Ekohe

Nothing on the external has changed. It's day 7 since my longest binge to date.

I had brutal hangover/withdrawals, followed by a pretty bad sinus infection, now I have a cold and for some reason there is a peace. Not a pink cloud (I have had that before) but just an understanding that as long as I continue putting in work, emotion and thoughts don't have any sway over me, and the more I continue with that the quieter they seem to get, and the distance between my anxieties presence (which for a long time was near constant, for the last better part of 6 years.)

This doesn't scare me, doesn't excite me I just see it as what is. I can't explain it. Perhaps its that I finally called an addiction center to get things moving? Surrendering that this is my situation, and that help is no longer a weakness or my enemy? I can't quite think of a reason why and I'm okay with that.

I'm not sure, but it is very welcome to me.

Bobbieka

I think there are some that would call that a "spiritual awakening." I know exactly what you mean. It all seemed to change the day I stopped fighting it and leaned in and said, "okay, I'm an alcoholic. Let's deal with that."

I'm really happy for you. There's work ahead of you, but it sounds like you are ready for it.

Jules714

You nailed it; surrender.
Your post actually conveys a peacefulness. You sought help and you're posting both really positive things! Good deal.
Good luck,
Jules

tekink

After my last relapse I actually stopped craving. That's not to say that I didn't want drinks or was not tempted to drink it's just that something happened and from that point out the thought of a drink made me sick my stomach and just turned me off. When I did have a craving it killed itself at that point. Thinking of drinks just made me not feel right anymore and I was able to get out of that quit -> relapse -> quit cycle (with heavy bouts of failed moderation thrown in the mix).

There were a couple times where drinks were trying to stare me down, it wasn't easy street and there were a few times where all the booze in the house got poured down the drain. (my wife is a normal drinker and we own a bar I've poured some expensive bottles down that drain).

GingerSnow

Hello,

I liked the reply about it possibly being spiritually awakening. That's an interesting theory, I like it.

I like to think I've just accepted it too. I'm very stubborn and I think all my moderation attempts was just me thinking I could beat the bottle. I may have won the battle a few nights, but every war was eventually lost. I've accepted that I don't want to go in to another war I can never win. Maybe that's how you're feeling too? Knowing that we don't have to go to war anymore is what is bringing on the peace...

I wish you the best and am hoping your peace continues

dafunbra

I had to surrender completely and accept that I can never drink safely again. I have no doubt the Man upstairs is helping me. I have a resolve and a calm I've never had before. I know exactly what you mean. I prayed for Him to take it and help me to be on the path I need to be on. So far, it seems to be working.

Tetrax

Love this! It's how I'm feeling.

Dee74

sounds like you might be getting to the point where recovery starts Ekohe - great to hear

D

Ekohe

Thank you everyone! Yes it has been very odd to say they least. It's like a complete 180 from every other attempt where I knew the thoughts and anxiety would come rushing back, but now I just sit with them when they do and it's like they have lost 90% of their power.

My old sponsor got back to me and is willing to help me. I won't take this offer lightly and will do everything that is asked of me. Still waiting for a call back after I left a voicemail from the counselling place but I am still in high spirits.

Hope everyone had a great day

PhoenixJ

You got it! Make the call, go to meetings- grow and heal. Support to you

Primativo

This happened to me. April 28th 2018, it clicked in me the lifetsyle and situation I had put myself in with my drinking. I was in complete denial about how bad my drinking had become.

Even when I used to throw away all the empty wine bottles each week, I used to think "that's a lot of wine" but never really thought much about it. Even though I had got to the point of needing to have a drink before I even left my house for a social event, it still didn't register I actually had a problem. Sure, I used to think about it sometimes, I'm far from stupid, but I always brushed it off as nothing too bad in the end.

My final binge, it finally did click. Going to AA cemented it, when I accepted I was an alcoholic. I joke about it now, going to AA ruined drinking for me, because I can never enjoy drinking again. Even if I do relapse, and I have had a few in the last 8 months or so, I relapse knowing that what I am doing is wrong and bad.

The days of me attempting (and failing) to drink like a "normal" person are over. I surrendered. I know I am playing russian roulette with myself when I do drink. That's fine though, because it means when I have relapsed I stop drinking and get back on the sober train, I'm no longer a drinker. I'm just a non drinker who has occasionally had a slip up and I am still working on making sure I no longer have any slip ups.

Kid50