Mango212

Browsing radio stations I caught part of a talk show and a discussion about how to approach certain stages/seasons/phases of relationships. It reminded me of many things that kept my attention away from the actual issues of dealing with alcoholism in my life.

This is a counter-intuitive, baffling disease.

Special help from those who have been through recovery, who understand the "isms" as much as the addiction and have healthy skills to pass on are found in many places. It may be certain therapists or counselors, it may be rehab centers and family programs. Perhaps Celebrate Recovery, AA and Alanon, Adult Children of Alcoholics (...and other dysfunctional families, as their greeting says!), etc. There are other ways people recovery, too. Many paths, many ways to find hope, happiness and healing. We each are in charge of our own recovery, not the recovery of our loved ones. As one person finds new recovery skills, everything changes.

Simply my experience and thoughts on my mind. Take what you like and leave the rest.

PeacefulWater12

This has been my experience too.

Anything to do with addiction for both the sufferer and the people around them is the exact opposite of what feels intuitive.

Different to dealing with any other problem, again for both sides.

Very confusing and feels so wrong.

OpheliaKatz

Yes this was totally my experience too. For that reason, a lot of the therapists I went to only made the situation worse. I got advice such as: if you discuss it, you can come back together as a couple... or if you try to understand why he's drugging himself, it will help you "come back together as a couple". It's important to find therapists and/or programs that deal with addiction/codependency specifically. I wish society knew more about addiction/codependency because I often find the issue is over-simplified: "Your husband is an addict? Why don't you make him go to rehab?" Or, "but he's been to rehab so he's not an addict anymore."

Mango212

My alcoholic husband doesn't know where I'm living. I don't know which rehab he's going to, other than it's one of the ones local to him. He didn't know if there's a family week. If there is, I'll be contacted by staff or my husband and will be there.

I was able to say, "It's not my business." "I love you." "I'll be there." and move forward with taking care of the many things I have going on in my life. My breath. My happiness. My footsteps.

We've been through two rehabs "together", with me involved, planning out my schedule around his, bringing him anything he needed and being brought in by staff to know about the aftercare planning. This is not my place to be this time. The stress of wondering if he's following through isn't healthy for either of us. I've seen many people take many paths to recovery. The one that works best for me is "One Day at a Time", praying, meditating and following my Higher Power's guidance.

How this works is beyond me.


#thankyougod
#healingactions

Mango212

Conventional wisdom also means nothing when narcissists are involved.

My mom just forwarded a private text sent from my husband to her. WTF?!

I deleted it without reading it. Continuing No Contact with her. Continuing on with my day. Shifting gears into "turn on Christmas music, sing and wrap Santa gifts". I bought a few small things yesterday. Allowing God/Mother Earth to transform my feelings, emotions and life.

Edit. > I'm going to do a heart meditation too. Allowing an open heart while wrapping these special presents.


#thankyougod

OpheliaKatz

Mango, I probably missed something, but it seems as if your mother is enmeshed in an unhealthy situation with your husband. Anyway, it's good that you are NC with both of them right now. Focus on other things.

Mango212

Focus on other things.

Thank you OK. Great advice. Will do!