now. More will be revealed.
As we gain awareness, the more fun this gets!
"The body heals with play, the mind heals with laughter, and the spirit heals with joy."
While I was at the airbnb vacation home in November I was naturally in my element and attracting people, places and energy that was absolutely wonderful. The resort area and local communities have a positive, healthy and very connected vision.
This cabin I'm at now is different. It has a much different energy with the landlord (confused, irritable, welcoming and changable), past lessons for me to learn from, and the communities around it, where my husband and I have lived and worked for many years. This area has been my home and I'm seeing it in new ways. What I've been attracting here has been wobbly. I'm meant to be here right now. More will be revealed.
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Yeah I think it’s probably not a bad thing that you are looking back at your history with him, and kind of wondering if the other shoe is going to drop or what. I’m with trailmix that anger can serve a person in this stage. I think it’s good to let yourself get pissed off that your boundaries were violated and you were treated badly. As long as a person isn’t stuffing the anger, or it’s not coming out sideways in a way that doesn’t serve you, anger can be your friend.
Eventually that tends to settle down, though. I think when that happens, 3 things that you are doing now are going to help you in the long run:
1. No contact
2. Working on/ exploring why you got involved with this unhealthy/ unbalanced person in the first place, and kept going back
3. Distracting yourself / focusing your energy on other things
Anyways, glad to hear you are doing okay and in a better place
Eventually that tends to settle down, though. I think when that happens, 3 things that you are doing now are going to help you in the long run:
1. No contact
2. Working on/ exploring why you got involved with this unhealthy/ unbalanced person in the first place, and kept going back
3. Distracting yourself / focusing your energy on other things
Anyways, glad to hear you are doing okay and in a better place
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Agree with pdm's plan
As I said in earlier thread, he's most likely not done trying to use you so don't be surprised if he tries to find a way around the block.
It's always worked before, so be ready and be very strong in repulsing any contact on his part--hope I am wrong, but doubt it.
Your new friend sounds much much nicer anyway
As I said in earlier thread, he's most likely not done trying to use you so don't be surprised if he tries to find a way around the block.
It's always worked before, so be ready and be very strong in repulsing any contact on his part--hope I am wrong, but doubt it.
Your new friend sounds much much nicer anyway
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One other thing, anger at yourself isn't helpful really and is horrible for your self esteem. So if you can let it go or replace it with something more positive (like oh well, that sucked, won't be doing that again!) that's probably better for you?
You know the other thing, things like dating nice people etc give you contentment you haven't had recently. Also i'm sure you spend time maybe going over, in your mind, a conversation with him or with a friend, what you might do next weekend etc. This is instead of worrying about the ex and his next move.
THAT is great, that is the key, that is why everyone encourages you to go out and do different things - it puts your focus on other things, fun things, what you might like to try, who you would like to include in a plan for an outing.
All good stuff.
You know the other thing, things like dating nice people etc give you contentment you haven't had recently. Also i'm sure you spend time maybe going over, in your mind, a conversation with him or with a friend, what you might do next weekend etc. This is instead of worrying about the ex and his next move.
THAT is great, that is the key, that is why everyone encourages you to go out and do different things - it puts your focus on other things, fun things, what you might like to try, who you would like to include in a plan for an outing.
All good stuff.
Life is good
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trailmix,
Thanks for the reminder on this! I have court stuff coming up and it's the same kind of thing. My fun thing today is washing my car by hand. Bubbles and taking off layers of mud from recent trips are great therapy.
Thanks for the reminder on this! I have court stuff coming up and it's the same kind of thing. My fun thing today is washing my car by hand. Bubbles and taking off layers of mud from recent trips are great therapy.
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For some people it takes a long time to learn the difference between working on a healthy relationship and wasting time on a long goodbye.
Sounds like you have experienced all the stages of grief associated with this person during the last few years and now you’ve reached acceptance.
Life doesn’t get better because you ignore reality, life gets better once you accept it.
Sounds like you have experienced all the stages of grief associated with this person during the last few years and now you’ve reached acceptance.
Life doesn’t get better because you ignore reality, life gets better once you accept it.
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Originally Posted by atalose
For some people it takes a long time to learn the difference between working on a healthy relationship and wasting time on a long goodbye.
Sounds like you have experienced all the stages of grief associated with this person during the last few years and now you’ve reached acceptance.
Life doesn’t get better because you ignore reality, life gets better once you accept it.
Sounds like you have experienced all the stages of grief associated with this person during the last few years and now you’ve reached acceptance.
Life doesn’t get better because you ignore reality, life gets better once you accept it.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
One other thing, anger at yourself isn't helpful really and is horrible for your self esteem. So if you can let it go or replace it with something more positive (like oh well, that sucked, won't be doing that again!) that's probably better for you?
You know the other thing, things like dating nice people etc give you contentment you haven't had recently. Also i'm sure you spend time maybe going over, in your mind, a conversation with him or with a friend, what you might do next weekend etc. This is instead of worrying about the ex and his next move.
THAT is great, that is the key, that is why everyone encourages you to go out and do different things - it puts your focus on other things, fun things, what you might like to try, who you would like to include in a plan for an outing.
All good stuff.
You know the other thing, things like dating nice people etc give you contentment you haven't had recently. Also i'm sure you spend time maybe going over, in your mind, a conversation with him or with a friend, what you might do next weekend etc. This is instead of worrying about the ex and his next move.
THAT is great, that is the key, that is why everyone encourages you to go out and do different things - it puts your focus on other things, fun things, what you might like to try, who you would like to include in a plan for an outing.
All good stuff.
Came back last night then to a date with my new friend. Really nice guy, who I can chat to and it is definately taking the focus off of the ex. He's the complete opposite. He is interested in my life. New focus.
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