Livingonwishes

Hi all,

So now we are well into Boxing Day and I am feeling somewhat down and lonely. But a realisation has just hit me....

2 years ago I lost my Job, Home, relationship and good name all because of alcohol. I moved 400 miles from everyone I knew to try and figure out who I was and where I needed to go.


But I carried on drinking and not thinking for nearly 2 years. In those 2 years I met some wonderful people and have become close to a couple of them. They have been through a lot with me and I have been through a lot with them and a couple of us have realised that we have a problem that needs addressing and have taken steps to improve our lives and become sober, sensible and productive members of society.


But I have been wondering why I am so sad and feel so alone and today I had an epiphany. I had a good life, good friends and a good job. Christmas was a time I spent with people I loved and we played games, went for walks and had fun. 2 years ago I threw that all away.


I live with family now, but they are in their twilight years and it's a struggle to do much with them. I have a couple of good friends who have been lucky enough not to have got as far down the path as I did. We are support and encouragement to each other... but they have their own kids (I have never been blessed with kids of my own) and families and are off doing wonderful things with them where as I pretty much only have myself....

Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge them their families or their happiness but it does make me feel very lonely and less than worthwhile on days like these..... I am just glad that I have taken the road where I won't drown my self pity in alcohol as I know that if I did then I would lose the friendships I have made and be in a worse place than I have been.


I guess it's the realisation that I had so much and then flushed it away that I am more accepting of my situation and don't want to jeopardise what I have and may potentially have in the future but it is hard at times like this to be happy for myself...


Sobriety may suck at times but I am grateful I have been put on that path no matter what...


Thankyou for listening and I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the Holiday season....

D122y

Living,

Not living w my head buried in the sands of addiction is liberating. I made my own bed and it is not bad at this point. It is cold outside these days. It could be alot worse.

I went to the gym last night around 5 pm. It was nearly empty. It was about at a 10% typical level for rush hour. Only the exercise addicts were there and I was very pround.

I craved a bit here and there this year, but my strength is at an all time high. It took this long to feel this good. I feel really good. I will never give this good feeling up for feeling drunk.

At this stage of my life, getting drunk seems about as smart as banging my head on the ground.

My realization yesterday was that my crave is almost like an instinct or compulsion. I drank for so long. I did it randomly, but I also drank at specific times.

During xmas I was pretty much drinking at every opportunity. I usually drank myself sick. I remember wondering why I was always getting sick and others were not.

Detox and immune system weakness.

Honestly, I can see how easy it would be for folks that are not educated about booze to relapse. As I get older, I figure I will settle into the limitations of being a 60, 70, 80, and even 90 year old. I am optimistic about my future because I know I will never drink the poison again.

It is pointless.

Living life in the reality of now is God's intention and it feels exactly correct.

Thanks.

Guener

Thank you for sharing how you are feeling, Living, and I understand. Our timelines and situations sound very much alike, as is our situation today. It does feel lonely at times. Still, I am willing to ride out these days of transition into whatever lies ahead for me, it's a far better place than I had before I quit.

MythOfSisyphus

Alcohol helped us all screw up our lives. But what's done is done- today is a new day. Maybe start tomorrow morning to build the life you want.

Dee74

Lives can always be rebuilt - better stronger faster as Oscar Goldman used to say in The Six Million Dollar Man

often not rebuild in the exact same way, but usually way better in Version 2,0.

It may be a struggle to see it now, but it will happen - face forward, in case you miss the opportunities

D

PhoenixJ

All we have is now. We can, however learn from the past.
I hope you season of weirdness is safe and peaceful.

Wastinglife

I threw it all away too. Lost everything. Girlfriend, job, car, and apartment. All within about the last 8 years. Now completely isolated, unemployed, single. So hard to stay sober with no hope.