sweetichick

I cancelled out on Christmas Day. While ever my mother continue to judge me I just can't be around her.. The kids always had clean clothes hair done lunches packed. Thats not a neglecting mother. At night they were bathed and had stories read. I told her until she stops listening to my ex she will have but one daughter at her death bed. I have given her 3 months to think about it. Thanks for listening just venting and not being vdramatic.

Dee74

A lot of people had harsh words to say to me too, but I couldn't let it lose my focus on staying sober.

I wasn't a 'bad' person as a drunk as far as things went but I damn well wanted to be better.

12 years on, my reputation is better than it's ever been, and even more important than that I'm finally living up to my potential..

I'm sorry you were upset sweetichick.

I hope you're not drinking over it.
that just adds fuel to the fire of rumours and will only confirm peoples negative ideas about you.

D

Jeni26

I had lots and lots of guilt about how I was as a Mum. I didn’t have anyone who pointed it out to me like you have, but I knew in my heart that my kids weren’t getting what they truly deserved from me.

I did all the things you described...read bedtime stories, dropped them at school with the right things they needed for their day, I stood on the sidelines when my son was playing football and took my daughter to her gym classes....

But I was just playing the part. My smiles weren’t real. I couldn’t wait for them to get into bed so I could crack open the vodka, I was hungover much of the time and dissociated from them. I was numb and uncommunicative.

I was living a double life really...and I have many many regrets.

My kids are now adults. My son doesn’t live with me and my daughter is planning to move out at some point. I have many regrets, but I cannot turn the clock back.

I will be 3 years sober in Feb and my relationship with them now is amazing.

Don’t leave it too late...I wish I could have been sober when they were little...

Fight this sweetichick....the greatest gift you can give yourself is creating sober memories with your kids. It’s priceless.

DontRemember

OK..how are you?

PalmerSage

Ditto Jeni26, 100%. I'm not sure why your mom decided to say that to you completely unprovoked, but I needed to stop kidding myself that my kids weren't neglected just because I kept up apperances and went through all the motions. It's a tough thing to accept.

Dee74

Merry Christmas Sweetichick - I hope you'll check in.

D

Healthyandsober

Merry Christmas Sweetchick!!

please believe no matter what you are not alone. come back we will share your pain till you can get better. then we will share your victory.

I okie what someone said in your other post that is closed about liver failure:

What I actually wanted was for the consequences of my drinking to stop, They didn't because I am an alcoholic.

This above is so true for me. I think its time for both of us to stop digging... I am not specking roses or the live i ever dream of i just want this to stop. the only way is quitting.

May God help us...

come back we miss you happy holidays!!!!

sweetichick

Merry Christmas Dee. I am still drinking because of the fight with my parents. Hope you are having a good one with your family and friends. The hours are slowly ticking by. Tomorrow I am planning another detox or late today.

Healthyandsober

sweetichick

Thanks healthy we can do this together. Happy Christmas Eve to you.

Healthyandsober

thank you to you too happy holidays!
you are not alone and without the drink i have no doubt you are a great parent.

sweetichick

Thanks Healthy that means a lot

ScottFromWI

Are you sure about that Sweeti? I drank because I was an alcoholic. The longer you continue to give yourself excuses to keep drinking, the closer you get to the liver failure that your doctor has warned you about. I understand it's Christmas and that you have other issues to deal with regarding your family, but don't let your addiction tell you that it's "OK" to be drinking right now - because its' not. In fact it's probably the worst possible decision you could make.

My Christmas wish for you is that you somehow find a way to accept that no amount of alcohol is acceptable. And that you get into rehab as soon as possible.

suki44883

An alcoholic will always find a reason to drink. An argument, it's raining, having a bad day, having a good day, it's Wednesday...

The truth is, these are just excuses we use to justify grabbing a drink. You already know this, sweeti. So, I have to wonder...do you truly want to live a sober life...never, ever have another drink? Until you are willing to do whatever it takes...whatever it takes, you are only fooling yourself.

Again, as I hope with each post you make, I pray this time something will sink in.

sweetichick

Your post made me think a lot. I would say at least half the reason I still drank was because I am an alcoholic. Christmas is over here now thank God. I need to deal with the triggers, last day saw kids breakup with boyfriend otherwise I will falil every year. I have 2 glasses of wine left and then my detox starts. I have no triggers atm. So I will soon find out. Thanks for your post.

Dee74

I drank a lot of years because it was the solution to every problem I had.

I had to find other ways to deal with bad feelings, unfair situations, fear of having no money, health fears, and just plain old crappy days.

You have to too Sweetichick - or you'll simply never stay sober.

D

KissMyTiara

As an alcoholic myself I know too well family situations. I can assure you will never have a good relationship with your children or your parents unless you stop drinking. It's your choice. Don't blame them. Alcohol kills relationships.

sweetichick

My parents and I haven't had a good relationship from the moment I was born. They had to get married because of me. I moved out as soon as I could to get away from them.

dafunbra

Exactly. Alcohol was my solution to everything. Things are going good? Start drinking. Things are going bad? Start drinking. Want to celebrate the fact that its 10 in the morning on a Tuesday? Start drinking. The last couple of years I just wanted to numb the negative feelings away. It wasn't until I decided I just cannot go on like I was that I began to learn other ways to cope. While I realize I am still VERY new at sobriety, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I like the me I am now. Someone sent me a picture with the saying, "I am slowly becoming the man I should have been a long time ago". Love that.

Sweeti, I know its difficult, but I had to decide first and foremost that NOTHING was going to be worth me taking a drink again. It didn't matter what it was, I was going to have to feel it all and deal with whatever it was in sobriety. Until I made that choice with real conviction I was just spinning my wheels. I hope you are feeling better, but from personal experience continued drinking will just continue to rob you of everything you want in life.

sweetichick

Hi Dafunbra
I am currently halfway through day 1. You and Dee both nailed the problem. Finding an excuse to drink and pretending that I will control it this time.Then another binge. I am just spinning my wheels. Life has its ups and downs and I need to stop using the downs.as an excuse. I feel 100percent commited this time. The physical signs that I am slowly dying are all there. Thanks for your reply.,