Alcoholic Demands You Don't Talk to Anyone He Knows/knew
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Alcoholic Demands You Don't Talk to Anyone He Knows/knew
The alcoholic demands you don't talk to anyone he knows or knew. Take a message only even if the other party wants to talk
It actually started about a decade ago when he started the bankruptcy process not paying bills which had bill collectors calling any number ever associated with him. Said don't talk to them OK. Stop the darn phone from ringing then.
Then that morphed into some business acquaintances. Said everyone that needs his newer phone number has it. Recently he had a longtime old friend, not business acquaintance call. Had a brief conversation and took a message with the friend's new number. The alcoholic got violently upset I even picked up the phone and answered some short general questions. We knew the person because they were here with regularity 20 years ago for food, drink, tv etc. I would've talked to this person on phone or street. I would give them the time of day at least.
Anyway the alcoholic has not only been eluding bill collectors apparently this old friend is friends with people he's been trying to avoid(but lied when asked have you spoken to so and so lately) He screamed and lectured for first simply talking to him then went into a diatribe about those associated friends didn't take his side during a nasty break up and "rough" time in his life nor did they inquire or offer help/money. I knew he worked hard on his image in family and parted ways from certain friends but didn't realize how interconnected his old drinking buddies were. Apparently enough to pick up a phone a call around for him decades later.
I'm not going to tell someone I'm not supposed to talk you nor do I want to lie for him. I'm not going to pacify him and play dumb when someone (I know too) calls or show blind loyalty to a 'family' that frequently acts less than one.
The breathe of this tact/ probably is an indicator why he hasn't hit a full fledged bottom yet. He's working harder on image than a politician or celebrity at this point.
It actually started about a decade ago when he started the bankruptcy process not paying bills which had bill collectors calling any number ever associated with him. Said don't talk to them OK. Stop the darn phone from ringing then.
Then that morphed into some business acquaintances. Said everyone that needs his newer phone number has it. Recently he had a longtime old friend, not business acquaintance call. Had a brief conversation and took a message with the friend's new number. The alcoholic got violently upset I even picked up the phone and answered some short general questions. We knew the person because they were here with regularity 20 years ago for food, drink, tv etc. I would've talked to this person on phone or street. I would give them the time of day at least.
Anyway the alcoholic has not only been eluding bill collectors apparently this old friend is friends with people he's been trying to avoid(but lied when asked have you spoken to so and so lately) He screamed and lectured for first simply talking to him then went into a diatribe about those associated friends didn't take his side during a nasty break up and "rough" time in his life nor did they inquire or offer help/money. I knew he worked hard on his image in family and parted ways from certain friends but didn't realize how interconnected his old drinking buddies were. Apparently enough to pick up a phone a call around for him decades later.
I'm not going to tell someone I'm not supposed to talk you nor do I want to lie for him. I'm not going to pacify him and play dumb when someone (I know too) calls or show blind loyalty to a 'family' that frequently acts less than one.
The breathe of this tact/ probably is an indicator why he hasn't hit a full fledged bottom yet. He's working harder on image than a politician or celebrity at this point.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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That has to be hard. I admire you for wanting to stand up to him and not keep his problem, that he made, his dirty little secret.
But will you be safe? Is there any inkling that he might hurt you in any way, or make it so you have no transportation or money?
We know A's don't think rationally. That's an understatement isn't it? But if his celebrity image isn't protected, will he flip out?
Just throwing that out there and hoping you're safe.
But will you be safe? Is there any inkling that he might hurt you in any way, or make it so you have no transportation or money?
We know A's don't think rationally. That's an understatement isn't it? But if his celebrity image isn't protected, will he flip out?
Just throwing that out there and hoping you're safe.
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 184
Quest, I’m so sorry for what you are going through.
Someone on here, I think it was either Trailmix or DandyLion, once told me that “bottom” has many false bottoms. What would rock me to reconsider my life is not what would rock him to reconsider; we have different tolerance levels for the craziness. That was hard to get my head around because I am a rational person, watching the train wreck happen. He was just a train wreck without any thought, much less rational ones.
I understand that you don’t want to be a part of his lies and I don’t blame you. So don’t be. Don’t make excuses, you can take a message and say “I can take a message” but you can’t be responsible for what happens with that message—nor do you have to give it to him, all you are doing is taking a message.
Best to you.
Someone on here, I think it was either Trailmix or DandyLion, once told me that “bottom” has many false bottoms. What would rock me to reconsider my life is not what would rock him to reconsider; we have different tolerance levels for the craziness. That was hard to get my head around because I am a rational person, watching the train wreck happen. He was just a train wreck without any thought, much less rational ones.
I understand that you don’t want to be a part of his lies and I don’t blame you. So don’t be. Don’t make excuses, you can take a message and say “I can take a message” but you can’t be responsible for what happens with that message—nor do you have to give it to him, all you are doing is taking a message.
Best to you.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Well, congratulations to him for maintaining his fake image!
People can be odd can't they.
You know, it almost seems like something else is going on here. Is he paranoid generally? If his bankruptcy was 10 years ago, why is he avoiding calls now and who else does he owe money to now?
Anyway, personally? I'm not sure which phone these calls are going to but I would get rid of it (if you have a home phone for example). Then I would change my cell phone number and never answer a call for him again.
Anything short of that is enabling this whacky behaviour.
All that aside, how are you doing in all of this? You mentioned:
As this was going on, what was your response? In situations like this it is probably best to walk away IF it's safe to do so? Is he physically violent?
Also are you married? Are you liable for any of his debt?
People can be odd can't they.
You know, it almost seems like something else is going on here. Is he paranoid generally? If his bankruptcy was 10 years ago, why is he avoiding calls now and who else does he owe money to now?
Anyway, personally? I'm not sure which phone these calls are going to but I would get rid of it (if you have a home phone for example). Then I would change my cell phone number and never answer a call for him again.
Anything short of that is enabling this whacky behaviour.
All that aside, how are you doing in all of this? You mentioned:
He screamed and lectured for first simply talking to him then went into a diatribe about those associated friends
Also are you married? Are you liable for any of his debt?
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
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I paid our cell phone bill today, which included a late payment and a payment that was due towards the end of January. We work in realty and just got a big hit. (NOT bragging, but big....just to explain that there's no reason for what I'm about to type) AH told me to always run bills past him first . I said "It was due. Until you can explain to me how it doesn't make sense to pay your bills, then don't chastise me." He shut up.
Alcoholics love to make it look like they have all their **** together. You threw a light on the BS and the cockroaches scattered.
Alcoholics love to make it look like they have all their **** together. You threw a light on the BS and the cockroaches scattered.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Originally Posted by thequest 
The alcoholic demands you don't talk to anyone he knows or knew. Take a message only even if the other party wants to talk.
You don't have to keep someone else's secret. That would be enabling them, wouldn't it? It would also compromise your integrity. Don't be part of their "crazy".
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Join Date: May 2010
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If someone has an opinion or wants a say in a matter they are considered 'controlling' by the alcoholic yet that's what they want to do with anything even remotely associated with them.
One of the things the alkie did was talk about feeding the homeless but what he didn't talk about the community service requirements for his dui. If he gave or donated money it was involved in a business deal or for a favor. Conveniently he seems to have volunteered on holidays in the morning only but during that time period he frequently had stuff to take care he wouldn't talk about at all for several years.
All this image control is nothing but an extension of the time and money he spends on cosmetics/grooming products including prescriptions for appearance sake. Don't even want to get into the clothing choices which brags about if the subject comes up.
They say a cover up is frequently worse than the original offense. Especially if they get caught. This is one reason I can't believe he hasn't hit a life changing bottom. I just can't believe sooner or later the wrong person will see through or discover his lies and that will be it. Or perhaps they have since his circle of friends seems to change every couple of years.
One of the things the alkie did was talk about feeding the homeless but what he didn't talk about the community service requirements for his dui. If he gave or donated money it was involved in a business deal or for a favor. Conveniently he seems to have volunteered on holidays in the morning only but during that time period he frequently had stuff to take care he wouldn't talk about at all for several years.
All this image control is nothing but an extension of the time and money he spends on cosmetics/grooming products including prescriptions for appearance sake. Don't even want to get into the clothing choices which brags about if the subject comes up.
They say a cover up is frequently worse than the original offense. Especially if they get caught. This is one reason I can't believe he hasn't hit a life changing bottom. I just can't believe sooner or later the wrong person will see through or discover his lies and that will be it. Or perhaps they have since his circle of friends seems to change every couple of years.
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