PinnacleOR

So, it's New Years Day. I just got back from 9 days visiting with my family on the opposite coast. When I left to see them, I drank the night before. During the whole 9 days there, I didn't have a drop - and - I hardly thought about it at all. I had a car and there were many times I could have easily drank, but I just didn't want to.

I come back home, where I live alone, and the urge to drink was strong. I had just a few glasses, then stopped. Also had a few in the past few night, but not a binge. Still, I drank and will hold myself accountable for that.

So strange, this dis-ease called alcoholism. Obviously being alone is a trigger for me, and conversely being around family completely removes the urge to drink. Herein lies the solution for 2019, somewhere. I live alone, so do I get a roommate? Make sure I get to meetings and connect with people? Call a friend? Post here, probably yes to all.

Anyone have similar experiences to what I'm dealing with?

tomsteve

personally i think getting a roommate wouldnt help you learn to be comfortable being by yourself, which i think the trigger isnt being alone- its not knowing how to be alone.

Lonewolf22

I think if you drink to pain, you are more likely to go to extremes. I don't know that yet like because never drank when I wasn't mentally stable.

Sounds like you done well to keep on track. Definitely too early to be risking becoming complacent, isn't it?

Lonewolf22

I think a roommate might be a good option but then how can you be sure they would be a hindrance to you or not?
I mean, you could potentially set out a criteria for what you are looking for but still leaves personality into question unless you know them personally!

Well I just set out a plan for myself that makes me hopeful of changing and may allow me to be hopeful. So yeah, something that gives you an incentive to want to move forward and not back on to drink?

Definitely people around you that can relate to your drink problem

Guener

It's an interesting question on why you chose not to drink while on your trip.

There are probably a number of factors that could have come into play. Was it because you were not alone or due to other things? Maybe you could explore what it was that made you comfortable in not drinking -- companionship, things to do with others, a desire to be accountable, freedom from things that remind you that you might want to drink? It's worth some time to reflect on what things might be helpful to you moving forward.

Getting a roommate is a significant change in many things about living. If you can work on getting more comfortable with being alone while sober, it would serve you even better if you do make a decision to live with somebody else -- for all parties involved. Maybe try the smaller changes first before jumping in to a contractual relationship?

Great job on not drinking for those days, and I'm happy you've come back from that feeling energized. Happy New Year.

doggonecarl

You think you drink because you are lonely?

Perhaps you drink because you are alone and can drink. Where being alone is less a trigger and more a justification to drink.

Lonewolf22

I'm not wholly sure why I drink dogg, I just know isolation can be sad and lonely and disheartening when it is over a long period of time with little meaningful relationshi ps.

Lonewolf22

I had reasons to drink when I lived with people too. There is always a reason to drink.

Flower2327

I could be exceptionally "well behaved" when I was around other people, whether abstaining completely for the length of a vacation or only having one or two drinks out at dinner like a "normal" person. I would often tell myself that this was evidence that I could moderate. The problem was, like you, as soon as I was alone again, the desire to drink would creep in, and it wasn't long before I was in my car and off to the store for several bottles of wine.

For me at least, being alone meant no distractions or mediating forces between my mind and my anxieties and insecurities. I think you should find what can help you become comfortable being alone without numbing yourself with alcohol. Perhaps the hardest and most useful tool is time, imo; building up the sober time as a foundation to show yourself that it can be done. What helps you amass that time might be AA, might be posting here as often as you need to, might be calling a friend who knows the situation. We're all rooting for you

August252015

I think the real question is: do you want to quit? All other questions and ideas (roommate, etc) follow.

DontRemember

There's a country song I heard in early sobriety, with the verse "I drink cause' I'm lonesome. and I'm lonesome cause' I drink." Boredom and 'lifestyle choices' kept me drinking longer than needed. I can be lonely and watch a movie/play a video game/clean something/ect... sober. I had forgotten that around the last 4yrs of my drinking..I just HAD to be drinking. Not so much physical,but mentally that had become my routine/habit/lifestyle. Attending court ordered AA meetings and participating really helped me get started to where I'm at now..I think 2yrs+(-1 night)? I don't count days nor care, as long as I dont drink today I'm good.

Dee74

I don't find alcoholism as baffling from this perspective.

Once I removed the alcohol entering my body bit, things got a lot clearer and simpler.

I can spit out several thousand words on what would trigger me to drink but I think that efforts better put to deciding what to do about stopping Pinnacle?

D

WeThinkNot

I agree with this.

When I met my ex-wife I was already well into my addiction. Take a wild guess what happened...

Hey if things start getting serious between us I'll cut down...nope.

Now we're living together I better take it easy with the drinking...nope.

We're married, time to act like an adult and cool it with the drinking...nope.

It was only after I started working my recovery plan that I learned change has to come from within. Having people around that love you is irrelevant. Being somewhere that you like is irrelevant. Having tons of money is irrelevant. Without internal happiness everything else is simply window dressing.

"Wherever you go there you are"

least

I used to wonder about the why's and wherefore's of my addiction. It got me nowhere. I stopped thinking about it and started acting to solve the problem. I had a solid recovery plan and included gratitude, which helped a lot.

courage2

It's not *why* you drink that matters -- past is past. Just don't take a drink now. That's the first thing, for everybody.

That said, if you know you're more likely to drink when you're alone, try to be among people more, until you build some sober muscles. There are groups like AA, people are on SR 24/7, and there are other live and online support groups.

Wholesome

It was once I rejected the idea that anything could "trigger" me and somehow make me drink, that I stopped getting triggered all the time.

I drank because I was addicted to alcohol.

Today I still have all the same "triggers" all around me all the time - drinking is just no longer an option.

Fearlessat50

You are not alone! At the end of my addiction, I only drank alone. His was some time after people in my life accepted me as a non drinker. Even though my addiction and recovery has been private, and I could have easily had a drink around others without anyone caring, I still felt awkward to have alcohol when I told others for various reasons I no longer drank. So I would get a little envious of others drinking and seemingly having a great time, then I’d go home and get sloshed all by myself when my family was asleep. Or I’d wait until the next day when I’d be alone (I work from home).

There were also the “triggers” which were stress coming from family and parenting challenges which kept up my habit of drinking in solitude. Because I felt no one understood my unique circumstances.

It was a very strange habitual cycle I got into. I finally realized that even though I was fooling everyone else, I couldn’t fool myself. I couldn’t keep hiding it from those closest to me either because I was drinking more and more and my husband was catching in. I had become physically, spiritually and mentally depleted.

I had to become completely honest with myself about what alcohol was doing to me. Because I felt alone and uncomfortable talking to others about it, I started going to therapy with a therapist who himself was a recovering alcoholic. The therapy helped me understand why I drank in the first place, define my core values and develop new coping mechanisms for handling stress. I started practicing yoga and meditation daily.

Regardless of the reasons, habit is a big part of this. Behavior habits change brain chemistry. If you read about neuroplasticity, you will start to see how you can drop old habits by replacing them with new habits, and change your brain chemistry in positive ways. If I have an urge to drink alone now, I traded alcohol for a meditation app or I come to SR. If it’s possible, I go for a run, walk or a drive and listen to music. I focus on my thoughts and remind myself of all the horrors I experienced from drinking, that I will feel so much better about myself handling what I’m feeling and dealing with sober, and that “this too shall pass.” When I practice these new thoughts and habits, it strengthens me the next time I have a moment of weakness.

I also have daily rituals that keep me strong in sobriety. I read and post about gratitude everyday. It sounds simple. But what least said above is true. I run or exercise regularly. I find time to be creative with art. I am always expanding myself. I recently discovered recovery related podcasts, which also makes me feel more connected to others.

I think connection with others in recovery is essential, even if it is only online. I have formed some great friendships here at SR.

I agree with everything Wethinknot said. I don’t know that a roommate would help. I believe that achieving sobriety comes from within yourself.

Renvate

I thought i drank because i was lonely. Then i got into a relationship.

Then i started drinking in the relationship

Then i started to want to be alone to DRINK and i hid my drinking from her.

We broke up a year ago, and...i got an apartment to "live alone"

what did I do? i went out every single weekend then stopped doing that and just drank alone in my apartment.


I moved back with my family because i have control here.

at this stage in my life, i CANNOT live alone.

ardy

Hi all ... just a scream into the darkness. of life... we went to the casino for new years eve.. no I did not have a drink. but was not really happy about being with all the people and noise and laughter either.. maybe 2018 has left a strange mark on my mid.. but . even Eddie Lee noticed Toots you are so sad just sitting there. what is the matter.. I don't know.. the mind is a dark place ... and hard to handle a bunch... I just felt like crying and I was the one that pushed us to go and have people around noise and laughter.. Its hard kids when the Clown is not a camper that can have a pretend smile even...
we walked around a bit and saw some really nice people that came up to me and said you are so sad. smile Its New Years Eve.. Lady hugged me and I almost cried... ran into older gent that had the same hat as me. and he made me laugh for real.. Eddie Lee gave me a casino coin and said thank you for helping her laugh.. we started out the doors and an older lady wanted to know where I got my great hat. I took it off and said It has been waiting for you to come in and have a Grand 2019 put it on her head and we left..
just have been depressed for the last few weeks.. a little and then more and then ... just darkness.. so Jan 1 scrubbed my house from top to bottom.. do I feel better .. truth not really ... house is cleaner Eddie Lee hid with Captain Jack the Cat so they did not get washed hahahahah.. and Shadow hugged her Grandma a bunch....
this thing that drives us.. pulls on so much.. What do we really want.. know what kids and beans.. its Jan 2 2019 putting up a good front at work. maybe 2019 will help me figure this out a bit.. maybe...

love you all so much.. Prayers Volunteer for something cats dogs birds at the Fair read to kids help at a soup kitchen... write become a movie extra... find something that matters to your Soul and let it in.. ardy

SnazzyDresser

I choose to view my alcohol use as quite simple and understandable. If I consume alcohol, I cause great harm to myself in every possible way, physically, psychologically, spiritually etc. Probably end up dead before long. If I keep clear of it, my life remains my own and good things seem to occur. Mystery solved!