First Post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 26
First Post
Hi all,
I spent a few hours reading threads yesterday. Yesterday, January 6 was Day 1 for me (again) to quit drinking. I am struggling to accept that I might be an alcoholic. Would like to hear comments.
I have never really been an every day drinker. Usually 4 or 5 days per week and some of those days involve only one or two drinks. But typically at least 2 times per week I would binge drink. Usually at home late at night after my wife and kids have gone to sleep. I might have 9-12 or so drinks. I've been drinking like this for almost 30 years and managed to have a pretty successful career and marriage.
I have quit drinking several times before on my own. Typically lasts less than 2 weeks. I don't get shakes or anything like that, but I do get very irritable starting around day 3 or so typically. Once I made it for 7 months without drinking. So I got overconfident and thought I could drink in moderation. Went right back to the old habits.
I have had several embarrassing incidents over the years, but have been pretty good at managing to minimize them. I am usually a happy drunk. More recently I have found that I am not as good as I used to be at stopping myself. Instead of drinking alone until 1 AM, it has started going on until 3 or 4 AM.
I want to quit drinking because I'm overweight and have fatty liver already. Would like to get healthier physically and be more attentive to my wife and kids. I have not been able to drink moderately for any length of time without going back to binge drinking.
Appreciate any comments. Thanks.
I spent a few hours reading threads yesterday. Yesterday, January 6 was Day 1 for me (again) to quit drinking. I am struggling to accept that I might be an alcoholic. Would like to hear comments.
I have never really been an every day drinker. Usually 4 or 5 days per week and some of those days involve only one or two drinks. But typically at least 2 times per week I would binge drink. Usually at home late at night after my wife and kids have gone to sleep. I might have 9-12 or so drinks. I've been drinking like this for almost 30 years and managed to have a pretty successful career and marriage.
I have quit drinking several times before on my own. Typically lasts less than 2 weeks. I don't get shakes or anything like that, but I do get very irritable starting around day 3 or so typically. Once I made it for 7 months without drinking. So I got overconfident and thought I could drink in moderation. Went right back to the old habits.
I have had several embarrassing incidents over the years, but have been pretty good at managing to minimize them. I am usually a happy drunk. More recently I have found that I am not as good as I used to be at stopping myself. Instead of drinking alone until 1 AM, it has started going on until 3 or 4 AM.
I want to quit drinking because I'm overweight and have fatty liver already. Would like to get healthier physically and be more attentive to my wife and kids. I have not been able to drink moderately for any length of time without going back to binge drinking.
Appreciate any comments. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 462
Welcome to SR Pete, this is a great place to get information and loads of support to help you stop drinking and stay stopped.
I'm really glad you've made the decision to try and stop and what better reason than being a more attentive husband and father
A really good place to start is making a plan that will allow you to have something to fall back on if the cravings start getting to you, being prepared is always a great thing.
Good luck and if you have any questions just ask
I'm really glad you've made the decision to try and stop and what better reason than being a more attentive husband and father
A really good place to start is making a plan that will allow you to have something to fall back on if the cravings start getting to you, being prepared is always a great thing.
Good luck and if you have any questions just ask
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Lots of people binge drink or drink only on weekends. Unfortunately over time most of them start drinking on Thursday or Monday and then Tuesday and Wednesday. Alcohol dependence is a progressive thing - so the sooner you quit the better. It doesn't really matter what you want to call it. I don't tell people outside of this site, "I'm an alcoholic," but I know that my relationship with alcohol is dangerous, unhealthy and bad for me - so I quit. I have no doubt that my past drinking qualifies me for the label - I just don't choose to put it out there in every day life.
If drinking is causing problems, the solution is to stop drinking.
Welcome to the site. I hope you've had your last drink. It's so much better on the sober side.
Here's an article about Kindling, you may find it interesting, it specifically references the increasingly dangerous after-effects of binge drinking.
https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicati...22-1/25-34.pdf
If drinking is causing problems, the solution is to stop drinking.
Welcome to the site. I hope you've had your last drink. It's so much better on the sober side.
Here's an article about Kindling, you may find it interesting, it specifically references the increasingly dangerous after-effects of binge drinking.
https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicati...22-1/25-34.pdf
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome.
I don't know if you are an alcoholic. But it seems you can't stay quit. Isn't that a big enough problem without quibbling over labels?
Accept it's time to quit drinking and do whatever it takes to stay quit.
Can you do that?
Originally Posted by PeteGibbons 
I am struggling to accept that I might be an alcoholic.
Accept it's time to quit drinking and do whatever it takes to stay quit.
Can you do that?
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
In my humble opinion, does it really matter what you call it? Alcoholism, alcohol abuse? Something else? You’re here, you’re posting and it sounds like you’ll reap many benefits from stopping. People here are more than ready to support you.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Tyne and Wear, UK
Posts: 1,538
Welcome to SR Pete.
I find that if you find yourself considering alcohol may be a problem, it probably is.
Sadly, I was the last person to realise I had a drinking problem.
You'll find a lot of like minded people here who are going through the same situation and are at different stages. Everyone is very friendly and supportive.
Best of luck in your journey.
I find that if you find yourself considering alcohol may be a problem, it probably is.
Sadly, I was the last person to realise I had a drinking problem.
You'll find a lot of like minded people here who are going through the same situation and are at different stages. Everyone is very friendly and supportive.
Best of luck in your journey.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Was going to say a lot of the things Biminiblue already said.
For years, my drinking pattern was a lot like yours, Pete. I could drink one or two some days, none on others, with occasional binges. I could go days or weeks with nothing. But as time went on, the drinking gradually increased. The binges got worse. One or two on "light" days became 2-3. Then 3-4. Binges became all-day events, sometimes 2 days. I could still go a day or two with nothing, and I'd pat myself on the back on those days and tell myself I wasn't an alcoholic, because "real" alcoholics drink every day and have all sorts of problems, right?
Well, eventually I did have lots of problems, as a direct result of drinking. Even though I could still go some days without drinking, and could still limit myself to only a couple on some days. The consequences really started to pile up, and I had the dawning realization that I had gone pretty far down the rabbit hole, almost without noticing.
Still didn't want to call myself an alcoholic. Still in denial. It took some pretty dire consequences to convince me that, "real" alcoholic or not, I needed to quit. I knew that my relationship with alcohol was really really unhealthy, and that it was slowly robbing me of my life.
You don't have to give yourself any label you are not comfortable with. You don't have to hit a rock bottom. You just need to realize that this thing is progressive, and things will probably only get worse as time goes on. And then you have to decide whether it's worth the risk. For me, it was not. I barely enjoyed drinking by the time I quit. The enjoyment was fleeting, and the bad feelings it gave me far outweighed any enjoyment. Why would I keep doing that to myself?
You are the only one who can decide for yourself whether or not to quit. Don't get hung up on labels.
For years, my drinking pattern was a lot like yours, Pete. I could drink one or two some days, none on others, with occasional binges. I could go days or weeks with nothing. But as time went on, the drinking gradually increased. The binges got worse. One or two on "light" days became 2-3. Then 3-4. Binges became all-day events, sometimes 2 days. I could still go a day or two with nothing, and I'd pat myself on the back on those days and tell myself I wasn't an alcoholic, because "real" alcoholics drink every day and have all sorts of problems, right?
Well, eventually I did have lots of problems, as a direct result of drinking. Even though I could still go some days without drinking, and could still limit myself to only a couple on some days. The consequences really started to pile up, and I had the dawning realization that I had gone pretty far down the rabbit hole, almost without noticing.
Still didn't want to call myself an alcoholic. Still in denial. It took some pretty dire consequences to convince me that, "real" alcoholic or not, I needed to quit. I knew that my relationship with alcohol was really really unhealthy, and that it was slowly robbing me of my life.
You don't have to give yourself any label you are not comfortable with. You don't have to hit a rock bottom. You just need to realize that this thing is progressive, and things will probably only get worse as time goes on. And then you have to decide whether it's worth the risk. For me, it was not. I barely enjoyed drinking by the time I quit. The enjoyment was fleeting, and the bad feelings it gave me far outweighed any enjoyment. Why would I keep doing that to myself?
You are the only one who can decide for yourself whether or not to quit. Don't get hung up on labels.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I don't care about labels and I tend to think splitting hairs on who is or isn't an alcoholic is just a way to keep drinking and ruining, even in small measures, a life.
I was much like you, family, profession, etc, and hiding drinks that got harder and harder to stop and to hide. Of course things progressed and I began to drink more and more, time between binges got less, the booze and the deceit and the pain got more.
I was living a half life. I was lying to everyone I loved, and most importantly was lying to myself. Much like you.
Nothing good can come of your drinking. Nothing. Only further harm, hiding and shame. Perhaps something very bad, rather than as you say embarrassing, will happen before you quit, to set you straight. I hope not.
My wife, my kids, my family, my career, and, again, most importantly, I deserved better than to sacrifice my life to the poison.
Good job on coming here and sharing. Hope you can find the way to sobriety before it's too late. There's a better life waiting for you.
I was much like you, family, profession, etc, and hiding drinks that got harder and harder to stop and to hide. Of course things progressed and I began to drink more and more, time between binges got less, the booze and the deceit and the pain got more.
I was living a half life. I was lying to everyone I loved, and most importantly was lying to myself. Much like you.
Nothing good can come of your drinking. Nothing. Only further harm, hiding and shame. Perhaps something very bad, rather than as you say embarrassing, will happen before you quit, to set you straight. I hope not.
My wife, my kids, my family, my career, and, again, most importantly, I deserved better than to sacrifice my life to the poison.
Good job on coming here and sharing. Hope you can find the way to sobriety before it's too late. There's a better life waiting for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
Pete,
Welcome to SR! Your story sounds a lot like mine, so I wanted to add some of my thoughts:
- like others have already mentioned, don’t concern yourself too much with the label ‘alcoholic’. What’s important is that if you feel that alcohol is turning into a major problem, you should probably quit.
- as you’ve already experienced, this disease is progressive: you used to drink until 1 am, now it’s 3-4 am. If you don’t have the occasional blackout already, I bet you that that’s next on the list - at least it was for me. You wake up at 5 am with the lights on everywhere and sneak into bed, hoping your wife doesn’t wake up, because of the explaining you’ll have to do!
- drinking ‘moderately? Forget it - many of us have tried here on SR and we all have failed. You binge, so it’s about getting wasted, what would you do with a drink or two?
Quit and you’ll see that all the heartache and anxiety will go away, giving you a chance to life a peaceful and quiet life. Give it a try!
Welcome to SR! Your story sounds a lot like mine, so I wanted to add some of my thoughts:
- like others have already mentioned, don’t concern yourself too much with the label ‘alcoholic’. What’s important is that if you feel that alcohol is turning into a major problem, you should probably quit.
- as you’ve already experienced, this disease is progressive: you used to drink until 1 am, now it’s 3-4 am. If you don’t have the occasional blackout already, I bet you that that’s next on the list - at least it was for me. You wake up at 5 am with the lights on everywhere and sneak into bed, hoping your wife doesn’t wake up, because of the explaining you’ll have to do!
- drinking ‘moderately? Forget it - many of us have tried here on SR and we all have failed. You binge, so it’s about getting wasted, what would you do with a drink or two?
Quit and you’ll see that all the heartache and anxiety will go away, giving you a chance to life a peaceful and quiet life. Give it a try!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
As many have said - the label is absolutely irrelevant.
You have a fatty liver and you're posting on SR. You have already answered the most important questions of all:
Am I unhappy with my drinking?
Do I want to quit?
Is this making me ill?
Your answer to all of those is "yes"
Welcome to SR brother.
JT
You have a fatty liver and you're posting on SR. You have already answered the most important questions of all:
Am I unhappy with my drinking?
Do I want to quit?
Is this making me ill?
Your answer to all of those is "yes"
Welcome to SR brother.
JT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 26
Really appreciate all the replies and encouragement. I am happy to hear that the consensus seems to be that accepting the label of "alcoholic" might not really be that important. I guess I thought it was more important because I had read that Step 1 to quitting was fully admitting/accepting that you are an alcoholic.
I read the paper about Kindling that was posted above. Interesting and I think it could possibly contribute to some increased anxiety or irritability that I seem to feel more often in recent years when sober.
I read the paper about Kindling that was posted above. Interesting and I think it could possibly contribute to some increased anxiety or irritability that I seem to feel more often in recent years when sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by PeteGibbons
Really appreciate all the replies and encouragement. I am happy to hear that the consensus seems to be that accepting the label of "alcoholic" might not really be that important. I guess I thought it was more important because I had read that Step 1 to quitting was fully admitting/accepting that you are an alcoholic.
I read the paper about Kindling that was posted above. Interesting and I think it could possibly contribute to some increased anxiety or irritability that I seem to feel more often in recent years when sober.
I read the paper about Kindling that was posted above. Interesting and I think it could possibly contribute to some increased anxiety or irritability that I seem to feel more often in recent years when sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by lessgravity
In terms of acceptance, the only question to me is have you accepted the fact that you can no longer drink, anymore, at all?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by lessgravity
In terms of acceptance, the only question to me is have you accepted the fact that you can no longer drink, anymore, at all?
Originally Posted by PeteGibbons
Honestly, this is a difficult question for me to answer. I can easily and readily accept that I need to quit drinking "for a season". I am still struggling with the accepting the "forever" part.
However this does change slowly and over time. I have had a few stints at sobriety and the thought of "forever" doesn't daunt me quite as much. It still seems kind of impossible in some ways but I am literally so sick and utterly tired of what alcohol has done to my life that the prospect of more booze just seems like an exercise in the most extreme masochistic endeavour in the destruction of soul, spirit and body.
I think the mantras "one day at a time" and "I will not drink TODAY" are probably better ways to start out for many?
Note - I'm going to get a plethora of members come out of the woodwork and say "only when I fully accepted that I could never drink again did I......"
But there are also many, many members on here (and I can name them) that said the prospect of forever seemed impossible at the start and now they have years of sobriety under their belt.
Either mental starting point can lead to ever-lasting sobriety.
Good luck Pete. Everyone here just wants the best for you (and us!)
JT
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Originally Posted by PeteGibbons
Really appreciate all the replies and encouragement. I am happy to hear that the consensus seems to be that accepting the label of "alcoholic" might not really be that important. I guess I thought it was more important because I had read that Step 1 to quitting was fully admitting/accepting that you are an alcoholic.
I read the paper about Kindling that was posted above. Interesting and I think it could possibly contribute to some increased anxiety or irritability that I seem to feel more often in recent years when sober.
I read the paper about Kindling that was posted above. Interesting and I think it could possibly contribute to some increased anxiety or irritability that I seem to feel more often in recent years when sober.
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Note that it does NOT say we admit to being an "alcoholic."
Can you stop drinking once you've had 2 or 3? Are you able to stop drinking when faced with negative consequences?
My power over alcohol extends to not taking that first sip. And I have used that fact to define myself as a non-drinker and be done with it.
You mentioned that you feel you need to stop drinking "for a season," What is a season? 90 days?
That would be a start. Stop for 90 days. Then see how you feel. I went from "I'll stop drinking while I'm in rehab" to "I'll stop for a few weeks after" to "I'll stop for 90 days after" to "I don't drink anymore." This over the span of about a month.
Try making four lists:
The pros of drinking
The cons of drinking
The pros of not drinking
The cons of not drinking
What do you notice about these lists?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by JustTony
I think that this is a typical and natural exchange between someone that has been sober a while and someone like me and Pete that are at the beginning of our journey. "Forever" is just too much for a lot of 'new' people to accept - and in my view can be unhelpful to some when starting out. "Forever" can overwhelm to the extent that some might think "Why bother at all? I'll never make it forever"
However this does change slowly and over time. I have had a few stints at sobriety and the thought of "forever" doesn't daunt me quite as much. It still seems kind of impossible in some ways but I am literally so sick and utterly tired of what alcohol has done to my life that the prospect of more booze just seems like an exercise in the most extreme masochistic endeavour in the destruction of soul, spirit and body.
I think the mantras "one day at a time" and "I will not drink TODAY" are probably better ways to start out for many?
Note - I'm going to get a plethora of members come out of the woodwork and say "only when I fully accepted that I could never drink again did I......"
But there are also many, many members on here (and I can name them) that said the prospect of forever seemed impossible at the start and now they have years of sobriety under their belt.
Either mental starting point can lead to ever-lasting sobriety.
Good luck Pete. Everyone here just wants the best for you (and us!)
JT
However this does change slowly and over time. I have had a few stints at sobriety and the thought of "forever" doesn't daunt me quite as much. It still seems kind of impossible in some ways but I am literally so sick and utterly tired of what alcohol has done to my life that the prospect of more booze just seems like an exercise in the most extreme masochistic endeavour in the destruction of soul, spirit and body.
I think the mantras "one day at a time" and "I will not drink TODAY" are probably better ways to start out for many?
Note - I'm going to get a plethora of members come out of the woodwork and say "only when I fully accepted that I could never drink again did I......"
But there are also many, many members on here (and I can name them) that said the prospect of forever seemed impossible at the start and now they have years of sobriety under their belt.
Either mental starting point can lead to ever-lasting sobriety.
Good luck Pete. Everyone here just wants the best for you (and us!)
JT
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Pete - lots of good advice here already
I think it's easy to get hung up on the label - there's a lot of cultural baggage that comes with the A word - but clearly it would be good for you to stop drinking - and you've found that difficult.
I think you'll find a lot of fellow travellers here and you'll get a lot out this community.
I nearly killed myself drinking and even then I struggled with the idea of not drinking forever.
Just not drinking today helped me - I reckoned I could do that - and I did - day after day.
Eventually with a long string of days behind me forever was not so scary
welcome aboard Pete
D
I think it's easy to get hung up on the label - there's a lot of cultural baggage that comes with the A word - but clearly it would be good for you to stop drinking - and you've found that difficult.
I think you'll find a lot of fellow travellers here and you'll get a lot out this community.
I nearly killed myself drinking and even then I struggled with the idea of not drinking forever.
Just not drinking today helped me - I reckoned I could do that - and I did - day after day.
Eventually with a long string of days behind me forever was not so scary
welcome aboard Pete
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
