hosperanza

So I've never made a post like this in a forum before, I didn't even know what ACOA meant. I just want to vent I suppose, I'm sorry if this is the wrong forum or anything.

So my mum is drinking again. She's always been on and off drinking for most of my teenage years and was consistently drinking when I was younger. She's just started again after a year or so of being sober and I feel quite heartbroken again. There's nothing new about this. Recently, I started counselling for anxiety and a lot of my past has been brought back up and so my mum drinking again feels like a real punch in the stomach. My therapist used the term 'domestic abuse' to describe my childhood. I never thought at my childhood like that before as my mum is a high-functioning alcoholic, she never hit me and she always turned up to my parent's evenings - albeit drunk. But the more I think about it there was a lot of emotional abuse and often I was the parent. I think realising this I'm starting to become resentful of constantly looking after her when my older siblings don't bother and I'm only 23 trying to complete my MSc qualification. I'm forever trying to fix situations and come up with solutions in my life. But I feel like I've come to the realisation that she'll never truly be sober and I'll have to accept that I'm not enough to fix her. I don't know if maybe it's time to walk away and I wonder if that's harder than staying.

I don't really know what I'll gain from this post, it's just been a hard night for me. Thank you so much for reading

dandylion

hosperanza….since you are "only venting"....I am going to go out on a limb and respond to your post....I hope that you don't mind.....

I think it is excellent that you are seeing a therapist for these issues....
I wonder if you are going to ACOA meetings and/or reading their literature?
If not, I think you will get a lot of understanding and support through ACOA meetings and reading....(in addition to the counseling, of course)…..

I don't think you would, necessarily, need to cut your m other, completely, out of your life....but, you sure don't need to hang around and enable her...."fixing"=enabling.
I DO think that you will need to learn to establish boundaries that protect you from her alcoholism.....
….It looks like you have been the "designated o ne", in the family, "assigned" to look after (enable) your mother...?

Keeping in mind, that, I don't know anything about your family situation....
In many extended families...in some cultures...it is common for the children to look after ...or, help, their aging parents....
Bit, I am referring to normal healthy families, without addictions or alcoholism....
I definitely think you can use all of the help and support and k knowledge that you can get.....


May I ask---do you currently live with your mother?

lol...what does MSc stand for?

FeelingGreat

Hi Hsperanza, I think it's harder when they stop drinking and we get our hopes up, then they start again.
I'm going to assume you live with her. Are you in a position to move out? It sounds like you would benefit from a break.
You don't have to look after your mother. Its not your duty because she is an adult and you have your own life to live. Maybe your would benefit from going to Al-anon, which is for the families of As. You will meet many people who have been in your shoes in one way or another.