Third time's the charm?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 1
Third time's the charm?
Hello all,
I come to you all because I feel that any extra support I can get from understanding folks can help my recovery. I am 24 years old, but I have been struggling with addiction for nearly a decade. While I have been to treatment three times in my life (twice as a minor, once as an adult), this is my third legitimate attempt at sobriety. Last year I finished a 28 day stint at rehab, funded really just because at the time I was an active duty soldier in the Army. I was in for five years and while my career was almost ended due to my drinking on more than one occasion, but I still managed to get an honorable discharge
Recently, I got a DUI and was arrested for the first time in my (adult) life. While typically this is a rock bottom, I honestly don't know if this is the lowest I have been. Every opportunity, relationship, and potential positive experiences in my life has been squandered due to either my drinking or drug use.
This is my third serious attempt at a better life, and while I'm motivated to do better I just don't feel as positive as I did the other two times before. I just can't pick myself up, no matter how many times I get burnt I find myself constantly reaching for the fire.
I come to you all because I feel that any extra support I can get from understanding folks can help my recovery. I am 24 years old, but I have been struggling with addiction for nearly a decade. While I have been to treatment three times in my life (twice as a minor, once as an adult), this is my third legitimate attempt at sobriety. Last year I finished a 28 day stint at rehab, funded really just because at the time I was an active duty soldier in the Army. I was in for five years and while my career was almost ended due to my drinking on more than one occasion, but I still managed to get an honorable discharge
Recently, I got a DUI and was arrested for the first time in my (adult) life. While typically this is a rock bottom, I honestly don't know if this is the lowest I have been. Every opportunity, relationship, and potential positive experiences in my life has been squandered due to either my drinking or drug use.
This is my third serious attempt at a better life, and while I'm motivated to do better I just don't feel as positive as I did the other two times before. I just can't pick myself up, no matter how many times I get burnt I find myself constantly reaching for the fire.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
What did you do to get and remain sober the last two times?
What are you going to do differently?
There are all kinds of methods. The correct one is that which gets you sober, and different approaches work at different times in sobriety....at least that was my experience.
I used:
Medical Detox
Psychiatrist and medication (underlying bipolar disorder)
Inpatient rehab (mostly 12 step based)
Started smoking again
12 Step
AVRT
Outpatient rehab (cognitive group based)
Quit smoking again
Complete body remake, diet and exercise, lost 55 pounds and gained muscle
Psychotherapy
I didn't like 12 Step, it wasn't for me BUT I gave it a hard try. No stone should remain unturned. What really worked for me was when a switch went off, I realized that I didn't want to do inpatient rehab for a 2nd time and the only way to make sure that didn't happen was no drinks or addictive drugs. Ever.
I decided I was no longer a drinker/smoker/snorter/swallower.
Then I did all of the other stuff to stay that way long enough to experience how much better life was sober. At this point the idea of drinking seems kinda gross, tbh. Even a little alcohol buzz sounds like it's taking me out of the moment and making me dizzy. If it weren't so deadly I'd say that it's nothing but silly.
But everyone is different. We have members here that swear by AVRT, or have remained sober for years in AA/NA/CA/CMA etc. Psychiatrist/psychologist/therapy. Meditation and mindfulness. Service. Keeping fit. Or a combination of the above.
The most crucial thing is to evaluate what didn't work in the past and make a SPECIFIC plan going forward. For example, not "I'm doing AA" but "I'm doing AA meetings at the church Mondays and Wednesdays and an NA meeting on Saturday at the AT Center." If something isn't helping or feels wrong, replace it with something else. Another thing that helped me was keeping myself accountable by telling my story in as much gruesome detail to a large chunk of people I come into contact with. That way I can't even think of getting away with being drunk or even an epic hangover. Nobody but another addict will completely understand what you've gone through, but if you can get them partway there you get them on your side. Don't be ashamed of your addiction. It was a problem and you took care of it. Addiction doesn't show a character flaw. Overcoming addiction shows a huge strength of character. It's hard AF.
Don't dwell too much on the negative. It's quite possible that you did horrible things to loved ones and strangers....that DUI could have ended in maiming and death. Don't minimize these feelings and use them to play the tape of where one drink will eventually take you. Do dwell on how good you feel and look and what your life is like without alcohol/drugs compared to when you were using.
Nobody can make you stop lifting a drink/joint/pill/line/syringe to your mouth/nose/vein. But, paradoxically, NOBODY gets sober alone and without help.
You can do this. Thousands have.
And don't underestimate the community here at Sober Recovery. We get it.
What are you going to do differently?
There are all kinds of methods. The correct one is that which gets you sober, and different approaches work at different times in sobriety....at least that was my experience.
I used:
Medical Detox
Psychiatrist and medication (underlying bipolar disorder)
Inpatient rehab (mostly 12 step based)
Started smoking again
12 Step
AVRT
Outpatient rehab (cognitive group based)
Quit smoking again
Complete body remake, diet and exercise, lost 55 pounds and gained muscle
Psychotherapy
I didn't like 12 Step, it wasn't for me BUT I gave it a hard try. No stone should remain unturned. What really worked for me was when a switch went off, I realized that I didn't want to do inpatient rehab for a 2nd time and the only way to make sure that didn't happen was no drinks or addictive drugs. Ever.
I decided I was no longer a drinker/smoker/snorter/swallower.
Then I did all of the other stuff to stay that way long enough to experience how much better life was sober. At this point the idea of drinking seems kinda gross, tbh. Even a little alcohol buzz sounds like it's taking me out of the moment and making me dizzy. If it weren't so deadly I'd say that it's nothing but silly.
But everyone is different. We have members here that swear by AVRT, or have remained sober for years in AA/NA/CA/CMA etc. Psychiatrist/psychologist/therapy. Meditation and mindfulness. Service. Keeping fit. Or a combination of the above.
The most crucial thing is to evaluate what didn't work in the past and make a SPECIFIC plan going forward. For example, not "I'm doing AA" but "I'm doing AA meetings at the church Mondays and Wednesdays and an NA meeting on Saturday at the AT Center." If something isn't helping or feels wrong, replace it with something else. Another thing that helped me was keeping myself accountable by telling my story in as much gruesome detail to a large chunk of people I come into contact with. That way I can't even think of getting away with being drunk or even an epic hangover. Nobody but another addict will completely understand what you've gone through, but if you can get them partway there you get them on your side. Don't be ashamed of your addiction. It was a problem and you took care of it. Addiction doesn't show a character flaw. Overcoming addiction shows a huge strength of character. It's hard AF.
Don't dwell too much on the negative. It's quite possible that you did horrible things to loved ones and strangers....that DUI could have ended in maiming and death. Don't minimize these feelings and use them to play the tape of where one drink will eventually take you. Do dwell on how good you feel and look and what your life is like without alcohol/drugs compared to when you were using.
Nobody can make you stop lifting a drink/joint/pill/line/syringe to your mouth/nose/vein. But, paradoxically, NOBODY gets sober alone and without help.
You can do this. Thousands have.
And don't underestimate the community here at Sober Recovery. We get it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 315
Hi, zeppelin. I've felt much the same as you have--that is trapped, almost doomed to repeat the same behavior.
But this time I realized I don't have to. I don't HAVE to drink. Once I made up my mind that this was it, saying "no" became so much easier. The key is really that first decision. It has to be rock-solid (the same was true for me with smoking; until I had really committed, I would quit for awhile then go back in times of stress).
MindfulMan, my goodness what a wealth of advice! I hope it helps zeppelin. It certainly helped me!! Thank you.
But this time I realized I don't have to. I don't HAVE to drink. Once I made up my mind that this was it, saying "no" became so much easier. The key is really that first decision. It has to be rock-solid (the same was true for me with smoking; until I had really committed, I would quit for awhile then go back in times of stress).
MindfulMan, my goodness what a wealth of advice! I hope it helps zeppelin. It certainly helped me!! Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,972
Hi Zeppelin, great advice from the other two who replied!
I was lucky in that I never hit a real rock bottom. I had many close calls though. Many times I could have gotten a DUI or killed myself or another person. There were times I could have overdosed. I had several phases of stopping drinking for periods of time. But I would always go back. I call my last drunk a high bottom because I simply woke up one morning and had made up my mind that I would never drink again. I had noticed in recent months my health had deteriorated and I was having symptoms directly related to chronic alcohol abuse. That last morning, I had bad neuropathy in my hands and feet. I was at such an all time emotional low, I can’t even describe it in words. I’m in my 50’s so it’s a little different from you. Also, my real drinking problems didn’t start until my 40’s. Basically I just realized that I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I simply don’t like the way alcohol makes me feel physically, mentally, spiritually. I like myself and life better without alcohol. I stopped caring what other people thought of me. I accepted I was powerless over alcohol and made a commitment to never drink again. The difference now is that the last times I relapsed, there had always been that thought in my mind about going back to moderation. Even if I could do that, which I don’t think it’s possible, I don’t want it anyway.
Keep trying and find a path that works for you to stay sober. Your life will be so much better without alcohol. Please don’t wait until you hit a worse rock bottom, which could be death. The time is now.
I was lucky in that I never hit a real rock bottom. I had many close calls though. Many times I could have gotten a DUI or killed myself or another person. There were times I could have overdosed. I had several phases of stopping drinking for periods of time. But I would always go back. I call my last drunk a high bottom because I simply woke up one morning and had made up my mind that I would never drink again. I had noticed in recent months my health had deteriorated and I was having symptoms directly related to chronic alcohol abuse. That last morning, I had bad neuropathy in my hands and feet. I was at such an all time emotional low, I can’t even describe it in words. I’m in my 50’s so it’s a little different from you. Also, my real drinking problems didn’t start until my 40’s. Basically I just realized that I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I simply don’t like the way alcohol makes me feel physically, mentally, spiritually. I like myself and life better without alcohol. I stopped caring what other people thought of me. I accepted I was powerless over alcohol and made a commitment to never drink again. The difference now is that the last times I relapsed, there had always been that thought in my mind about going back to moderation. Even if I could do that, which I don’t think it’s possible, I don’t want it anyway.
Keep trying and find a path that works for you to stay sober. Your life will be so much better without alcohol. Please don’t wait until you hit a worse rock bottom, which could be death. The time is now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
My rock bottom took a few months. After burning to death (well documented elsewhere) I drank hand sanitizer in hospital and was kicked out, then homeless- then in a horrible drug using/dealing boarding house (no where else to go) lost 50kg, drank 5l rotgut wine, then found AA meetings and a Salvo's recovery/housing program and got sober. You are young, don't leave it until you are 30y older like me. I lost my wife, sons, home and possessions.
Good advice above- put into play what you have learnt.
Support to you.
Good advice above- put into play what you have learnt.
Support to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome Zeppelin 
In my experience I can fall as far as I let myself.
If you can turn things around now, at 24, that would be a great thing.
Have you heard that story about the two wolves in each of us, good and bad?start feeding the good wolf man.
All the effort you used to put into having a good time and getting wasted - put that into change, and consciously making different decisions and you'll be off to a solid start
D
In my experience I can fall as far as I let myself.
If you can turn things around now, at 24, that would be a great thing.
Have you heard that story about the two wolves in each of us, good and bad?start feeding the good wolf man.
All the effort you used to put into having a good time and getting wasted - put that into change, and consciously making different decisions and you'll be off to a solid start
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
We can keep finding trap doors to bottoms. Basements. Digging through that for more.
Its brutally cold and windy here as of late...I'm quite glad I've never had to find a place to sleep on the street. I hear about it a lot...here and in AA. Perspective is key.
I found that just taking each day one day at a time, cliche yes, works. After holding out about 60 to 90 days I was in love with living again. Never thought it possible. I really focused on why I drank and sorting through it. Work in progress. But progress is good.
Give yourself a shot, you can do it too.
Jules
Its brutally cold and windy here as of late...I'm quite glad I've never had to find a place to sleep on the street. I hear about it a lot...here and in AA. Perspective is key.
I found that just taking each day one day at a time, cliche yes, works. After holding out about 60 to 90 days I was in love with living again. Never thought it possible. I really focused on why I drank and sorting through it. Work in progress. But progress is good.
Give yourself a shot, you can do it too.
Jules
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Great to have you with us, zeppelin! Here you will find encouragement & support - you are never alone. Congratulations on making the decision to get free & lead the life you were meant to. We're with you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
