MissBird

For the last four/five years I've been lurking around this site, usually after a big binge and wondering if I have a problem. I'm 33 and have been aware that the way I drink is not normal. I don't want to go further down this path, because I'm noticing things are starting to destruct due to my drinking and would like to halt the process before it's too late. I've taken a couple of days off work to get my head straight. I'll be reading more around here and trying to work out a plan to secure my sobriety.

Thanks for reading.

Delilah1

Welcome ti the posting side of SR Miss Bird!! You will find lots of support on here, and I promise you that getting sober will be the very best thing you've ever done for yourself.

You shluld join the December of 2018 class, you'll be surrounded by others who have committed or recommitted to sobriety this month. Also, the 24 hour thread is a great place to check in each day.

Just think, by the time the New Year comes along you will already have several weeks of sobriety under your belt.

Glad you're here!

❤️Delilah

DriGuy

I wondered if I had a problem for 20 years before I came to grips with the question. The first time it came up was just a simple question asked me by a girlfriend. She was not accusing me, but was just wondering if I thought I had a problem. I was taken aback, but I would revisit that question on my own for years and years.

Did I have a problem when my girlfriend asked me? Maybe, but I'm not sure. But I do know that 1 year later I did have a problem, although I wasn't owning up to it yet. Years went by as my drinking progressed and I consumed more alcohol and more often, and I kept asking the question, until I quite suddenly entered a downward spiral, and I came to grips with my condition.

Seeing it all now in retrospect with a clear headed objective view, I had a problem long before I hit the spiral. The progression was slow at first, and I kept telling myself I was just a guy that liked to drink, not an alcoholic. God, I hate that word. But it is what it is, and I am what I am.

I'm loath to label others, but you made some interesting observations:

1. You've been lurking around this site
2. After a big binge, you wonder if you have a problem.
3. You are aware that the way you drink is not normal.
4. You are noticing things are starting to destruct due to drinking.

You are 5 years ahead of where I was at 33, and I'm quite confident in that perception. Are you an alcoholic? Without committing to a definite answer, I'd say you are a very high risk. My gut reaction is probably you are.

Are you ready to quit drinking? Where is your bottom (that point where you take action to stop the downward slide)?

As an afterthought, I remember reading; I think it was a comment from Bill Wilson in the AA Big Book. He said, "If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you could try quitting for one year."

I remember reading it and bursting out laughing. If I had a mouthful of alcohol at the time I would have spewed it all over the book and the table. I thought to myself, "ONE YEAR WITHOUT DRINKING??? I'd know in three days that I had a problem."

DreamCatcher17

Hi, welcome MissBird.

I too am 33 and I am so happy that over a year ago I made the decision to be sober and rid the toxicity of alcohol and what and who came with it.

This will not be a decision you ever regret. Continuing to drink will give you enough regret.

I wish you the best,
DC

Culture

Like you I was a binge drinker, unlike you I didn't stop in my 30's I just carried on going and as most people on here will tell you it is progressive.
Your gut is telling you something that maybe you should listen to, if you think you have a problem it is best to knock the drinking on the head now and save yourself years of pain and damage.
IME, it has been much simpler to not even have one drink than to be able to stop after one or two. When I accepted the fact that I couldn't moderate it at all, stopping completely became much easier.
I'm now 16 months sober and although it can be tough, I do not regret even one of those days, because I got my life back.

least

Welcome to the family Miss Bird. I hope we can help you get sober for good.

TheHook210

MissBird

Thanks for your post DriGuy. I know deep down that I am an alcoholic. That the thirst for alcohol exponentially increases when I have that first sip. I think that because I know this in my gut, any time I drink I feel deeply uncomfortable with myself. As if I'm fooling myself that I'm a "normal" drinker. I don't want to slip any further down than I am now. I know that I'm on a knife-edge right now. If I don't do something about it, if I don't commit to sobriety then I'll lose an awful lot more, and very quickly. I'm seeing that making the change towards being a poster on the forum is the beginning of owning my sober journey.

DreamCatcher-having a year of sobriety is an amazing achievement. Well done! That's something I dearly hope to have this time next year :-)

Delilah-thanks for the tips on how to make the most of the site. I am excited to be making the change now, just before the holiday period, so that I won't start the next year feeling jaded, tired and sick.

Culture-yup, I totally get you. It might be difficult at times but it'll surely be a whole lot more rewarding and fulfilling than the life I've been trying to maintain whilst in a state of ambivalence around am I/aren't I an alcoholic.

Thanks for the welcome Least. It really does feel like a family from what I've been reading today.