dizzybee

Hey everyone -

Because I take the support here seriously, I feel I must also be serious in where I am...which is not sober. I'm concerned about the thread I saw about people who go back in, sober folks who fail, and even though I have never had an ongoing run of sobriety it stuck with me. Don't all of us who struggle with addiction also struggle with so much guilt and shame already? Yikes.

I know that thread had nothing to do with me personally, but it's on my mind. Which is why I feel the need to share that I am not sober. I feel awful that I'm another one of *those* - that I'm not strong or well or committed or whatever enough to see this through. But I swear to you it's for right now. I don't know why I thought in this most triggering time of year I could retreat but yeah...it ain't happening. I'm not ready yet AND also aware I'll never be ready. The circumstances aren't supportive.

I'm grateful for this site and the people here. YOU. I felt real and alive when I read messages and post responses, so please know I need and love that. Thank you.

But I'm not honest in being able to confront my addiction right now. I am too caught up in everything with no stable sense of self to fall back on. I'm planning to ride this through and join the January Class - I'm looking forward to it. But I keep thinking about how some folks get frustrated with those of us who fail, and I have failed and failed, God do I know, but I feel worse thinking y'all might judge me.

My prayer (outside of health, wealth, and wholeness in this life) for all of you/US is that we have some softness when we see one another slip, when we see one another struggle. Please be kind with me. I put my honor on the line to only be kind to others.

I regretfully apologize that I will not be able to commit to sobriety for these remaining days of 2018. I look forward to joining you and feeling your support again in 2019. And I will certainly continue reading and engaging with the site to pump myself up, but I feel like a phony posting if I'm not sober.

With gratitude, and with the truest wishes for health for you all,
dizzybee

Ghostlight1

Very eloquent.

Quit when you're ready.
You think you've tried and failed? You should have seen me. If it wasn't so pitiful and pathetic it would be laughable how many times I tired to quit.

It's great you realize your situation. And very brave to put it out there.
You'll quit when you're ready. I have faith in you.

Best to you.

Dee74

Hi Dizzybee

I think the overall point of that thread was to discuss what we as members can do for those still struggling rather than trying to shame anyone.

Last night someone struggling got a lot of help in that thread

I'll never apologise for encouraging people to get sober - but I remember how it used to be.
I respectfully disagree.I think you could.
Check this thread out

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...christmas.html (Quit drinking 6 days before Christmas?)

You are always welcome to post here.

Cards on the table - we'll try to get you to see that quitting now is the best outcome for you - a lot of bad stuff could happen to you between now and January 1....

But we don't shoot our wounded here and this community will not give up on you, so long as you don't give up on yourself

D

esinger

Don't worry about what others think. Doesn't matter and makes no difference to your reality. It's not about pass or fail but in many cases it's about life or death. You have to really want to be clean to get clean. You know you need to but really don't want to. I know the feeling and used every excuse I could to convince myself to delay it. Life had to blow up in my face in order to wake me up.
I really hope you can make changes you know you need to make. It's a big life altering step and I know it seems overwhelming but you can do it.
Good Luck! and good night.

SnazzyDresser

The important thing is to not give up on yourself on the way to getting sober. When you announce an intention to drink to the next few days, it's not gonna go over well here. How is it going over with you? If you really want to get sober and stay that way, right now is always the best time.

snitch

Never quit trying to quit. I have 8 months of sobriety now which is a miracle but my very first AA meeting was 16 years ago! And then again 5 years ago I did the hokey cokey with AA, in out , in out but 8 months ago I was broken. I realised alcohol was my master and totally controlled me and I just could not live that way anymore. So I understand what it is like to not be ready but I think, in my experience anyway, now I have 8 months sober I just really want to say to people who are struggling, come on!!! Please! It IS possible ! Do it , you won't regret it. But it isn't that easy is it? And I know for me personally I couldn't stop drinking until I reached a certain point. But alcoholism is a killer illness. It does and it will take us down. My last drink nearly killed me and if I was still drinking now with the intention to stop in the New Year, I dont know if I would even be alive in the New Year.

You have to do what is right for you but please if you can dig really deep inside of you to find the strength and the willingness to stay sober today, just TODAY then you will be one of the ones (like me) who is in with a chance.

Much love and prayers to you. X x

Helianthus

I heard one of the characters on the TV show Mom say the following when one of them suffered a relapse -

"What do we do when one of us falls? We surround them with love".

It stuck with me and I try to remember that when one of us does fall.

Keep trying dizzybee, if getting sober was easy this website wouldn't exist, we've all been there.

Nonsensical

I have found that setting aside my victim mentality and owning my choices is empowering. I highly recommend it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Derringer

Sweet as .... a lot of people start looking for help well before they're prepared to actually stop.

Months ... even years in some cases.

The trick is of course ... holding onto relationships, jobs, kids, licences, cars, houses and other such things.

Those things do tend to slip away the longer it goes on.

Oh and avoiding jail is good too. Jails usually have quite a few inmates who can't remember doing what they are in for due to alcoholic blackout.

Imagine that

Eddiebuckle

HI Dizzy,

The difference between those that make it from those who do not is they picked themselves up one more time than the number of times they stumbled. Any body who got sober the first time they said "never again" probably wasn't an alcoholic to begin with. Personally, I was saying that as a teenager... I didn't get sober until I was in my forties. That's a whole lot of "Never agains" but here I am, happily sober nine years in.

You can do this.

SoberSeamstress

I have failed over and over and over again. I've even been to treatment and AA, had a sponsor and everything. I don't judge anyone who falls off the wagon. This is HARD. I will be here supporting you in January.

biminiblue

That's a pretty dangerous thing to say, (emphasis mine.)

I was well and truly a long-term alcoholic.

When I joined this site, I stated that I was done.

When I went to my first AA meeting, I stated I was done. I don't know that I ever said that before. I definitely swore off for a few days when I was super hungover, but I never said, "done." I had a bunch of years where I didn't drink, but I never thought of myself as done-for-life like I do now.

I haven't had a drink since. Coming up on five years. I said it and I meant it.

It's absolutely possible to get it right without turning back.

Wholesome

I tried and failed to quit drinking for like 10 years before it finally stuck. Stick around SR and keep reading and posting, this place will seriously mess with your drinking! There is a lot of wisdom and support here and it's for people who are struggling to quit. Never give up!

lessgravity

I'm so sorry to hear that Dizz. But I think trying and failing and trying again is the norm for those of us with problems with alcohol. You aren't the exception, what you are is someone who is driven to this site and who has something inside of you that desperately wants to get sober. You need to find a way to nurture and focus on whatever that thing is inside you that keeps bringing you back here. You have to use whatever means you can to protect and to make that part of yourself stronger and to allow that part of yourself to finally be free. The only way to do so is to stop drinking. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling but of course I hope you continue to post and stay around this site.

CupofJoe

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. I struggled for years to quit and I sometimes felt judged, too. That being said, I also know what it's like to quit and remain sober for years. I've been on both sides of it, so to speak. I've never forgotten how bad it got. I want other people to remain sober and, like everyone else here, we want nothing more than for you to succeed. Any perceived harshness, I'm sure, is aimed at the addiction, not the individual people. It's just that when we're in the throes of active addiction, we can't always see the distinction.

That being said, I'm not sure, as far as our addicted brains go, there's ever a perfect time to quit. It's tough--but it's worth doing whatever you can to get sober. December, January, New Year's--those are all simply arbitrary markings of time. The one thing that is constant is that we ourselves have to face down the addiction. Now is the only time we have. (And I couldn't do it alone. I needed help and there's no shame in that.)

It's your life, so of course, make your own decisions. But please consider whether YOU are making your decision or your addiction is.

I wish you well, whatever you decide.

Anna

Dizz, I don't get frustrated with people who are working on getting sober, but not making it. You will always have my support. I still remember when I was at my bottom and I had no one, not my husband or family, who had faith in me. My cat and I became the closest of companions, but she never left me and she could always see that there was hope. And, there is always hope.

Hevyn

Dizzybee - We're always going to be here to listen & help if we can. I'm thankful you're determined to not give up.

I drank 30 yrs. and had a couple false starts. In my heart I knew I wasn't going to settle for the awful life I was leading. I got free (10+ years) and so can you. We are with you.

Highercall

rayna87

Dee74

I think we all get used to the immediate gratification of the bottle and we're disappointed, to varying degrees, when sobriety is a lot slower with it's rewards.

Trying to judge a sober life by a few weeks, a few months or even 90 days is like trying to imagine a waterfall by turning on the tap in the bathroom....

Still, you sounded pretty happy in some of those sober periods Rayna. Re-read some of those old threads

All I can say is I'd rather be 10 days sober on New Years than intending to quit January 1 and still trying to quit in April - and I've done that many many times in my life.

Everyone gets a finite number of days to live - why waste any more of them?

D