Visiting relatives tomorrow-husband says I “have to drink a little”
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Visiting relatives tomorrow-husband says I “have to drink a little”
Going to my husbands relstives tomorrow. He said I “have to drink a little and don’t slam it down like always”. But I don’t want to drink! I don’t want to restart my days. And I know by drinking it may lead to a total relapse (this is what happened about s month ago. I was sober for a good month or so, had sa drink and kept drinking and buying more booze for weeks after)
I’m so frustrated because I know this will cause a fight with him now. When I drink it causes a fight, if I say I don’t want to st a social event we fight. I’m at a loss...
I’m so frustrated because I know this will cause a fight with him now. When I drink it causes a fight, if I say I don’t want to st a social event we fight. I’m at a loss...
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If he doesn't have a drinking problem, he won't ever understand.
If he does have a drinking problem, your sobriety might feel threatening to him.
Regardless, what you put in your own mouth is your business.
If there's gonna be an argument either way, better to have it be over your sobriety.
If arguing is how he communicates then you have a bigger problem but for now just focus on your sobriety and if necessary don't go to the event, or just walk away from him if he starts. You don't have to argue back. Just calmly keep repeating, "No, thanks, I'm not drinking tonight."
If he does have a drinking problem, your sobriety might feel threatening to him.
Regardless, what you put in your own mouth is your business.
If there's gonna be an argument either way, better to have it be over your sobriety.
If arguing is how he communicates then you have a bigger problem but for now just focus on your sobriety and if necessary don't go to the event, or just walk away from him if he starts. You don't have to argue back. Just calmly keep repeating, "No, thanks, I'm not drinking tonight."
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
You don't have to do anything. Especially where drinking it concerned. It's not your husband's choice to make. It's yours. Make that clear to him. If he's willing to make a fuss over it, that's on him. Enjoy yourself anyway.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
If he doesn't have a drinking problem, he won't ever understand.
If he does have a drinking problem, your sobriety might feel threatening to him.
Regardless, what you put in your own mouth is your business.
If there's gonna be a fight either way, better to have it be over your sobriety.
If fighting is how he communicates then you have a bigger problem but for now just focus on your sobriety and if necessary don't go to the event, or just walk away from him if he starts. You don't have to argue back. Just calmly keep repeating, "No, thanks, I'm not drinking tonight."
If he does have a drinking problem, your sobriety might feel threatening to him.
Regardless, what you put in your own mouth is your business.
If there's gonna be a fight either way, better to have it be over your sobriety.
If fighting is how he communicates then you have a bigger problem but for now just focus on your sobriety and if necessary don't go to the event, or just walk away from him if he starts. You don't have to argue back. Just calmly keep repeating, "No, thanks, I'm not drinking tonight."
unfortunately I have to go. What happened was he spoke to this relative and she said she has the wine all ready for us. Sigh. I’ve texted him back saying can I just pretend to drink it and give it to him. I even offered to drive home. Haven’t heard back yet . I’d like to just bring my sparkling cider I’ve been enjoying . I am on medications so I feel like I could even use those as an excuse. But this relative tends to get upset of you decline alcohol. I don’t know why it has to be such an issue with people.
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Location: Sydney, Australia
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Originally Posted by BlownOne
You don't have to do anything. Especially where drinking it concerned. It's not your husband's choice to make. It's yours. Make that clear to him. If he's willing to make a fuss over it, that's on him. Enjoy yourself anyway.
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Originally Posted by BlownOne
You don't have to do anything. Especially where drinking it concerned. It's not your husband's choice to make. It's yours. Make that clear to him. If he's willing to make a fuss over it, that's on him. Enjoy yourself anyway.
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Oh great he responded
“do whatever you want. Don’t know why you can’t be responsible”
i said not drinking is being responsible
he said “You can’t have one glass of wine without slamming it down and becoming billegerwnt
It’s your problem, don’t make it everyone else’s
Just have a glass and decline a 2nd
Because it’s embarrassing
Your drinking is such a part of our life
If you want to tell everyone you have a drinking problem
Go ahead
Other wise have a drink and and decline additional
Because declining a drink means your pregnant or your a drunk
“do whatever you want. Don’t know why you can’t be responsible”
i said not drinking is being responsible
he said “You can’t have one glass of wine without slamming it down and becoming billegerwnt
It’s your problem, don’t make it everyone else’s
Just have a glass and decline a 2nd
Because it’s embarrassing
Your drinking is such a part of our life
If you want to tell everyone you have a drinking problem
Go ahead
Other wise have a drink and and decline additional
Because declining a drink means your pregnant or your a drunk
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
If he doesn't have a drinking problem, he won't ever understand.
If he does have a drinking problem, your sobriety might feel threatening to him.
Regardless, what you put in your own mouth is your business.
If there's gonna be an argument either way, better to have it be over your sobriety.
If arguing is how he communicates then you have a bigger problem but for now just focus on your sobriety and if necessary don't go to the event, or just walk away from him if he starts. You don't have to argue back. Just calmly keep repeating, "No, thanks, I'm not drinking tonight."
If he does have a drinking problem, your sobriety might feel threatening to him.
Regardless, what you put in your own mouth is your business.
If there's gonna be an argument either way, better to have it be over your sobriety.
If arguing is how he communicates then you have a bigger problem but for now just focus on your sobriety and if necessary don't go to the event, or just walk away from him if he starts. You don't have to argue back. Just calmly keep repeating, "No, thanks, I'm not drinking tonight."
Bimini nailed it. Embarking on sobriety is a life changing event and should be treated as such.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I agree with Bim, if you’re going to have an argument about It anyway better it’s about being sober than being drunk. No-one has the right to tell you what you can and can’t drink, personally I’d tell him to take a long walk off a short pier and to stop being a baby. You do you, he’ll do him and they will do them. As long as you are happy with the choice YOU make then what they think about it is their problem to deal with. Being an alcoholic is not really relevant IMHO, no-one has the right to force you to do anything you don’t want to.
Stay strong and stick to your guns!!xx
Stay strong and stick to your guns!!xx
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Originally Posted by MantaLady
I agree with Bim, if you’re going to have an argument about It anyway better it’s about being sober than being drunk. No-one has the right to tell you what you can and can’t drink, personally I’d tell him to take a long walk off a short pier and to stop being a baby. You do you, he’ll do him and they will do them. As long as you are happy with the choice YOU make then what they think about it is their problem to deal with. Being an alcoholic is not really relevant IMHO, no-one has the right to force you to do anything you don’t want to.
Stay strong and stick to your guns!!xx
Stay strong and stick to your guns!!xx
I’m thinking of emailing her to let her know thank you for the wine offer but my new medication doesn’t allow alcohol. Or do I wait until tomorrow? I’m not sure what will be less awkward.
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Originally Posted by columbus
Jeez... (regarding H's response).
I'd go with the "I'm on medication" thing and leave it at that.
And NOT let myself be pulled into a argument about.
AND have a good time on your own terms, right?
I'd go with the "I'm on medication" thing and leave it at that.
And NOT let myself be pulled into a argument about.
AND have a good time on your own terms, right?
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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Oh boy, I am sorry for your situation. I know how grateful I am for a husband in recovery too - and I know that it must seem insurmountable right now to deal with not drinking given your husband's behavior. I just have to say....we can't judge your relationship based on what does seem to be worrisome stuff - but we CAN tell you that not drinking, no matter what, has been, is today and will always be the better choice.
Choice over what you do and where you go is a new concept for a lot of us and I wish you the commitment to gaining that power of choice in all areas of your life - starting with not drinking, right now.
Choice over what you do and where you go is a new concept for a lot of us and I wish you the commitment to gaining that power of choice in all areas of your life - starting with not drinking, right now.
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Location: London, England
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I really feel for you. it is so hard to get sober without someone bullying you into drinking. As for one glass, yes wouldn't it be lovely BUT we all know where that leads.
I hope you decline, you are already stressed, adding alcohol to an already fraught situation will potentially be a disaster. Instead wake up early with your little one and watch the magic in her eyes when she sees Santa has been!
I hope you decline, you are already stressed, adding alcohol to an already fraught situation will potentially be a disaster. Instead wake up early with your little one and watch the magic in her eyes when she sees Santa has been!
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Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
I do my best to conduct myself as a gentleman in my personal affairs. With that being said, I am absolutely 100% militant in my sobriety and with regards to personal boundaries.
When it comes to boundaries, I am not your friend. I am not your pal. I am not your buddy. I am not your amigo. I am not your associate. I am not your contemporary. I am not your partner....I think the point is clear.
If a stranger wants to be friendly in a social situation and offer me a drink I will thank the person, politely decline, and explain why. I will only do this once.
After that I have no problem inserting myself into somebody's personal space and being aggressive in my sobriety.
Family traditions, cultural norms, societal mores are meaningless and worthless to my sobriety. If I'm offending somebody's sensibilities they are more than welcome to not include me in their plans and in their lives.
I recently made a post about personal boundaries which I second guessed because I thought it came off too harsh. Then I read stories like these which make me double down on being aggressive in sobriety.
To quote David Byrne, "this ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around..."
When it comes to boundaries, I am not your friend. I am not your pal. I am not your buddy. I am not your amigo. I am not your associate. I am not your contemporary. I am not your partner....I think the point is clear.
If a stranger wants to be friendly in a social situation and offer me a drink I will thank the person, politely decline, and explain why. I will only do this once.
After that I have no problem inserting myself into somebody's personal space and being aggressive in my sobriety.
Family traditions, cultural norms, societal mores are meaningless and worthless to my sobriety. If I'm offending somebody's sensibilities they are more than welcome to not include me in their plans and in their lives.
I recently made a post about personal boundaries which I second guessed because I thought it came off too harsh. Then I read stories like these which make me double down on being aggressive in sobriety.
To quote David Byrne, "this ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around..."
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
If it was me I wouldn’t bother emailing and making a point out of not drinking. At the end of the day what you want is to have not drinking not made a big deal out of. Just stay strong and act normal, when offered a drink just say thanks but do you have any apple juice (or some other safe drink). Unless they ask why you aren’t drinking then I wouldn’t tell them anything, you might find they are not that bothered and you are worrying yourself over nothing. Just for today one day at a time, don’t worry about tomorrow until tomorrow comes and relax on Xmas eve xx
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Thank you everyone. Yes it is really frustrating because he hates when I drink,says I have a drinking problem but wants me to be “normal” and drink socially.
At this point I am getting anxiety just thinking about it ! I really
appreciate all of your support. I am going to take your advice and just decline tomorrow. I’ll have to deal with the backlash later but I know this is the right choice for me.
I am glad I found this forum. Thank you and merry Christmas all 🎄
.
At this point I am getting anxiety just thinking about it ! I really
appreciate all of your support. I am going to take your advice and just decline tomorrow. I’ll have to deal with the backlash later but I know this is the right choice for me.
I am glad I found this forum. Thank you and merry Christmas all 🎄
.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Good on you owl! Stay strong and be confident you are doing what is best for you. Being sober benefits everyone around you even if they can’t see it just yet. Relax tonight, be kind to yourself and be proud of the great choices you are making! Merry Xmas xx
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