Visting friend in halfway house
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 69
Visting friend in halfway house
My addict daughter ,5 months mostly clean,wants me to take her to visit a former boy friend .
He is currently in a half way house and will soon be allowed visitors.
This feels off to me. I don't have any reason to feel this way .but for some reason I think nothing good can come of this
Any suggestions.
He is currently in a half way house and will soon be allowed visitors.
This feels off to me. I don't have any reason to feel this way .but for some reason I think nothing good can come of this
Any suggestions.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Her decision to visit him is really up to her (and him to allow it).
That said...YOU get to decide what feels right for you and what does not. I'm not sure how healthy their relationship was. If they had issues and left on a bad note, now isn't the time to mend fences. His life may depend on staying focused on his recovery and distractions are best left for some later time.
If you don't feel good about taking her, let her find another way, or decide not to go yet and maybe talk on the phone instead.
I worked at a rehab for 2 years, and I must say that it was often best for the residents to just focus on their recovery and keep connected to their home relationships only if they were healthy ones. That was rarely the case between boyfriends and girlfriends, and the rehab is no place to bring up old wounds.
Just my thoughts. Hope it works out well, however it unfolds.
That said...YOU get to decide what feels right for you and what does not. I'm not sure how healthy their relationship was. If they had issues and left on a bad note, now isn't the time to mend fences. His life may depend on staying focused on his recovery and distractions are best left for some later time.
If you don't feel good about taking her, let her find another way, or decide not to go yet and maybe talk on the phone instead.
I worked at a rehab for 2 years, and I must say that it was often best for the residents to just focus on their recovery and keep connected to their home relationships only if they were healthy ones. That was rarely the case between boyfriends and girlfriends, and the rehab is no place to bring up old wounds.
Just my thoughts. Hope it works out well, however it unfolds.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Walk,
If you are supporting your daughter, you get to be in charge.
You can be nice, but if it makes you uncomfortable, you don't need to tolerate it.
School age kids can get their way if they get good grades, but if an adult child is still a dependent, they need to feel the pressure to get a job that pays for health care etc.
It seems more common these days for adult children to not feel that responsibility.
My stepson is still in college and i tolerate his freelodeing and selfishness. He has a little job at least, but he like to smoke pot and drink. I told him everything i know about drugs but i fear he thinks i am full of it.
He was suicidal at one point so he has my wife on the ropes. I don't want him to hurt himself, or anyone, but i can't live my life tippy toing around a mentally challenged (for the lack of a better term) adult child.
For your consideration.
Thanks.
If you are supporting your daughter, you get to be in charge.
You can be nice, but if it makes you uncomfortable, you don't need to tolerate it.
School age kids can get their way if they get good grades, but if an adult child is still a dependent, they need to feel the pressure to get a job that pays for health care etc.
It seems more common these days for adult children to not feel that responsibility.
My stepson is still in college and i tolerate his freelodeing and selfishness. He has a little job at least, but he like to smoke pot and drink. I told him everything i know about drugs but i fear he thinks i am full of it.
He was suicidal at one point so he has my wife on the ropes. I don't want him to hurt himself, or anyone, but i can't live my life tippy toing around a mentally challenged (for the lack of a better term) adult child.
For your consideration.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Walkedon 
.
This feels off to me. I don't have any reason to feel this way .but for some reason I think nothing good can come of this
Any suggestions.
This feels off to me. I don't have any reason to feel this way .but for some reason I think nothing good can come of this
Any suggestions.
a former boy friend .
in a halfway house which i assume of for addicts.
and your daughter being 5 months MOSTLY clean.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 21
I would say, she's an adult. If she wants to see somebody, go somewhere, she can get herself there if she chooses. It's not your responsibility. Not having a car, license, etc, is a natural consequence of her past actions. Just my 2 cents.
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