FlawedNFntastic

Next Wednesday will be one year sober for me. I'm scared of it. I've told my mother and my son and that's it (Oh, and of course, everyone here, now). Every day past nine months has been the longest I've been sober since I was 11 years old (I'm now 46). Long story short - AA is not for me, so SR has been my main support on this journey. So I know my fear isn't that I won't get chips anymore, and it isn't that I won't get celebrated for the day to day sobriety grind. I think it's that so many people slip at or about a year and I'm worried I may face weird thoughts and traps that I don't expect and will endanger my sobriety.

I'm really hoping you guys will share your experiences and troubles with your milestones. It helps to know I'm not entirely crazy or alone.

Thanks for listening.

DayTrader

I don't believe milestones, good days, bad days, triggers etc have much to do with it. If I'm an alcoholic and have an alcoholic mind, I WILL drink again. Nothing to fear there - it's a foregone conclusion, so no need to worry about it.

On the other hand, as I've maintained my spiritual condition, there hasn't been a milestone, good day, bad day, stressful event, or "trigger" that could take me back out. Sure, those things have happened but because I've recovered from alcoholism, the drink experiment hasn't had to happen again. Maintaining that recovered state keeps me in a position where I no longer have to worry about that next first drink. Much like I knew it was coming, no matter what, prior to recovery - now, I don't have to worry about it because I know it can't come.

FWIW, that "day to day so-dry-iety" deal you alluded to..... that crap is crazy. I'd rather drink that go through that again.

Soberwolf

I wasn't like this but I remember my sister was and it's completely understandable you don't want anything mucking it up that's good awareness and hopefully this helps you & others who are around the same milestone

I found SR at 13 months sober and I'm now 5.6 years sober pretty cool place for recovery

DriGuy

There's a lot of meat in this post, and a lot to talk about. You're scared about coming up on a year because you might slip. But there is no more reason to be scared of year as there is to be scared of tomorrow or 25 years. Get that into perspective. The thought that you might fool yourself is always there, and you managed it for 9 months well. Tomorrow, next year and 10 years down the road that rationalization that you fear won't be any harder to deal with, as long as you learn about choice. Yes, Choice! Learn to use choice instead of fear.

I actually know a guy, a drunk who lost his job in the most humiliating way that involved poor judgment and drinking. So he decided maybe he's an alcoholic, and to prove he wasn't, decided to get sober for one year, which he actually pulled off. At the end of the year, he said to everyone, "So there. I'm not an alcoholic," and went back to drinking. I don't know if he was an alcoholic or not. All I know is that he drank twice as much as I did, and disgraced himself while doing it.

The moral here is that an alcoholic can't use a one year mark or a 25 year mark as a reason to celebrate wellness by getting drunk. There is no statute of limitations on an alcoholic. You either are or your aren't, and it's a life sentence if you are. You need to recognized your alcoholism as a life sentence, and treat your sobriety accordingly.

One year marks an achievement. It's a point where an alcoholic can fall prey to the rationalization that he cured enough to test the waters, and see where one drink leads, a time to reward yourself with a drink. But that's no different than celebrating a day, a week, or a month. But with one year under your belt, you've got the hard part out of the way. The cravings now are just trivial annoyances. This is where you need to be switching gears and learning to live your life by choice, rather than shear force of will or fear. You are now at a point where you will have to choose, rather than struggle. This is where the winners hang out.

It's tempting, I suppose, to throw it away, thinking you can do it and start over again just like that. I've actually seen guys that started that pattern, long periods of success, rewarded by binges, hangovers and shame, and two of those guys ended up dead in 5 years. I'm not kidding. They're dead, and from thinking they could live on both sides of the line, without consequence.

If AA is not for you, use this place, but use it a lot. You can make it without the philosophy of AA, but the support there or here is indispensable. AA fellowship and support was my lifeline. The philosophy wasn't for me, but the people were.

jimmyJlover

I don’t have anything to add hear, but wanted to say congrats...and I really enjoyed DriGuy’s post.

soberandhonest

Good Morning FNF! I enjoyed your post. So thanks! And an early congrats on getting to that 1 year mark. That is an awesome accomplishment that you should celebrate!

I'll hit three years in a couple of days. I can tell you that, with the exception of the first 30 days or so, the first few months after I hit that one year mark were the hardest. It wasn't that I had any illogical belief that one year meant that I could go back to drinking. Rather, I think it was the phenomenon that I was no longer celebrating "firsts". In year one, for every holiday and every occasion, it was "my first sober Christmas" and then Easter and birthday and baseball game and football game and on and on. After that year, there were no more firsts. Nonetheless, after a few months, things became easier again for me. In my second year of sobriety, I refined some of my good habits and I really developed the mindset that this is MY sobriety. I earned it, through a ton of hard work, only I could give it away, and nobody (certainly not a boss or some jerk or even a family member) could take it from me. That mindset really cemented my control over this and it has helped me a lot. I also came to the conclusion that, after a lot of sober time, giving up sobriety would be a moral failure. I am very hesitant to attach morality to alcoholism because I very much agree that this is a disease, but there is some point where, for me at least, I cannot simply excuse a decision to pick up a drink. Now, we are human and we sometimes have great failures, even moral failures, so I am not attaching too much to this, but this philosophy has helped me to better appreciate the consequences. So, for me, year two started with a bit of a struggle and I had to shift my thinking and my recovery strategy, but ultimately I think I became stronger in my sobriety due to these changes.

Good luck to you. Great job on that first year!

Dee74

Well I didn't slip at a year and I know many many others who can say the same.

If you're sober and happy keep doing what you're doing

Don't let your inner addict mind bring you down - you're doing great

Congrats on a year FlawedAndFantastic

D

PhoenixJ

Humans make a fuss with birthdays- be it belly button, marriage - or sobriety. You have support here- is this enough for you to grow and maintain your recovery? I do attend AA meetings- not 'because it is for me', but because I make myself socialize, it is free and it shows myself I am committed to recovery. A CBT psychologist is also useful to me.
Support to you.

SnazzyDresser

Great job on your 1st year sober, FnF! That's the real story here, keep that in the forefront of your mind. Turns out that you're less flawed and more fantastic than you even knew. And you'll stay that way for year 2!