Can I complain to my gso? (Issue w my home group)
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 24
Can I complain to my gso? (Issue w my home group)
I got sober a year ago with the help of a women's group which became my home group. I have however been observing for months now that the discussions tend to revolve around personal and relationship issues, not alcoholism. For example one woman will cry for five minutes about how critical her mother is of her, with nary a mention of our disease or drinking or wanting to drink. It's not about that, it's about mom being a cold you know what. It's an Al Anon meeting in content, once the preamble is said and done. Sometimes the only mention of alcohol is in the readings at the beginning.
How would you, as a member of this home group, approach this problem? Yes, I am going to a different group this week but I'll miss mine because I got sober there. But I think AA meetings ought to stay focused on that primary purpose of helping the alcoholic that still suffers.
How would you, as a member of this home group, approach this problem? Yes, I am going to a different group this week but I'll miss mine because I got sober there. But I think AA meetings ought to stay focused on that primary purpose of helping the alcoholic that still suffers.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
The same thing happened to me in AA.
There was a women’s meeting within the group.
I went a couple of times, but there was more discussion of aged parents than there was of recovery, so I stopped going to that meeting, but stayed with AA meetings for another year.
I don’t have an answer for you, though. Good luck.
There was a women’s meeting within the group.
I went a couple of times, but there was more discussion of aged parents than there was of recovery, so I stopped going to that meeting, but stayed with AA meetings for another year.
I don’t have an answer for you, though. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
if it were my home group, i would bring this to the business meeting (that is where my group raises all issues) and have a chat about our primary purpose, and how we are doing that.
or, if i was fairly certain that this would yield no real conversation, i would find a group more focused on the suggested solution.
i have contacted so a couple of times, and they do respond, usually with what other groups have found works for them, or with sharing experience of what has not worked.
please remember that each group is autonomous.
or, if i was fairly certain that this would yield no real conversation, i would find a group more focused on the suggested solution.
i have contacted so a couple of times, and they do respond, usually with what other groups have found works for them, or with sharing experience of what has not worked.
please remember that each group is autonomous.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Originally Posted by CJHolden 
How would you, as a member of this home group, approach this problem? Yes, I am going to a different group this week but I'll miss mine because I got sober there. But I think AA meetings ought to stay focused on that primary purpose of helping the alcoholic that still suffers.
It sounds like you’re growing to me, that’s a wonderful thing!! Mix it up and attend some different meetings as you mentioned.. keep up the good work! Wishing you the best!!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Oh yeah, I've been to 100's of meetings like that.
Just like me and my alcoholism though, meetings that are "unhealthy" have 2 alternatives - change or die. And again, just like me, most meetings (ie, the people who attend said meetings) are very resistant to change - usually because they're oblivious (delusional) about what's really going on.
It gets down to this though - is an unhealthy meeting my real problem? ......or is it possibly a somewhat unhealthy demand of mine that the meeting should go a certain way my problem? When I'm at a meeting my job is to carry THE message of AA recovery. And really, that isn't dependent one single bit upon what the other people say. It's not my job to regulate what everyone says, make a judgment about whether it's satisfactory or not, and then plan a course of action for "them" to follow so I'll feel better. That's just more of me playing the actor who wants to be the director - a role I personally tend to fall into quite easily.
Bring it up at a Group Conscience meeting, talk to some of the people who attend about it after a particularly screwy meeting perhaps, and continue to carry the message of recovery as you're supposed to. As for GSO, it's definitely not their job to tell a meeting how it's supposed to go. Sure, they could de-list the meeting from whatever pamphlet/booklet you all have with local meetings but that's about it.
In my mind, you've got an opportunity to be a shining light in the abyss. I can tell you first hand it's damn tough work. Definitely one of the hardest things I've had to do in AA... be that ONE person trying to speak about the solution to alcoholism in a darn AA meeting. That said, sometimes it takes every single bit of spirituality and experience I've been able to find in 11+ years of practice to stay at meetings like that. I often wonder if maybe it wouldn't be better to just call it quits and move on to different meetings myself.
Just like me and my alcoholism though, meetings that are "unhealthy" have 2 alternatives - change or die. And again, just like me, most meetings (ie, the people who attend said meetings) are very resistant to change - usually because they're oblivious (delusional) about what's really going on.
It gets down to this though - is an unhealthy meeting my real problem? ......or is it possibly a somewhat unhealthy demand of mine that the meeting should go a certain way my problem? When I'm at a meeting my job is to carry THE message of AA recovery. And really, that isn't dependent one single bit upon what the other people say. It's not my job to regulate what everyone says, make a judgment about whether it's satisfactory or not, and then plan a course of action for "them" to follow so I'll feel better. That's just more of me playing the actor who wants to be the director - a role I personally tend to fall into quite easily.
Bring it up at a Group Conscience meeting, talk to some of the people who attend about it after a particularly screwy meeting perhaps, and continue to carry the message of recovery as you're supposed to. As for GSO, it's definitely not their job to tell a meeting how it's supposed to go. Sure, they could de-list the meeting from whatever pamphlet/booklet you all have with local meetings but that's about it.
In my mind, you've got an opportunity to be a shining light in the abyss. I can tell you first hand it's damn tough work. Definitely one of the hardest things I've had to do in AA... be that ONE person trying to speak about the solution to alcoholism in a darn AA meeting. That said, sometimes it takes every single bit of spirituality and experience I've been able to find in 11+ years of practice to stay at meetings like that. I often wonder if maybe it wouldn't be better to just call it quits and move on to different meetings myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by CJHolden
I got sober a year ago with the help of a women's group which became my home group. I have however been observing for months now that the discussions tend to revolve around personal and relationship issues, not alcoholism. For example one woman will cry for five minutes about how critical her mother is of her, with nary a mention of our disease or drinking or wanting to drink. It's not about that, it's about mom being a cold you know what. It's an Al Anon meeting in content, once the preamble is said and done. Sometimes the only mention of alcohol is in the readings at the beginning.
How would you, as a member of this home group, approach this problem? Yes, I am going to a different group this week but I'll miss mine because I got sober there. But I think AA meetings ought to stay focused on that primary purpose of helping the alcoholic that still suffers.
How would you, as a member of this home group, approach this problem? Yes, I am going to a different group this week but I'll miss mine because I got sober there. But I think AA meetings ought to stay focused on that primary purpose of helping the alcoholic that still suffers.
As mentioned you can ask to hold a group conscience regarding shares which have nothing to do with alcoholism.
But them who is going to cut the person off when this happens. The chairperson?
I prefer the use of a timer. One of the benefits of a timer is it stops members from rambling be they on topic or not. Everyone gets 3 minutes and no one gets defensive when a buzzer goes off.
Or as was also suggested you can to vote with your feet.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 24
The first meeting I ever went to used a bell, someone would keep track of the three minute limit and ring the bell politely lol it was a huge discussion meeting, 100 people easy. The first people to speak were usually newcomers talking about their cravings but with twenty minutes or so left the old timers would start to share and we shut up and listened. It was great. The problem, the solution, no fluff.
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