Endeavor

I recently succeeded at a one year break from alcohol. It was tough at first reminding myself how to cope with day-to-day stress without the crutch. It took about 3 months to feel at ease and naturally develop the motivation to do more and stay focused and it was a big relief.

By the end of year one and proud of the accomplishment; I casually, perhaps foolishly introduced drinking back into my life. At first, out at dinner and social events, then at home and so it goes.

I can see the wolf clearly now. Those eyes in the dark at a distance as it cautiously stalks closer; it's growl grows deafening and with it familiar fear.

I no longer enjoy this. The time spent recovering is not worth the few hours of release drinking initially provides, before it devolves into crisis. I miss being master of my life, vested and aware and able to feel everything. These past two weeks I'm back in the gym, feeling strong and I ditched the crutch once again.

I'm sharing this today because SR has been a big help to me and sharing our experiences may help others. Through guidance and wisdom from people who understand what took me a solid year during the longest period of my adult life in abstinence to fully realize.

The wolf never dies, yet we can become masters at building cages.

Best to you all and thanks for the support.

ReadyAtLast

I was the same. Had 3.5 years sober. Then drank. Gradually at first couple of glasses one month ten again. Didn't even like it realky. Then got really drunk 6 months later. Fast forward a few months and it was a bottle a night then 2.

the clock never resets to zero. The only solution is never drinking. Ever again. Abstinence certainly doesn't mean control.

Robbie64

Thanks for sharing. I did once read that for someone who has a negative experience with alcohol then the recommended minimum for being sober if the person is contemplating drinking is six months. You've achieved twice that and your experience shows that even 12 months isn't perhaps enough.

If you were able to drink in moderation then you would have been able to do this without falling back into your old ways. Although I keep relapsing I know that I will never be able to drink in moderation as I have a problem relationship with alcohol. It sounds like you are in the same position.

Out of interest, did you start drinking again out of choice as opposed to giving in to cravings? A year of sobriety is a very long time to throw away if it was by choice. But you can just look on this as being a blip and take forward the lesson that perhaps yourself and alcohol are never going to have a healthy relationship.

I wish I could do a year, the longest I've ever gone without a drink as an adult is just under 5 months. I wasn't even craving a drink when I did drink again. I went to the funeral of the father of a friend and stupidly had a few drinks afterwards. The next day I was annoyed with myself.

D122y

End et al,

Taking my drinking to my personal maximum over and over and over messed me up forever.

I can never be satisfied with 1 or 3. That is a total joke.

The only way I really wanted to drink was to get absolutely annihilated.

If I didn't do for a while, say a month or so, it was coming like a freight train.

The moons would line up, or not, and I would end up at the bottom of a bottle of hard stuff with all of the short and long term ramifications. Plus disaster poised to strike.

Can't ever forget that. Always remember. God help me always remember.

Thanks.

biminiblue

There are many of us here who are nodding along in recognition.

I didn't drink for 18 years. Didn't really miss it, life was good, etc. One day for no real reason I can remember I had a drink.

I was able to drink moderately for quite some time after that - years, actually. Then I was drinking more, imperceptibly more. Then it was one every day. Then two, then four, then drunken passing out and blackouts again just like when I was in my twenties.

It never really changes, not for good.

It's a pilot light waiting for a match.

Endeavor

It was longer than a year and I was just out and feeling fine sharing a moment and did have a nice time of it. That should have been that but it wasn't. With no negative physical impact from just a few nights out, thoughts crept in and I found myself wondering if I could keep it in the house and exhibit self control. That thinking or lack there of is the problem. I can go out and socialize with or without drinking, take it or leave it, now. Since this experience, I prefer without and being clear as it's more engaging and I can always drive. What I can't do is start buying bottles and have them at home. It's far too easy for me to get stupid.

Ayers

Thanks for your post > It's good for us still early in recovery to read about your experience. Thanks for sharing and good for you to have taken the reins back in your hands.

brighterday1234

August252015

Very glad you have another chance to get and remain sober.

gettingsmarter

Thanks for the post. Its the just one more that gets us in the end. Just 1, 1 more time. Ah 1 more would go great with this 1 too. I know the beast all too well now.

dwtbd

I quit drinking, but that was almost the secondary concern/motivation. My first motivation was to never again be a drunk.
I'm almost sure I could have a drink and be 'fine', hell I know I could I'm all growed-up .
Not ever drinking again , in a sense, just goes along with never again being a drunk.
Not getting drunk would be near impossible in the long run if I drank. I don't miss not drinking, my Beast does( poor beast) and I sure as hell do not miss the near suicidal aftermath of a binge and the slavish lifestyle of keeping those consequences at bay.

Dee74

I call it confusing abstinence with control.

My record for continuous sobriety before SR was 2 months - but I know in my heart that my relationship with alcohol is toxic and always will be.

If I drink again, I'll stink again...but staying sober lets me be who I want to be - the real me.

D

Jim1958

I quit for a year once. 365 days. Day 366 i drank. It did not take long to return to being an every day drinker. I think it is true that not drinking at all is the only answer.

Spiritman

Good stuff
Thank you all for posting

PhoenixJ

Great opening post, endy well done.