Am I completely stupid or simple or something???
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Am I completely stupid or simple or something???
Realy..I realy start to think that I'm completely stupid or something..I've got all the suport I can imagine..And still I can't stay sober for a while..Yesterday my bf and I had an exhibition and man I had a real bad hangover becos I was drinking the night before (nothing extremely dramatic happened unless you call peein in the bed 
extremely dramatic)I think something in the back of my mind told to myself that becos I had to make a new sobrietydate becos of smoking the joints..I might as well have a drink becos I had too count all over becos of the joints...I told my bf a minute ago that I realy have to split up the dates and that even if I smoke one night in the month and use it for painting or something else creative that it would be O.K...I mean as long as I don't get in trouble and of 1 or 2 joints I don't..I only get in trouble when I smoke from dusk till dawn and that for a few months or longer..Then I realy got paranoid and my thoughts become full with anger..And in a way weed makes me nervous..Alcohol is defenetly my big problem..So last night after the exhibition my bf and I went for diner and I realy needed one last glass of wine becos the hangover was so bad and we didn't eat that much yesterday..WOOW I starded thinkin' bout the days on the couch with the Wiskey..the Gin (BWEEKS...but at least it is alcohol)and the Cointrue..And also bout when I was14:the fabulous Martinimonths..Martini with a lemon but mostly straight from the bottle..all those years I didn't even realise I was an alcoholic..I'm pretty slow in such things...even when people told me for years it wasn't until my 26th that I found out.But these days are different..Now that I know I can't handle the booz..Now I can work on it..I'll be glad to be at the java jive this afternoon to meet al those other problemchilds...Love from Stefanie 
extremely dramatic)I think something in the back of my mind told to myself that becos I had to make a new sobrietydate becos of smoking the joints..I might as well have a drink becos I had too count all over becos of the joints...I told my bf a minute ago that I realy have to split up the dates and that even if I smoke one night in the month and use it for painting or something else creative that it would be O.K...I mean as long as I don't get in trouble and of 1 or 2 joints I don't..I only get in trouble when I smoke from dusk till dawn and that for a few months or longer..Then I realy got paranoid and my thoughts become full with anger..And in a way weed makes me nervous..Alcohol is defenetly my big problem..So last night after the exhibition my bf and I went for diner and I realy needed one last glass of wine becos the hangover was so bad and we didn't eat that much yesterday..WOOW I starded thinkin' bout the days on the couch with the Wiskey..the Gin (BWEEKS...but at least it is alcohol)and the Cointrue..And also bout when I was14:the fabulous Martinimonths..Martini with a lemon but mostly straight from the bottle..all those years I didn't even realise I was an alcoholic..I'm pretty slow in such things...even when people told me for years it wasn't until my 26th that I found out.But these days are different..Now that I know I can't handle the booz..Now I can work on it..I'll be glad to be at the java jive this afternoon to meet al those other problemchilds...Love from Stefanie 
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Stefanie,
Acceptance and surrender is an all or nothing, one or zero, black or white proposition. Until you are really ready to do it, you will ALWAYS be able to find reason to take that first drink. Once you really surrender, there will NEVER be a valid reason to take that first drink.
One Love, One Heart, and Jah Bless
Acceptance and surrender is an all or nothing, one or zero, black or white proposition. Until you are really ready to do it, you will ALWAYS be able to find reason to take that first drink. Once you really surrender, there will NEVER be a valid reason to take that first drink.
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: I guess so.
Miyagi: [sighs] Daniel-san, must talk. Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Same here. You karate do "yes," or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Understand?
Daniel: Yeah, I understand.
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: Yeah, I'm ready.
You recover yes or you recover no, no you recover "sometimes". Ready?Daniel: I guess so.
Miyagi: [sighs] Daniel-san, must talk. Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Same here. You karate do "yes," or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Understand?
Daniel: Yeah, I understand.
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: Yeah, I'm ready.
One Love, One Heart, and Jah Bless
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Stefanie
Findingout is absolutely right. There are no half measures in our battle with alcohol.
Why put off until tomorrow, what you can do today?
If you really want to be sober grasp the bull by the horns and start now. You really can do this with all the support available.
Actions speak much louder than words.
Rich
Findingout is absolutely right. There are no half measures in our battle with alcohol.
Why put off until tomorrow, what you can do today?
If you really want to be sober grasp the bull by the horns and start now. You really can do this with all the support available.
Actions speak much louder than words.
Rich
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by findingout
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: I guess so.
Miyagi: [sighs] Daniel-san, must talk. Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Same here. You karate do "yes," or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Understand?
Daniel: Yeah, I understand.
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: Yeah, I'm ready.
Daniel: I guess so.
Miyagi: [sighs] Daniel-san, must talk. Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Same here. You karate do "yes," or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Understand?
Daniel: Yeah, I understand.
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: Yeah, I'm ready.
Read it again, Stephanie. And again. Read it until you GET it. There are no half measures in sobriety.
jojo
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Stefanie--You are not stupid. For some reason, though, you keep trying to hang on to the idea that you can smoke every once in a while or have a drink every now and then and that things will somehow be different. As others have said, "Half measures availed us nothing." You will get nowhere until you give yourself completely to recovery. I ask again, are you attending any meetings? Do you have a formalized means of face to face support? If not, then go out and get it. You CAN do this, if you truly want it!
Hugs--
Hugs--
Learning To Let It Be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 156
Originally Posted by findingout
Stefanie,
Acceptance and surrender is an all or nothing, one or zero, black or white proposition. Until you are really ready to do it, you will ALWAYS be able to find reason to take that first drink. Once you really surrender, there will NEVER be a valid reason to take that first drink.
One Love, One Heart, and Jah Bless
Acceptance and surrender is an all or nothing, one or zero, black or white proposition. Until you are really ready to do it, you will ALWAYS be able to find reason to take that first drink. Once you really surrender, there will NEVER be a valid reason to take that first drink.
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: I guess so.
Miyagi: [sighs] Daniel-san, must talk. Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Same here. You karate do "yes," or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Understand?
Daniel: Yeah, I understand.
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: Yeah, I'm ready.
You recover yes or you recover no, no you recover "sometimes". Ready?Daniel: I guess so.
Miyagi: [sighs] Daniel-san, must talk. Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Same here. You karate do "yes," or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Understand?
Daniel: Yeah, I understand.
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: Yeah, I'm ready.
One Love, One Heart, and Jah Bless
Read it again. Very well put findingout.
Or to quota Yoda -
'No try. Do or do not.'
You gotta ask yourself, 'how bad do I want it?'
'In the end only kindness matters.' - Jewel
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