TomTriesAgain

Hello everyone,

This is my first post. I’ve been lurking for a while, but I think it is time for me to take the leap.

I’m an everyday drinker, and I definitely have a problem. By some standards I probably don’t [yet] drink large quantities, maybe 2/3 of a bottle of wine per night (or equivalent amount of some other alcohol), but it is becoming a problem for me. I don’t sleep well due to alcohol, I’ve slowly been gaining weight, and I don’t feel well when I drink.

I wish I could give a good reason as to why I ended up with a drinking problem, but I don’t. I have no trauma in my past, I don’t struggle with anxiety, I didn’t have an “instant love affair” with alcohol, and so on. Alcohol is simply a means to wind down after work. I’m CEO of a biotech company, and as the company has grown and become successful over the past 10 years, the work has also become more intense, so I slowly started drinking at night to take the edge off.

I was sober for 3 years, and it felt great, but I slowly slipped back this year, for no good reason at all.

So, it is time. I don’t trust myself enough to do this on my own, so I thought I’ll post here for accountability, and to say hi to all of you good folks. I’m so impressed with all of you, this is such a genuine place, and I find it motivating to be here.

Thank you for listening, I look forward to sobriety again together with all of you.

Tom

August252015

Glad you are here! Changing that username to TomDoesItThisTime or the like is a great mind-shift, perhaps.

If you haven't, maybe take a look at the Class of Dec 2018 thread- people getting sober this month like you.

Stick with us.

Culture

Hi Tom and welcome to SR

SnazzyDresser

Now is definitely the time! All the best to you, Tom. You sound like more of a doer than a tryer as my buddy Yoda might say, that's where it's at in sobriety.

TomTriesAgain

Thank you all for the warm welcome and support. Yes, you are probably right that I’m a doer, I’ll make sure that my nickname is a misnomer! The “trying” part referred to my previous stint in sobriety, but it should probably be TomGoesSoberAgain.

Thank you again!

DriGuy

You don't need past trauma, a diagnosed psychological disorder, or anything wrong in your life to be an alcoholic. For whatever reason, nature, nurture, or factors not understood even by medical science, you got tagged and predisposed to the condition.

The idea is often promoted in the general population that you have to fix yourself either before or after you put down the bottle, mend those fences and right the wrongs or you won't really be sober. At best you will be something called a dry drunk, as if a vital part of your make up has been neglected, and you are only half a person.

I disagree strongly. While it may be typical of many alcoholics, it is not a given and true of every alcoholic, at least not any more so than the population at large. We are all different. Go to a meeting of alcoholics and get to know them, some quite obviously have their sh*t in working order, while some have done everything possible to wreck their lives, and have a ton of things to fix.

The one problem common to alcoholics across the board is that they need to put their alcoholism in remission. Why it's there is still not understood, with blanks filled in by speculation and philosophy, but it will keep getting worse. After you put the alcoholism into remission, you can go about learning, growing, and sorting like normal people do (or often don't do). But you came here to fix the drinking. Let's work on that.

That's one of thousands of ways alcoholism starts if you have the predisposition.

Rd2quit

Tom, welcome to the group. I can relate to some of the same things. I had a happy childhood, I have not had to experience a traumatic event, and I don't have anxiety. I would drink after work and it got out of control. I was drinking quite a bit more than you and it was causing depression.

Citrus

Welcome to SR Tom! This is a great place for support. Post often!

Fearlessat50

Hi Tom, Good to see you here. I’m sure you have already seen that folks with a bad alcohol habit come from all walks of life. I myself came from a dysfunctional family, have anxiety and present life circumstances that fuel my anxiety. Many others had and have a good life, no anxiety, and simply drink out of habit. There are those who are low functioning, maybe homeless. The quintessential alcoholic. I was highly functional, even successful, and hit a high bottom. My journey has been very private both in my heavy drinking days when I progressed to drinking in isolation, to my recovery days.

I’m so glad I found this site because it definitely has helped with accountability. It makes me feel that I am not alone. There is a sense of community and a shared bond here.

I believe that it doesn’t matter what led a person to daily drinking, and a person doesn’t need to have a family history of alcoholism. Alcoholism can develop simply out of habit and because it is a drug after all, and it changes our brain chemistry, leading to addiction.

I thought it would be easy getting sober. I had many attempts and countless relapses. Every relapse was worse than the last. I didn’t start to achieve longer term sobriety until I started really working on myself, changing my thoughts, habits and choices. I’ve had a bit of therapy and do yoga and meditation. I work out like crazy. I love recovery books (both personal stories and educational ones like David Scheff’s Clean). I will never let myself get complacent again. Recovery is a life long journey for me.

I like your idea to make your name a misnomer. Make it Tomfinallydoesit.

Spider

Well, you're easy to root for (as everyone similarly afflicted is). You seem like a really nice guy with a lot to live for. Good on being clean, for real.

Dee74

Welcome aboard Tom

D

least

Welcome to the family Tom. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

AtomicBlue

Welcome Tom!
There are much healthier and (extremely better in the long run) ways of winding down after work than drinking. They just usually require a little more effort and maybe sometimes getting out of your comfort zone. I recommend replacing the drink with healthy habits (don't just not drink).

Kdon853

TomTriesAgain

Thank you all so much for good advice and a warm welcome!

First night is going well, I’m ready to go to sleep, and I look forward to feeling fresh when I wake up tomorrow.

Knowing myself, I think my big challenge will be a few days from now, when my reasons for going sober only seem intellectual, not... real. I can win most intellectual debates, even against myself if that’s all that’s standing between me and the sweet reward by the end of the day.

@AtomicBlue: Thats a very wise suggestion, to find habits that can replace drinking. Not just not drink. I think that is a risk I have to be mindful of.

tursiops999

Welcome, Tom. My story was a lot like yours ... as the years went by I gradually developed a habit of a few glasses of wine after work to "unwind". At a certain point, it just didn't feel healthy any more. After four years alcohol-free, I feel much better in every way. I did come up with some replacement habits in the early months, to give me a new focus in those hours right after work. Now it's second nature to not drink when I get home, and I don't miss it.

Good for you for making a smart choice ... stick close here, we're rooting for ya.

AAPJ

Welcome Tom,

Given your position and income you are an excellent candidate for a private psychotherapist who works with alcohol and addiction problems.

Another suggestion for your consideration. Level 5 leadership. The book (GTG) and associated leadership concept were originally recommended to our management team by an NEA partner about 15 years ago. It changed my life professionally and personally.

https://www.jimcollins.com/concepts/...eadership.html

DriGuy

Get ready to apply some muscle in the next couple of days, by day three, I would be climbing the walls, and that's where I would pick up. For me, getting through the first week told me I was in sobriety for good, but day three, was the hardest. That's not a hard fast rule for everyone of course, but when a craving pops up unexpectedly, be ready to hold your ground.

You might want to report in every day, and give us an update. Nightly meetings helped me that way. For whatever reason, I felt like I needed to report someplace and let people know how I was.

Threshold

Welcome on board Tom!

If using anything begins to affect our wellbeing and experience of life it's a good time to put it down and find healthier, more useful ways to address the stresses of life.

Good news is we don't have to wait till we've dug ourselves in too deeply or have ended up in jail or the hospital over it.

In other words, it's a great day to stop!

What surprised me was that even though I wasn't a street drug user, two bottle a day alcoholic homeless derelict, when I came to these forums and walked into a 12 step meeting, I could relate to the thought processes, feelings, and internal dialogue of most of the addicts in the room.

Generally, we suffer the same malady, and the good news is that what worked for others worked for me. Having community helped a TON! So it's great to have you on board.

AtomicBlue

Just checking in. How are you doing Tom? I was similar to DriGuy in that I’d regularly go 2 days without drinking but going 3 days was becoming very hard. Then with some serious attempts at quitting I would fold at 2 weeks until I sought help.
I also wanted to rephrase. Sometimes in the beginning a person does have to just not drink. Have to break out of the physical addiction cycle.
This isn’t your first rodeo at sobriety though. Hopefully you can make it stick this time