Hechosedrugs

This is literally the reason he gave in his motion.

"Since our stipulated agreement I have taken over 12 hair follicle drug tests and can't pass a single one. However, I have continued to pass my VA urine drug tests" (which aren't random or witness collected).

The whole reason the drug tests are via hair follicle is because he refused to acknowledge that several positive urine drug tests were correct.

He continues:

"The supervised visits have been going well."

Ummmm.... he missed 5 straight months of them, and since that time visits have generally been one week on, one week off.

"Hair follicle tests and supervised visits are expensive, and make me unable to pay child support".

Well, he hasn't paid for a SINGLE hair follicle test. He's court-ordered to reimburse me, but hasn't. And he paid ZERO child support for 8 months straight, 5 months of which he wasn't exercising visitation.

Please, judge, please see it now. This is absolute madness.

Also, I was never served. I literally found out about this because every once in a while I call the courthouse to see if his crazy a$$ has filed a new frivolous motion, because THAT'S WHAT HE DOES. And apparently my attorney was served by his attorney? Well, I kind of doubt that because we've been in communication since the "proof of service" and this never came up. But either way, she's not answering phone calls, texts, or emails (as per usual).

I called a domestic violence hotline, and, I don't know. The representative didn't seem to "get" legal abuse. I mean, I had a court date in August, October, November, I've now got one coming up in January (as well as mediation)... I'm worried I might lose my job. I wish my attorney would get back to me. She sometimes takes days and we need to act quickly if I'm going to file a response.

Thanks for listening

OpheliaKatz

I'm going to get in trouble for saying this cause it's totally mean: every time I read an update from you, I wish your ex would... disappear (I said something meaner, but I edited it, cause... not helpful). Yes, it's better to wish that he would recover, but I think there's something in him that's more than just addiction. He sounds... like a narcissist who has nothing better to do than to prolong the drama. He doesn't seem remotely interested in his kid (kids?). I think he just wants to keep harassing you.

The DV services doesn't "get" legal abuse? What kind of idiot service doesn't know that abusers won't use the court system to abuse their exes? This is emotional abuse, financial abuse... do they know that? If you're at risk of losing your job, that's financial abuse. He really doesn't want you to move on with your life and is doing as much as he can to keep you down... and this is the only way he knows how to do it and still drink.

I am sorry you are going through this. Is this the same lawyer you've had all along?

hopeful4

Ugh. He is a piece of work like nothing I have ever experienced. I would think this would be a slam dunk case for any attorney with half a brain.

Sending you HUGE hugs friend!

Hechosedrugs

Well, she's my fourth lawyer. I don't know why attorneys all suck around here. I really would have rather chosen someone else, but I figured moving on to a fifth lawyer would only make me look crazy. She's good in the courtroom but other than that she can be downright awful. So many delays, always procrastinating, never gets back to me in a timely manner, etc.

And I really would be thrilled to have him disappear at this point. I believe he's more than just a narcissist. He is downright evil.

OpheliaKatz

Not sure if this is going to be helpful or not, but here goes:

If you can get back to the DV service near you and ask them to rec a lawyer that has handled cases like this before, that would be great. I didn't have a great lawyer either. In fact, I had to write everything for them and when they got my "work", they only edited the format. Because it seems like you have ongoing contact with your exAH, you need to work with and be around people who are not going to simply think that it's a case of two divorcees bickering.

You need someone representing you who understands that the addict is manipulative. Before you contact your DV service again, have a list of the "evil" things he's done during your marriage and be prepared to talk about how he's continuing the evil by doing what he is doing in court... and discuss how it's affecting your children. I am not sure if you discussed those things with them, maybe you did. If they say they can't help you... maybe investigate if there is more than one DV service near you. Or maybe contact someone whose cousin knows someone who has an axe and a spare horse's head that looks scary in bedding. [Please don't take that last sentence seriously].

The other thing is, I don't know how old the kids are (sorry, I know you've revealed this info before, but I have limited small brain space). If they are young, they really need protection. If they are near teen-age, that's a different story. Teens have ideas of their own. In any case, this drama is not going to last. Time flies. Kids grow very, very fast. I hope that they are able to get support and that when they are older, if they have to maintain contact with exAH, they attend Alateen.

This is going to sound trite but I hope you can enjoy what time you have with your kids before they are big.

If your ex does get unsupervised visits, well... maybe it's a good thing if he is too selfish or drunk/high to see the kids as often as he is supposed to. He seems to have little interest in actually parenting the kids. This seems to be about his ego.

Gm0824

HCD: Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. The addict logic is insane. Sending strength and prayers for you and your children. This may be the straw that broke the camels back so to speak for the courts. I am glad you posted. Keep on making the next right decision!

Seren

All I can do is shake my head at the insanity! Praying for you and your children!!