Return after a Long Hiatus: Day 4
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 80
Return after a Long Hiatus: Day 4
I first posted here about 8 years ago knowing I needed to quit drinking. Eight years later, I am now on another day 4(Probably my 5th).
About two years ago, I found myself in a similar place, and was able to achieve 90 days of sobriety. Along with working with a personal trainer at a local gym, I started to feel better and better, not to mention fitter and stronger than I had been in my whole life. Unfortunately, on day 91, I had a stress trigger that I succumbed to and drank again. The irony is that I didn’t even like it – it smelled and tasted like poison, but I kept drinking anyway.
My ritual with alcohol began around 5:30 pm, starting with two beers, moving onto wine. LOTS of wine, like 2-3 bottles a night. Basically, I drank till I passed out. Honestly, I’m not sure how I’m even alive with the level of alcohol I have consumed over the last twenty years or so.
On December 31st, I decided that would be my last night of drinking. My wife and I spent New Year ’s Eve with a close friend of mine, who is nowhere near as far down the rabbit hole as I am, that felt he was crossing a line into alcoholic addiction, and felt it was time to stop. He was concerned about his own predisposition to alcoholism as he had a number of relatives that were alcoholics. I shared where I was at, which was that I had crossed the line into addiction a long time ago, and due to the progressive nature of alcoholism, every relapse got worse. My friend asked me if I would be open to a daily check in over the next 30 days. I happily agreed, as the timing couldn’t be better –serendipitous timing, indeed.
The past 6 years, alcohol has taken over more and more parts of my life. I gradually became more and more isolated, and this time around, I began to see the carnage alcohol had taken on many aspects of my life. No, I’ve had no DUI’s, haven’t treated family or friends destructively, but things that used to give me joy like playing music, spending time in nature, reading books, eating and cooking great food, connecting with those close to me all took a back seat to my nightly 5:30 ritual, that invariably led to drinking till I passed out pretty much every night.
Fast forward to January 1, 2019, I experienced the absolute worst withdrawal symptoms I could have imagined – heart palpitations, periodic audio hallucinations, shakes, feeling like I had the chills, and a never ending, ever tortuous tape playing in my head that I simply can’t describe except to say I wanted to jump out of my skin. It was SO awful, I felt like I wanted to die. This was a huge turning point for me – I realized the progressive nature of alcoholism and saw that if I didn’t stop, my drinking would most certainly kill me. Is that how I want the story of my life to end when I have so much to yet experience in this world and so much to live for?
I’ve been actively reading on this particular sub-forum for about a month now. I saw this thread a few nights ago that really helped pull a lot together for me:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ible-care.html (Treat yourself like someone you are responsible to care for)
Dee’s subsequent post with a link to an online article made it even more powerful:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/7090614-post4.html (Treat yourself like someone you are responsible to care for)
I was thinking the other day wondering how many lives have been indirectly saved by the many members of this forum who have contributed their strength, wisdom, and encouragement to those like me who are beginning again.
I have a pretty well mapped out recovery plan, which includes reading here every day, as well as posting when appropriately, not just to check in but to offer support to others as well.
Thanks to all for reading!
P.S. I am not drinking today.
About two years ago, I found myself in a similar place, and was able to achieve 90 days of sobriety. Along with working with a personal trainer at a local gym, I started to feel better and better, not to mention fitter and stronger than I had been in my whole life. Unfortunately, on day 91, I had a stress trigger that I succumbed to and drank again. The irony is that I didn’t even like it – it smelled and tasted like poison, but I kept drinking anyway.
My ritual with alcohol began around 5:30 pm, starting with two beers, moving onto wine. LOTS of wine, like 2-3 bottles a night. Basically, I drank till I passed out. Honestly, I’m not sure how I’m even alive with the level of alcohol I have consumed over the last twenty years or so.
On December 31st, I decided that would be my last night of drinking. My wife and I spent New Year ’s Eve with a close friend of mine, who is nowhere near as far down the rabbit hole as I am, that felt he was crossing a line into alcoholic addiction, and felt it was time to stop. He was concerned about his own predisposition to alcoholism as he had a number of relatives that were alcoholics. I shared where I was at, which was that I had crossed the line into addiction a long time ago, and due to the progressive nature of alcoholism, every relapse got worse. My friend asked me if I would be open to a daily check in over the next 30 days. I happily agreed, as the timing couldn’t be better –serendipitous timing, indeed.
The past 6 years, alcohol has taken over more and more parts of my life. I gradually became more and more isolated, and this time around, I began to see the carnage alcohol had taken on many aspects of my life. No, I’ve had no DUI’s, haven’t treated family or friends destructively, but things that used to give me joy like playing music, spending time in nature, reading books, eating and cooking great food, connecting with those close to me all took a back seat to my nightly 5:30 ritual, that invariably led to drinking till I passed out pretty much every night.
Fast forward to January 1, 2019, I experienced the absolute worst withdrawal symptoms I could have imagined – heart palpitations, periodic audio hallucinations, shakes, feeling like I had the chills, and a never ending, ever tortuous tape playing in my head that I simply can’t describe except to say I wanted to jump out of my skin. It was SO awful, I felt like I wanted to die. This was a huge turning point for me – I realized the progressive nature of alcoholism and saw that if I didn’t stop, my drinking would most certainly kill me. Is that how I want the story of my life to end when I have so much to yet experience in this world and so much to live for?
I’ve been actively reading on this particular sub-forum for about a month now. I saw this thread a few nights ago that really helped pull a lot together for me:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ible-care.html (Treat yourself like someone you are responsible to care for)
Dee’s subsequent post with a link to an online article made it even more powerful:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/7090614-post4.html (Treat yourself like someone you are responsible to care for)
I was thinking the other day wondering how many lives have been indirectly saved by the many members of this forum who have contributed their strength, wisdom, and encouragement to those like me who are beginning again.
I have a pretty well mapped out recovery plan, which includes reading here every day, as well as posting when appropriately, not just to check in but to offer support to others as well.
Thanks to all for reading!
P.S. I am not drinking today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 108
My ritual began and ended the same exact way, with the same consequences. Nine plus months later I've never been happier. SR didn't help me quit, but has kept me sober. The things I've learned here have helped me immensely. Hope it does the same for you. You got this.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
Originally Posted by TacoDude 
I was thinking the other day wondering how many lives have been indirectly saved by the many members of this forum who have contributed their strength, wisdom, and encouragement to those like me who are beginning again. .
.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Nice to meet you TD. That one's thread you mention (that Dee of course contributed in even a greater degree to), was started by me. I too had to quit drinking and am almost 9 months sober. I'm done with drinking for the rest of my life. I'm also married and, by the skin of my teeth, never ended up in jail or with the kind of irreversible damage that easily could have come with the ways in which I was drinking for so many years. There's lots of resources on this site. There's so much wisdom and support. Wishing you the best I'm looking forward to sharing in your path to sobriety.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by lessgravity
Nice to meet you TD. That one's thread you mention (that Dee of course contributed in even a greater degree to), was started by me. I too had to quit drinking and am almost 9 months sober. I'm done with drinking for the rest of my life. I'm also married and, by the skin of my teeth, never ended up in jail or with the kind of irreversible damage that easily could have come with the ways in which I was drinking for so many years. There's lots of resources on this site. There's so much wisdom and support. Wishing you the best I'm looking forward to sharing in your path to sobriety.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
Taco Dude, I gotta tell you that every time I see your name, I get hungry for tacos. And I love your avatar too. 
I got sober with help from weekly counseling sessions, and daily visits to SR. I still come here, to help those who are struggling, and to remind myself of where I'd go back to if I drank again.
Glad you're back!
And I love your avatar too. I got sober with help from weekly counseling sessions, and daily visits to SR. I still come here, to help those who are struggling, and to remind myself of where I'd go back to if I drank again.
Glad you're back!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 125
Welcome back, TacoDude Your post definitely resonated with me. I had lurked here for probably the better part of a decade, posting a couple of times, before I quit for good a little over a year ago. I also didn't have any huge misfortunes as a result of my drinking (DUIs, etc) but seemingly a thousand little ones - like you, growing isolation, alienation from hobbies and passions, a growing sense of personal purposelessness amidst my cycle of binging. I hope this is the time you are able to quit for good - it's amazing how much better things get once you get out from under the yoke of the booze. You CAN get off this hamster wheel. We're all rooting for you
Your post definitely resonated with me. I had lurked here for probably the better part of a decade, posting a couple of times, before I quit for good a little over a year ago. I also didn't have any huge misfortunes as a result of my drinking (DUIs, etc) but seemingly a thousand little ones - like you, growing isolation, alienation from hobbies and passions, a growing sense of personal purposelessness amidst my cycle of binging. I hope this is the time you are able to quit for good - it's amazing how much better things get once you get out from under the yoke of the booze. You CAN get off this hamster wheel. We're all rooting for you Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 59
TD you've pretty much described my experience, though on Saturdays the drinking started straight after coffee (it's 5.30 somewhere, right?).
I'm also right at the beginning, on day 5. I'm planning to try and check in here daily, I'll keep an eye out for you I've posted in the class of January 19 thread on the new comers section.
I'm also right at the beginning, on day 5. I'm planning to try and check in here daily, I'll keep an eye out for you
I've posted in the class of January 19 thread on the new comers section.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Your drinking sounds identical to mine.
Would be great to see you in the January Class?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html
Would be great to see you in the January Class?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by JustTony
Your drinking sounds identical to mine.
Would be great to see you in the January Class?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html
Would be great to see you in the January Class?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html
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