Alcohol in your home
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 241
Alcohol in your home
My husbands brothers are coming into town, staying with us this weekend. This is usually a time for excess drinking. I am 90 days sober, going strong, working a program, changing everything in my life. Husband and I are not on the best of terms. And asking for no drinking in our home won’t be respected. I haven’t given much thought to this weekend, until tonight. Driving home from work My AV popped into my head and said “You know this weekend you could get away with drinking, no one would know, and Monday you could go right back to recovery”. I’ve been pretty strong, and my AV has been pretty quiet. This upset me how easily it was there. I’m now anxious, and stressed about this weekend. I plan to hit up a lot of my regular aa meetings, and will talk to my sponsor when she is off work tonight. Just wanted to reach out to you guys here. I really want to do this right.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I'm sorry that your views won't be respected.
I run a dry home, but I don't have to answer to anyone in that respect.
I'm sure you can get through this Kiki.
Hitting some meetings wont hurt.
Having a personal space- bedroom or somewhere - that you can go to over the weekend wouldn't hurt either.
D
I run a dry home, but I don't have to answer to anyone in that respect.
I'm sure you can get through this Kiki.
Hitting some meetings wont hurt.
Having a personal space- bedroom or somewhere - that you can go to over the weekend wouldn't hurt either.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 241
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm sorry that your views won't be respected.
I run a dry home, but I don't have to answer to anyone in that respect.
I'm sure you can get through this Kiki.
Hitting some meetings wont hurt.
Having a personal space- bedroom or somewhere - that you can go to over the weekend wouldn't hurt either.
D
I run a dry home, but I don't have to answer to anyone in that respect.
I'm sure you can get through this Kiki.
Hitting some meetings wont hurt.
Having a personal space- bedroom or somewhere - that you can go to over the weekend wouldn't hurt either.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 177
I'd take it day by day rather then thinking iv to put up with this for the whole weekend i.e. Once first night is over with you ll find rest of weekend much easier, they ll have noticed your not drinking by then so you won't be under any pressure to drink for remainder of wknd ,
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Kik,
Consider this, you will get a front row seat of how ugly being drunk is.
I see drunk people all the time and it reinforces my sobriety. Even the folks that drink normally, after a couple of hours, seem extra tired. They lose their pop.
We have a big work party tonight and I am looking forward to the dressing up, food, and festival. I know there are going to be several folks that get regrettably drunk.
Now that I hate booze, these kind of functions strengthen me rather than weaken me. Being intoxicated is just not a good look.
Nobody wants to look drunk. It is a necessary evil associated with the euphoria and escape of being drunk. I get high on life now and will never need booze again.
Hope this helps you.
Thanks.
Consider this, you will get a front row seat of how ugly being drunk is.
I see drunk people all the time and it reinforces my sobriety. Even the folks that drink normally, after a couple of hours, seem extra tired. They lose their pop.
We have a big work party tonight and I am looking forward to the dressing up, food, and festival. I know there are going to be several folks that get regrettably drunk.
Now that I hate booze, these kind of functions strengthen me rather than weaken me. Being intoxicated is just not a good look.
Nobody wants to look drunk. It is a necessary evil associated with the euphoria and escape of being drunk. I get high on life now and will never need booze again.
Hope this helps you.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
Hi Kiki. My husband brings alcohol into our home as well. I have asked him not to but he still does. When this happens I take my kids and we check ourselves into a hotel until his friends are gone and the house is clean. I just turn it into a stay cation and the kids and I have a blast. My sponsor was actually the one to give me this idea. I also go to meetings and stay connected with my sober friends. 💕. Congratulations on 90 days!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
There is gonna be a many a things in life that
will make you, we, us uncomfortable. However,
we don't have to create uncomfortableness
for ourselves. We dont have to make situations
any harder than they already are.
For the most part, we want to avoid them or
making them.
Early recovery is hard enough as it is as
many of us already know and have experienced.
Each day, every event, is a learning experience.
Sometimes we have to go thru something in
order to learn from it. To possibly avoid making
mistakes that would set us back a few or more
steps.
What we are trying to achieve in life is to
grow, strengthen, achieve, better ourselves
to become the best, healthiest, happiest,
honest sober/clean person we can be as we
move forward in life.
For me, I had to learn that no one is gonna
take care of me and my sobriety but me. It
is up to me to protect it to the best of my
human ability to keep it strong and solid so
I can live comfortably upon it down the road.
Family and holidays can be a tricky situation.
With alcohol, drugs, prescription meds, narcotics,
all that toxic, harmful substances folks use today,
they all can affect people differently and we never
know what to expect.
I, speaking for myself, even with this many
years of sobriety, I know what my family is
capable of and it is up to me to draw the line
and not allow any of them to come close to
me and my protective sobriety.
Even if it means they are not welcomed in
my home. The only place that I can call my own.
My sanctuary. My security from the outside
world.
This is your home, your rules, your recovery,
and up to you do whatever it takes to protect
it no matter what anyone else says.
Take care of you and your sobriety. Hold on
to your recovery lifelines to help you remain
sober during this time.
And if you want, there are hotels for family
members to stay instead of your home. Celebrate
at a restaurant and have an escape plan or
honest reason to leave quickly when you have
had enough.
This is just a few of my thoughts to share
with you.
will make you, we, us uncomfortable. However,
we don't have to create uncomfortableness
for ourselves. We dont have to make situations
any harder than they already are.
For the most part, we want to avoid them or
making them.
Early recovery is hard enough as it is as
many of us already know and have experienced.
Each day, every event, is a learning experience.
Sometimes we have to go thru something in
order to learn from it. To possibly avoid making
mistakes that would set us back a few or more
steps.
What we are trying to achieve in life is to
grow, strengthen, achieve, better ourselves
to become the best, healthiest, happiest,
honest sober/clean person we can be as we
move forward in life.
For me, I had to learn that no one is gonna
take care of me and my sobriety but me. It
is up to me to protect it to the best of my
human ability to keep it strong and solid so
I can live comfortably upon it down the road.
Family and holidays can be a tricky situation.
With alcohol, drugs, prescription meds, narcotics,
all that toxic, harmful substances folks use today,
they all can affect people differently and we never
know what to expect.
I, speaking for myself, even with this many
years of sobriety, I know what my family is
capable of and it is up to me to draw the line
and not allow any of them to come close to
me and my protective sobriety.
Even if it means they are not welcomed in
my home. The only place that I can call my own.
My sanctuary. My security from the outside
world.
This is your home, your rules, your recovery,
and up to you do whatever it takes to protect
it no matter what anyone else says.
Take care of you and your sobriety. Hold on
to your recovery lifelines to help you remain
sober during this time.
And if you want, there are hotels for family
members to stay instead of your home. Celebrate
at a restaurant and have an escape plan or
honest reason to leave quickly when you have
had enough.
This is just a few of my thoughts to share
with you.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I don't like the idea of trying to pin my sobriety on the actions of others. History has shown me that, sooner or later, I'll be disappointed because someone will just not live up to my selfish expectations of them. Seeing that I'M the problem in this equation, not them and/or their behaviors, is a relief because I can take actions to change myself. Trying to force others to take actions, possibly against their will, so that their lifestyles will suit me...... well, that's not very likely to happen, not on a regular basis anyway and even when it does, most of them do it begrudgingly and haven't stuck with my program for them for long. Besides, I'M the one with the problem here, not them.
I get that you don't want booze around you but I look back at my drinking career I find I reached a place where I was powerless over alcohol. If it was around or if it wasn't - because I'd just go buy some if I didn't have any. It's presence wasn't the problem - my active alcoholism was the problem. Arrest the alcoholism (which I did through the 12 steps) then it won't matter how much booze, or drinking, or whatever is around. Get with your sponsor - sounds like a step in the right direction.
I get that you don't want booze around you but I look back at my drinking career I find I reached a place where I was powerless over alcohol. If it was around or if it wasn't - because I'd just go buy some if I didn't have any. It's presence wasn't the problem - my active alcoholism was the problem. Arrest the alcoholism (which I did through the 12 steps) then it won't matter how much booze, or drinking, or whatever is around. Get with your sponsor - sounds like a step in the right direction.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,163
I would leave. I would go to a movie, hang out some place until your husband is asleep, or I would sleep in my car.
However, I have found that my drinking friends are surprisingly respectful of my not drinking, even if I assure them I'm OK with them drinking, they abstain or drink responsibly, except for one guy, who seems to need alcohol to function on an even keel. While I feel secure in my sobriety, I would leave at the drop of a hat, as soon as I felt offended or insecure.
I don't have to plan an escape route for special occasions. I don't think about it. It's just there forever imprinted in my brain as plan B to save my sobriety when all other alternatives fail. My car keys are always in my pocket, so I'm ready to go anytime.
That your husband would blow you off if you asked him to drink somewhere else, just isn't very nice. There is a level of non compromise there that goes beyond not respecting you to intentionally disrespecting you. I don't know how you put up with it.
However, I have found that my drinking friends are surprisingly respectful of my not drinking, even if I assure them I'm OK with them drinking, they abstain or drink responsibly, except for one guy, who seems to need alcohol to function on an even keel. While I feel secure in my sobriety, I would leave at the drop of a hat, as soon as I felt offended or insecure.
I don't have to plan an escape route for special occasions. I don't think about it. It's just there forever imprinted in my brain as plan B to save my sobriety when all other alternatives fail. My car keys are always in my pocket, so I'm ready to go anytime.
That your husband would blow you off if you asked him to drink somewhere else, just isn't very nice. There is a level of non compromise there that goes beyond not respecting you to intentionally disrespecting you. I don't know how you put up with it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
It doesn't and didn't affect me. My wife drinks occasionally and has what she drinks in the fridge. I didn't think it would be right to ask everyone around to stop doing something that is only a problem for me.
That being said if it will be a problem for you you need to address it and take the appropriate measures to make sure you stay safe in your sobriety.
That being said if it will be a problem for you you need to address it and take the appropriate measures to make sure you stay safe in your sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 241
Originally Posted by Sunflower79
Hi Kiki. My husband brings alcohol into our home as well. I have asked him not to but he still does. When this happens I take my kids and we check ourselves into a hotel until his friends are gone and the house is clean. I just turn it into a stay cation and the kids and I have a blast. My sponsor was actually the one to give me this idea. I also go to meetings and stay connected with my sober friends. 💕. Congratulations on 90 days!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 241
Thank you for the reply’s everyone. I think leaving might be the best option for me.
My alcoholic drinking was done in my home, in “secret” so having alcohol in the house is a trigger for me. Or makes me uncomfortable. Being in restaurants or others homes while people have been drinking hasn’t bothered me at all.
But at this point in our relationship, all the strain I put on it. I really don’t have a leg to stand on to ask for him to change his drinking. If that makes sense. Like I mentioned above, it’s complicated.
My alcoholic drinking was done in my home, in “secret” so having alcohol in the house is a trigger for me. Or makes me uncomfortable. Being in restaurants or others homes while people have been drinking hasn’t bothered me at all.
But at this point in our relationship, all the strain I put on it. I really don’t have a leg to stand on to ask for him to change his drinking. If that makes sense. Like I mentioned above, it’s complicated.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
You are trying to remain sober. Alcohol in the house is a big trigger, especially in the early days. Your drinking put a strain on the relationship...why wouldn't he help you try and remain sober?
I think you have two legs to stand on.
I think you have two legs to stand on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
I think it's a wise decision to leave, with it being so early in your sobriety
Later on, with more time, you can use these situations to build ' sober muscles' but now is perhaps a little soon.
I wonder how he will react to you not being there though? Is that going to cause conflict? Either way, you need to put your own health first.
We are all only a 'sign in' away - be strong
Later on, with more time, you can use these situations to build ' sober muscles' but now is perhaps a little soon.
I wonder how he will react to you not being there though? Is that going to cause conflict? Either way, you need to put your own health first.
We are all only a 'sign in' away - be strong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 241
Thank you everyone. It really is so helpful to have this website, to log in when I need support. It’s saturday and I’m sober about to go to bed. I stayed with my mom for a Christmas cookie day, and did some shopping while she watched the kids.
I know eventually I will need to confront some issues in my relationship, especially the feelings of me being the “bad” one, so I will never have a say in anything. But for now, I only have it in me to stay sober and get stronger in my recovery.
I know eventually I will need to confront some issues in my relationship, especially the feelings of me being the “bad” one, so I will never have a say in anything. But for now, I only have it in me to stay sober and get stronger in my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Kiki I applaud your plan and your line of thinking and self awareness. From what you’ve said leaving sounds like the best thing to do. Many wouldn’t have the practicality in them to say that staying sober is all they can do - right now- and the relationship issues inherent in this story will have to come later. Good on you for seeing that.
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