One Year
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 125
One Year
I had my last drink sometime in the early morning hours of December 28, 2017. If you'd asked me then if I needed to quit, I'd have said yes but it'll never happen - maybe some fumbling, white-knuckled "moderation" or periods of sobriety, but I could never, ever quit quit, because [insert a million non-reasons and excuses here].
Yet here I am. And honestly, it's just another day. That's probably been one of my biggest realizations from this year, that so many of those Very Important Things™ that seemed far too daunting to do, or like they would be too traumatic to face, etc., are really just minor speedbumps on a long road. And even the good things don't necessarily come with fireworks or some sort of aura of greatness or importance. They're just part of life. My life for a decade plus was a feedback loop of anxiety and drinking, and everything seemed so dramatic and scary, and I felt so helpless in the face of everything, that I made my world very small in an effort to avoid it all. Of course, that small, isolated world was just my own personal hell, and the drinking just ratcheted up my anxiety 10 fold.
On and on, until I started having near-daily panic attacks I thought could be something worse. So I saw a doctor, leveled with him about my drinking, and he was able to get me started on something for my anxiety and connected me with a therapist, who has been wonderful in helping me begin to sort through the various things I've been avoiding for most of my adult life through alcohol, as well as the addiction itself.
I'm sure I'll add more to this thread, but for anyone reading this who, like I did, says no way I can ever quit, I'm too far gone, I'm not worth it - it IS possible, you are worth it, and you cannot imagine how much better things can be without alcohol, how liberating it is not to be in thrall to the bottle. A year into sobriety, I'm still finding new and interesting things about myself and the world every day.
Yet here I am. And honestly, it's just another day. That's probably been one of my biggest realizations from this year, that so many of those Very Important Things™ that seemed far too daunting to do, or like they would be too traumatic to face, etc., are really just minor speedbumps on a long road. And even the good things don't necessarily come with fireworks or some sort of aura of greatness or importance. They're just part of life. My life for a decade plus was a feedback loop of anxiety and drinking, and everything seemed so dramatic and scary, and I felt so helpless in the face of everything, that I made my world very small in an effort to avoid it all. Of course, that small, isolated world was just my own personal hell, and the drinking just ratcheted up my anxiety 10 fold.
On and on, until I started having near-daily panic attacks I thought could be something worse. So I saw a doctor, leveled with him about my drinking, and he was able to get me started on something for my anxiety and connected me with a therapist, who has been wonderful in helping me begin to sort through the various things I've been avoiding for most of my adult life through alcohol, as well as the addiction itself.
I'm sure I'll add more to this thread, but for anyone reading this who, like I did, says no way I can ever quit, I'm too far gone, I'm not worth it - it IS possible, you are worth it, and you cannot imagine how much better things can be without alcohol, how liberating it is not to be in thrall to the bottle. A year into sobriety, I'm still finding new and interesting things about myself and the world every day.
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,330
Excellent post, Flower and congrats.
I particularly like the part about “I can’t quit.....’insert million reasons here’”.
I want to feel assured......and your post helps.
I particularly like the part about “I can’t quit.....’insert million reasons here’”.
I want to feel assured......and your post helps.
Keep going, it gets better. 
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