Hi everyone. I’m new here and somewhat new to the addicted spouse. Long story short, my wife had an addiction problem with pain killers. She started a self detox for a weekend on her own. We then got her admitted to detox for a week. I was so proud of her. She came home clean and sober. We started back to church and everything. We were connecting on a spiritual level now! About a month into her sobriety and at the 12 step program, she started to act distant. She said I was smothering her because I wasn’t letting her have alone time and be with her new friends at her group. I was used to her and I for 11 years, so a little jealousy was there, but I was learning to cope with it. She told me about nar anon meetings and I didn’t go because I just didn’t understand what she was going through. I thought it would just go away on its own, but I know that isn’t the case. Her sister and husband, an on and off user lives in our spare bedroom and never pays bills and my wife never asked them too, even though repeatedly asking her to confront them. That started coming between us. She started staying out late till like 11 then go back out. Constantly texting and phone calls secretly all the time. Changed all her passwords and even blocked me from seeing her friends list on Facebook. She was becoming cold and distant and would never confide in me for anything she was going through. She would never call me or text me and let me know when she was coming home or what she was doing. She told me that I was treating her like a teenager wanting to know once in a while where she was. She’s come home, not say hi and go hang out with her sister and husband all night. Sleep on the couch because she said the bed wasn’t comfy. Hardly any contact. One night she types me a separation letter up and said she needs to find herself and that she needs time to figure stuff out on her own and we should live separately. To help my marriage, I moved to my parents. She claimed there’s nobody else and this is temporary. This was 2 weeks ago. Well, last week, she shows up to our place cause I was moving stuff. In our bedroom, I saw a half used bottle of massage oil on our bed. She said her 5 yr old nephew was rubbing her down. She played it off smoothly. Week after, she drops off some stuff at my work with some dude with her. Turns out it’s someone in her home group. I went outside and saw them holding hands, but I didn’t say anything. She told me he was in her group. I go back to my place next day and there’s some of his stuff in our bedroom and his name on our fridge as this is his home and family now with her name below his. I check our bank account and she’s buying his stuff like cigarettes. I still haven’t confronted her yet, but by judging by our phone records, this has been happening for over a month now. Looks like they whacked up in a hotel room right before Thanksgiving. I’m wondering if he’s 13th stepping her. He looks older than her. Looks like a real scumbag too! Taking advantage of a newly sober vulnerable addict that probably had shame, insecurity issues and didn’t feel attractive even though I told her all the time how beautiful she was.We’ve been married for 15 years now, but 11 of those she was addicted. What would make her do this? He’s staying at my home. I’m playing nice right now pretending I don’t know. How could she do this to her husband of 15 years? It’s lie after lie with her. I still love her and I will talk with her ASAP. I want answers and hopefully I get them. She stated she wanted to feel alive again being sober and independent. Is this a desire to be special and romanced again? Maybe an impulsive fling? They aren’t even supposed to be seeing each other anyway due to relapse and the fact that she is married. Is she looking for a sexual awakening? I don’t know! I just wonder why the hell shed dont this! I wonder if she loves me anymore, even though she has told me, but it’s been a couple of weeks. Do these relationships even last. Sorry for the novel. I just need advice