Free2bme888

Ugh.


Wish I could tell him I love him. Don’t hate him.

Can’t get back in roller coaster.

Please. Please help me NOT do that.

dafunbra

Free, if he is in the throws of active alcohol addiction he may know it, but it may not matter to him. I know when I was I wanted it all, the drink and the girl. Now that I'm sobering up and have a little bit of clear thinking time, I see things more clearly. There is a space between me and my friend now, but I have never doubted that she loves me. Nor do I think she doubts that I love her. Life gets complicated, and when you throw in all the crap and destructiveness that comes with addiction it gets even more complicated. I want to be bombarding her with texts, emails, voicemails, etc. That is exactly the wrong thing for me to do. Praying helps me, a lot. I ask for guidance and peace, and for God to help her make the best decision. I do throw in the little caveat that I would really like to be that right decision. Staying busy also helps me. I just realized its almost 1 pm here and I've been doing so many things I thought it might be 11 or so. My heart goes out to you. I've only been on his side, I've never been on the outside looking in at the addiction, but I can imagine how painful it is.

MantaLady

Delete his number, also delete any texts. That way you can’t call/message him. If he contacts you again set that number to block so he can’t contact you. Job done!

Ask yourself are you really in love with him or in love with idea of what a relationship could be with him if he changed? It was the latter for me with my ex, l was in love with a fantasy not the reality. You can do better and you deserve better. xx

Free2bme888

Thanks you guys!


Really good point Manta

Missing what I didn’t have in its entirety.

He was great in so many ways, but the controlling, lying Ways were too high a price to pay for me

I guess my mind is going back to those good times and it’s blacking out the bad. Must stay focused.

Cleaning out pantry. Literally. 😂

Pipefish

Absolutely....anything but text, clean the floor, clean those shoes, mend those socks, sow those seeds, do a jigsaw......anything, but not that text.....

I really identify with that pull. Feeling very similarly to you a few years ago, I came across the words below, and they helped me so much, so thought they may help you too....

He may still love you. He probably does. He probably doesn't know what he wants. He probably still thinks about you all the time. But that isn't what matters. What matters is what he's doing about it. And what he's doing about it is nothing. And if he's doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn't do anything. You need something to go out of their way to make it obvious they want you in their life.

The power of not acting on pulls of this kind, pure gold. Freedom.

Free2bme888

Thanks pipefish.

I am going to go for a walk it is 41°F here which is unusually warm

Dee74

Some great advice here Free. I hope you stick to no contact.

D

Free2bme888

Thanks!

I tried to keep up with Drinking with him, and found myself basically addicted myself. So I quit drinking in May. HE DID NOT LIKE

We have been on off on off on off on off for about four years. It’s enough to blow any fuses in any house 😳

He is charming, and generous, and funny, and thoughtful, until he is not. He can go from being nice to being mean with terrible comments or calling me a name. He is racist. It was such a roller coaster ride with him.

I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that I did not get the love that I needed from my parents — I was taken away along with my brother and sister from neglect into the foster care system in the United States.

I’m taking this time to be introspective, to learn about myself so that I can be loved the way that I need to be…in a kind, respectful, non-manipulative way.

Soberwolf

Were defo going to help you NOT to do that

trailmix

Hi Free, glad to see you are holding strong and the pantry will get all sorted out in to the bargain!

What you said above, that on again off again type of relationship, I have seen that with someone I know and spoken about it with others. That type of relationship, with alcohol involved or not is SO very destructive. That might be a boundary right there. You are either IN a relationship or you are NOT. No wiggle room there. Now, that said, people do give people a second chance, we are all human, but I can't see that there is ever a reason for the multiple on again off again thing to happen and again, so very destructive.

One tool that can be helpful to avoid falling back in to this type of thing (like texting) is to make an actual list of all the negative things about this relationship and why you are out of it. Be specific, something like:

Says he will meet me for dinner then gets drunk and cancels.
Says he will text me in the morning and I don't hear from him for 2 days.
Called me ABCD and and these other names (then list them).
Never listens to what I have to say about my day.
Forgets my birthday
Does XYZ even though he knows it makes me feel bad.
Will never choose a song/movie/show that I want to watch
I'll cook dinner and he never cleans up afterward

You get the idea, make it as long as it needs to be (it's good to get it all out as well).

Keep that list with you everywhere you go and refer to it often, so like in your bag so if you are out having coffee and start to feel nostalgic, you can review it. I think you will be surprised at how well it works.

Sometimes it's easy for us to forget the painful part, the "happier" parts are easier. It's human nature. If you broke your leg, for instance, and I certainly hope you don't, it would be painful and really annoying for some time. After a few months, once the cast is off, that may not be how you would think back on it. You might think of how kind everyone was, how your neighbour brought you a week's worth of meals, how everyone at your yoga class insisted on signing your cast, how people at work got your coffee for you every morning.

Anyway, I hope you find it helpful.

Hang in there!

gatorman

Stay focused on your long term goals.

fini

hi Free,
don't dismiss yourself, your legitimate needs and all those right and good reasons you stepped away from this relationship.
whether or not he knows you love him or care...well, that is not about what you do now but about him and his way of seeing and being.
clean the pantry, and when that's done you will likely have a nice clean pantry to put something new into