Canuckleman45

So..............I decided to try an AA meeting again. LOL . Is it just me? or are they plain weird? I've been to about 6 now. I think thats enough. Just me. Any thoughts? Im not an *******, and if they work for you, then awesome. but I dont think its my thing. alternatives?

ScottFromWI

I've been to several and there was nothing "weird" about it in my estimation.

Earlier today you posted that you were terrified of another relapse and wanted to do anything you could to prevent it - if feeling a little weird for an hour helps you stay sober than I say get weird.

And of course there are a plethora of methods to get sober - do some reading here and you'll find entire subforums dedicated to 12 step, secular and all sorts of subforums within each.

Bottom line though, any sobriety method or plan is going to make you uncomfortable at first - because they all focus on the fact that you need to accept total abstinence - and that's something that your addiction thinks is weird too.

Canuckleman45

Thanks Scott

Dee74

Good to hear from you canuckleman to sorry you're still struggling.

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach, like Rational Recovery/AVRT too..

The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something, as Scott says.

The one thing that won't stop a relapse is doing nothing, y'know?

D

doggonecarl

The program of AA is the 12 steps. Try that.

Purplrks3647

I've thought that sometimes.....haven't been to many, but if I do I just sit and listen without sharing....how does the saying go? Take what's helpful and leave the rest (something like that)

The SMART website is also helpful IMO for more online support

Guener

When I was living in a city, and especially when I was travelling and attending AA meetings, I encountered a lot of different atmospheres in the various gatherings. Some groups were more in tune with how I was feeling about recovery than others, and it was actually an interesting adventure to be a visitor. I don't attend meetings today, but I do have strong memories of a couple of groups that were really helpful to me.

August252015

Glad you are posting, Canuckleman.

Here are my thoughts - yeah, at first, AA struck me as "weird." I knew it was my only option at that point but I was still angry, sick (physically just to start the list), scared and...even the Serenity Prayer infuriated me. There were these sayings and acronyms and stuff that I thought "seriously? Stop speaking in code and honestly, you people are a little ridiculous." I have learned that, indeed, some of them are still annoying (and as was said- that take what you want and leave the rest thing applies here for me- some things have resonated and stuck and others I just let go by) but I can promise you that they prove true for me and everyone else.

One of the best things people tell newcomers - pretty much a universal truth of the program - is the 90 meetings in 90 day thing. It takes time (frankly, way more than that great start) to "get" AA. So, bluntly, no 6 isn't enough.

AA is certainly not for everyone. However- when we are desperate enough to want to live no matter what, like you shared before and I sure was - a specific what-to-do program of some kind is, IMO, critical. Life or death critical. And, as outlined, AA is simple. Not easy getting sober, but it is simple in the way it is laid out, one step at a time.

The mental bargaining and dislike and resistance I had? Very familiar to most alcoholics, not just those of us who have found a home in AA.

In AA, we are supposed to give suggestions and share based on our own experience. On SR - we often give advice. Mine is to give the program a real shot. Commit to 90/90 - even 30/30- not only read the Big Book but get a sponsor.

See what happens. AA talks about "waiting for the miracle" - to me, that meant fiiiinally admitting I was indeed powerless over alcohol (note: that means I am powerless after I take that first drink- I always have the choice not to start) so Step One of AA (both parts- I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable)...or that the 90th meeting was the one where I saw what a life in strong recovery could look like...or any given random weekday now, where I here something about a Christmas relapse that "gets to me" like I did at a meeting yesterday.

I railed against AA for a long time- I also spent a lot of money on good therapists and rx while I continued to drink- and I had no reasons except I wanted to drink, and didn't want to be an alcoholic.

Whatever you do to get sober and stay there - it's up to you, and you CAN do it.

August252015

Sorry, not done! Just thought to add that gratitude is central - least always says this - and folks like lessgravity are seeing continued recovery grow without AA.

Lots of folks to learn from around here and I need them all! Hope we can help and know that we just want to see you and everyone get and stay sober.

D122y

Can,

Nobody or thing is perfect.

Calling AA weird here is like taking about the Vatican while in the Vatican.

I am surprised by the kind and forgiving replies thus far.

I vented here all the time and I know folks were wondering if I was trying to pick a fight. I have apologized here more than once for things I have said that were misinterpreted as mean or selfish etc.

Staying clean is an underlying goal these days. My family, on my drinking side, still don't get it. I have given them all the information but, until an addict wants to quit more than anything, it is impossible. The addiction to booze is strong in most drinkers.

Steven Tyler, the recovering addict rock legend, in an interview with Joe Rogan said, "~if an ex-addict does not periodically work recovery, e.g. therapy, etc, they will relapse."

It was so blunt. There was no BS about it. It was a definite...ah ha...moment for me.

I am going to periodically work recovery till the day I die a sober man. I am looking forward to my next visit to a local AA meeting. I constantly post and read here and find myself drawn to anything on the internet about addiction and recovery. Moth to a flame.

By any means necessary.

Thanks.

biminiblue

I went to meetings for the first three/four months and in the end decided AA wasn't for me, but I didn't have a particularly difficult time staying quit once I made the decision to quit and I do try to live by the basic common sense presented in the book of AA. Have you read the book? It's available to read online at AA's website. I think every problem drinker would benefit from reading it a couple times.

Quitting is a one-and-done decision that gets made just the one time and then everything after that has to be about what I do to ensure I never pick up a drink again. It's uncomfortable learning to cope with life without numbing out but if we've all done it you can too. Posting here, reading here, listening to podcasts, reading books all helped me. Plugging in somewhere. It's a daily thing that I consciously decide to do.

AAPJ

So AA is weird to some folks here. That's fine. For me when I see folks stating that AA isn't for them I wonder what they will do as an alternative program for their recovery.

Is one saying that they tried AA and didn't like it so they gave up on a finding a recovery program that works for them? (BS excuse)

OR

Is one saying that they tried AA and didn't like it so they will continue to seek a different recovery program that works for them? (Very reasonable position)

To me that's the key point.

August252015

Bimini - the common sense thing...so true! My husband and I often joke that "if everyone in the world understood AA it would be a better place" - or, as I've heard in a meeting, "don't be a jerk, and apologize when you do, and a couple other sensible things."

biminiblue

August, I think most of the world could use a meeting and could use the Big Book in general.

It's not rocket surgery. Most of this stuff we learned in kindergarten. Then we tried to do it all OUR way. That doesn't really work.

Finalround

One of her biggest aspects of any recovery program seems to be humility. It's our ego/av that convinces us we need and can manage alcohol.

For me, putting my ego aside (forcefully) and being humble (acceptance) has given me the enlightenment to maintain my sobriety. I have also found that I don't judge any of those struggling OR succeeding in their recovery efforts. I feel more confident in sharing and offering suggestions.

Something I tell my sons often. "If you want to be a winner, do what the winners do. Cuz what you're doing, ain't working"

fini

okay, it's not for you, and that's fine. though, as mentioned, the meetings are NOT the suggested solution that AA offers.
i am a firm believer in doing "the work", whatever the work may be. it's great that in a place like SR, tons of alternatives are all over the forum list and website, and you have had many suggestions now.
it is up to you to check them out thoroughly, and find them, give them thought, put the effort in.
mocking what i don't like is easy, always has been for me, and always has been easy for me to dismiss suggestions and options after a cursory glance or "try", and i can always easily find four reasons why something won't work for me......anyway, enough about me. oooops, one more: those things that are so easy for me? they didn't work for me, as far as getting and staying sober.

CupofJoe

The meetings seemed weird to me at first, but they weren't dangerous or life-threatening and they were free, so I kept going. I did keep drinking while going to meetings for a long time.

It took me a long time to realize--despite being told this by others--that the program of AA is in the steps, not the meetings. The meetings are where you can, in theory, find someone to take you through the 12 steps. The meetings are a place to gather to meet other people who have the same problem and want to share the solution.

Everyone is welcome, though, so not everyone has followed the steps. And no one is forced to. And, like any organization, they have their own language, traditions, and ways that might seem weird to a newcomer. (To be fair, when I first started drinking in bars, that seemed weird to me, too, but I got used to it pretty quickly...)

I haven't been to a meeting in a while, but I got sober through AA and I'm profoundly grateful, no matter how weird it seemed at first.

That being said, it's not the only way to get sober. Other people have gotten sober through this website alone, Smart Recovery, LifeRing, Rational Recovery, etc.

The trick is to realize that you have to work for your sobriety and do whatever it takes to recover.

I wish you all the best, whatever you decide.

tomsteve

ill take being around a bunch of weirdness over being around a bunch of bottles any day.