Buster

Hi - My DH is an alcoholic. At the moment he is waiting to start a 30 program - it is not until 4 January - he has not had a drink for 17 days - yesterday he decided to celebrate that with having a few drinks - he didn't come home until late and I pretended I was asleep and I left for work this morning before he woke up. I guess my question is - how do I handle the "falling off the wagon" He had been doing really well up until now and I was so proud of him - now i am so disappointed. Do i say nothing and let him stew in his own mess or do I say something and let him know how annoyed, upset, disapointed I am??????

H-E-L-P !

Gabe

Hey Buster, welcome to Sober Recovery.
No sense pretending that you don't know he was drinking.
You certainly have every right to voice your feelings in a hearable way.
My guess is that he will get defensive.
He's probably feeling pretty guilty about the slip.
I'm glad you found us.
Stick around.
There are a lot of people here who understand what you're going through.
Gabe

Cadence57

Can't say it any better than Gabe. Welcome Buster - glad you found us but sorry you need to be here.

tootiredmom

you do what you want. the first time I found out that my husband slipped I flipped! I am used to it now and I don't even worry about it now. If he slips, it is his problem. I don't like to even talk to him about it if he slips cause some how, if he knows I know, he blames it on me. I did something that made him drink. Additionally, now when he slips, he only drinks one or two beers and he doesn't get drunk so I guess... it isn't that big of a deal, although I know it isn't what the aa program says should happen, but as long as my kids are safe, I don't care if he drinks a beer now and then, just as long as he leaves me alone.

Dee at Mt Bully

I think it's pretty common in the beginning for A's to slip. My AH has slipped once that he admits to. I mentioned it when I was sure about it and of course it was my fault because I made him angry. I believe it takes a while for them to learn how to handle
thier emotions without alcohol. In other words they have to live in the real world. If
there is a rule about confronting them or not I haven't heard it. I think it depends on
what works for you. This web sight helps me alot--just reading and knowing I'm not alone and there aren't any hard and fast rules. You just do the best you can.
Smiles--Dee

gracie232

I'm new to this site too. I found out the my bf has been drinking again. He went through treatment 3+ years ago. We started dating 2 years ago....he told me that he didn't drink......that he was sober. Duh me. I didn't find out until we moved in together.....well, I guess that I knew it all along, but the denial was a wonderful thing. He says that he knows he has a problem and TOLD me that he went to an AA meeting......trouble is......what do I believe now? Does it matter? I want him healthy, but at this point i'm feeling so confused on what to believe or not to believe. I've been reading codependent no more.....I think I need to buy it on tape and play it over and over and over and over. I know i'm rambling now.....but i just feel very lost........thanks for listening........
Gracie

Cadence57

Hi Gracie232,
Welcome. I remember that feeling of betrayal when I found out that my exA b/f did, indeed, drink (he also said he was a non drinker - never once admitted that it was or is a problem). Like you I kinda knew all along but... ah denial... It was like a kick in the gut when I finally realized that he was a full blown alcoholic.
You're in a good place here - lots of great advice! Co-Dependent No More is a great book - it really opened my eyes.
Marti

gracie232

Thanks Marti!
Funny thing is when I put 2 and 2 together and realized that he was drinking, he finally came clean and said that yes, he was drinking again. He bounces back and forth between saying he has a problem and saying that the reason he went to treatment was because of his ex wife. I don't even discuss it with him anymore. I don't know what is my place to say or not to say. I know i'm Co-Dependent...i've had enough relationships with A's to know that. I'm trying hard to get myself to where I need to be, but I don't know what i'm supposed to say or do when it comes to my bf. I do know that he has to want to get help....want to be sober.....i'm not sure that's what he wants. He says it, but I think it's because he's afraid i'll leave him if he doesn't. My big thing was, how long do I wait and see if he's gonna get help? Now I know that no one can tell me that. I just don't trust myself anymore. I don't know if he's been drinking, I can't tell. I feel stupid, but it's been so long since i've been around it, that I just feel dumb. I know i'm not a stupid person, so why can't I tell????????

Buster

Well...I did let rip a little - he knows I was mad as hell. It wasn't just the fact that he had a few beers....he also wrote up about $150 worth of cheques - that is money we just don't have and I AM NOT paying for them this time. I have done it so many times in the past - he needs to accepts the consequences of his actions this time.
We tried to see if the centre could take him earlier than Jan, but they have no spaces....til then I just have to hope that things don't get so bad. If he doesn't go & get the treatment...that is is - we are over - it is our last chance at a "normal" life - we have a 2yr son and we both deserve better that this